My Fiat 500 Abarth. When I got it, I was in love. The exhaust, the crazy looking seats, the crazy dials that chased each other. But it was not to be.

A couple of days after delivery, the air conditioner started to sound like a Harley Davidson in my dashboard, so it went in. A day later they told me it was normal and no noises. I took it home, but on the way back, it made the noise again. This was not a noise that was intermittent, it was ALWAYS there. I took it back and they fixed it.

Next, the paint on my front bumper started peeling and my side skirts started sagging. All of these problems in the first two months of ownership. It goes in and 5 days later is as good as new. But then I noticed that all the glass in my car had this weird sheen of grease on it. So it never left he dealer and 3 days later had all new glass.

A month later, I was driving on the freeway when the diverter valve became stuck and the car wouldn’t boost. I don’t know if any of you have driven an Abarth when it can’t boost, but it barely maintains highway speeds. I turn around and head to the dealer and on my way, the driver window just falls into the door. Greaaaat.

A new window mount and diverter valve should have fixed all of this, but then I noticed that the dash board was suddenly put together wrong. They fixed it on the spot, but could not explain why they had gone into my dash in the first place.

After everything, I was still in love with the car and accepted that it is Italian. That was until my wife started telling me how much she has always hated the car. She hated the seats and said they were not fit for human occupancy. The car took offense to this and mechanism that locks the seat to the rails decided it wanted to be a painter instead, so it trotted off to some other world. The passenger seat would rattle and move, which was very disconcerting. Then one day when she was in said seat, I had to do an emergency stop which caused the lock to completely fail and she rocketed the front of the car and hit her head on the dash. Whoops.

At this point she was telling me to lemon it. So I had started to look for a lawyer. One day soon after, when I was shifting into reverse, I heard a bang. Suddenly first and second gear did not work. I called a tow truck and accepted my fate that somehow after driving stick for 13 years, I had somehow broken my transmission, even though it was a normal operation.

I dropped the car off and awaited my fate. The dealer opens the transmission and said it looked like a bomb had gone off. My heart sank until they told me that the transmission had decided it had wanted to be something other than a transmission. Basically, it was put together wrong, they were going to cover it under warranty. At this point the car had already spent 23 days in the shop in the year I had owned it, so I got ALL of the service records. All the days from here on out are combined with all the other days it had been in the shop.

The car sat for a week before I called a lawyer on day 30 and right away he said I had a case based on my wife hitting her head as California frowns on major safety failures. On day 32 the car had been in for nine days waiting on a C510 transmission from Italy, with no end in sight. Day 32 is also when the suit was filed.

On day 36, we got a letter from Chrysler that I was not only getting all of my money back, but that my wife would be receiving damages for her hitting her head on the dash. We would have to wait for them to take the car back which was usually about three weeks after the buyback is agreed to.

On day 50, the car was done. I had to take it home until Chrysler finalized their lemon law paper work and low and behold, transmission was still wrong. To shift into first, it was like shifting into third, and shifting into 5th started impeding on passenger leg space. I couldn’t wait at this point.

A week later they took it and I weirdly got sad because when it worked, it was incredible, but that was some of the time. My wife practically threw a party and our agreement was that we would never purchase a car from FCA again, the brand is ruined that much.

*Having read how long this is, it should probably be on Opposite Lock.