My pops was in the military, so we moved a lot. My junior year in HS and we moved to Florida, land of the free and home of the crazy ass bastards. The school in this shithole of a state has a period for student driving and an area of asphalt large enough to run the 3 cars they have for students to drive. The catch for student drivers is that an adult must be in the car with a student driver, but there is only one teacher.

So, we finally get to drive some half way through the semester, rotating drivers after a lap or two. Me being inexperienced, I am not good at all.

Fast forward to the week we are driving in reverse. This is super hard for me to learn. But, hey, I’m a dumbass kid. I’m driving in reverse and I hear people yelling. I’m wondering what is happening, but I am dumb and confused by most things in life, like breathing and what makes a person have an outie instead of an innie. I’m looking over my left shoulder, completely unaware of what is on my right hand side. Which was a fence. I scraped the car against the fence and the instructor is yelling his ass off. I think he was a football coach or something, so I really don’t give a shit what he thinks anyway, but I am mortified.

Anyway, I did around $2k of damage to the driver’s ed car. My parents were all kinds of pissed off at the school. Because there was supposed to be an instructor in the car with me, there were all kinds of pissing matches going on, from what I was told. And the driving portion of the class was cancelled.

Needless to say, I went from obscurity in school to being the most well-known guy by the next day. I was not liked very much, but I was still better off than the football team’s kicker who missed 3 field goals at the state championship game the year before, who received a good number of death threats after they lost by a field goal.

Fast forward to moving to California. At the time, the Florida learner’s permit only said in the smallest of print that it was a learner’s permit. So, the lady at the DMV assumed it was a full license and all I had to do to get my driver’s license in CA was to pass the written exam, which only took 3 times to pass. Good thing, because I would never have passed the driving test.