Now here’s a twist. I was the seller in this sketchy car transaction.

When I turned 17 and got my permit, I needed wheels, and needed them fast. Bought a 94 Mercury Sable for $700. Basically a Taurus with power seats. Being 17, I did all the high school hoonage you might expect, plus a bit more. You see, all of my friends got SUVs or trucks. And we all wanted to go off-roading. Not a problem, you see, because I got a copy of period correct 4x4 stickers from an F150, and slapped them on the quarter panels of the Sable, and joined them!

First thing to go was the brush guard. It got ripped right off. That car went through hell in the woods. I nearly rolled it, I sank it and bailed out the inside of the car with a McDonalds cup, blew a big hole in the rear bumper when I high-sided it on the top of a hill, and had a friend use his truck to push me off, I broke the exhaust, and ripped the bumper mounts clean off the frame when I tried using the bumper mounts to pull out a buddy’s truck that was stuck in a big puddle. This car came home 2-3 days a week completely covered in mud.

After a year with the Sable, I had an opportunity to get a small SUV, and did so. Problem was, I then needed to get rid of the Sable. And I was also a lazy 18 year old. So one morning, my neighbors were having a yard sale. So I parked the half-assed cleaned Sable in front of their house with a For Sale sign and my cell phone number. That day, an old man came up saying that he wanted a reliable car for his high school grandson. I told him “trust me, you could put this car in a ditch and it’ll still drive you home.”

Sold it to the man for $700, just as much as I bought it for. 5 years later, it’s got bumpers of a different color, but it’s still driving around with the 4x4 stickers on it!