Jeep. Wrangler.

I hate it because it is a toy, yet most (nearly all?) Wrangler drivers think they’ve bought something that’s soooo utilitarian. No. You bought an off roading toy that you daily drive.

Oh, yeah, please tell me about that one time you went to Uwhari, or that one time you helped pull someone else out of the now. I totally want to hear about that bullshit again. No? Maybe you can tell me about how you took half of your Sunday morning to take the doors off so that you can look like a super cool guy cruising around with no doors. No? Maybe you can get a cool cover for your spare that says some dumb Wrangler cliche on it and tell me about that. Maybe you can complain/brag about how much you spent on knobby tires again?

Oh, no wait, you got the nuanced vintage CJ that’s way more authentic? Please tell me about it. Oh, sorry, you got the new Rubicon because you’re better at throwing money around than other Wrangler owners? Please tell me about that. Please drive your Wrangler around with a tiny smattering of mud on the sides because you hit a muddy puddle and you want everyone to think you actually took your Wrangler off road. Please put a light bar on your Wrangler. Please write something upside down on your Wrangler. Please leave the top off when it rains so that your shit is fucked. Please park in a bad neighborhood where someone uses a knife to break into your car and steal your Pioneer radio. Please put a giant ham radio antenna on your Wrangler. Please use your Wrangler to ascend the curb and park on the grass when the parking lot is full because you’re so cool. Please driver your Wrangler while wearing Wayfarers and a wife beater with your leg sticking out the side because you took your doors off. Please lift your Wrangler and put even knobbier knobbies on it. Please put a tow hitch on it, but never tow anything.

Fucking Wranglers, man. Fucking. Wranglers.