You might need a new car if:

1. You carry a fire extinguisher and you have experience using it.

2. Your car shakes your martinis for you.

3. You have to beat the tow truck operators away with your partially used fire extinguisher on a weekly basis.

4. Your car could have been the inspiration for an Adam Sandler’s song. You know the one I’m talking about.

5. Your driveway has more oil in the ground than some Arab nations.

6. You have acquired a “Master” skill level in the use of JB Weld, duct tape and zip ties.

7. You leave the screwdriver in the ignition all the time and yet your car is always right where you left it.

8. Your car has ‘developed’ full time cylinder deactivation.

9. You utter “God I hate you!”, “You f———g piece of s—t.”, “Go to Hell” or “This is really the last time you are going to do this to me. THE.....LAST.......TIME!!” and your ex-wife isn’t even around.

10. People hear and smell you 30 seconds before you get there.