How soon should one talk about debt in a relationship?

Long story ahead. I’ve been dating a guy for six (but a very intense six) months. He’s mid 30s and separated (his wife came out as a lesbian after a year of marriage, and she now lives with her girlfriend). It came out that he lied to me about being debt-free - he told me he took on a lot of her debt and that when they got married they put the wedding on credit cards and took a 3 month tri-continent holiday which they also put on credit cards. He said he had $10k left of the debt and that he would have it paid off within months but he needed to tighten his bootstraps.

Then he confesses a month later that he had lied and it was $40k debt left and it would take two or more years to pay off and that he lied because he didn’t want to lose me. I love this guy but he seems completely in denial. He’s said he has a budget and he’ll only be able to spend $100 per week from now on, so we won’t be able to do dinners or go on trips for two years. Meanwhile, he confesses that he’s booked a boys’ trip to Thailand for 10 days. I was furious - I was prepared to forgive the lies and change the whole dynamic of our relationship but then he turns around and books a trip to Thailand knowing he’s in huge debt and he’s been there three times before!? He then said he can’t cancel because he doesn’t want to let his friends down and they’ll hate him and never speak to him again (his friends are, by and large, awful).

So we got in a huge argument that culminated in me immaturely saying basically it’s me or Thailand. He kept saying he couldn’t get a refund on the flights, how Thailand is cheaper than living in our city for the 10 days (bullshit, because he would still be paying rent here while he’s on holiday). I’ve been going through hell with my family recently and he knows this - brother in and out of hospital, legal troubles for another family member etc). So he chose to go to Thailand and I texted saying I was upset. A day later he messages saying he’s taking his SIM card out of his phone but he’ll call me when he gets back. I’m an idiot right? I feel like I have no self-esteem. I would go to my therapist, but she’s marrying my cousin. Yes. And I only have one male cousin. My family is tiny. What are the odds in a city of 2.5 million.