Need some insight about something I’ve been chewing on... Are abusive relationships really as black and white as an abuser and a victim?

Context: One of my friends finally broke up with her boyfriend. I’m happy about this. They brought out the worst in each other. I won’t get into all of the awful shit, but one thing was that she would find all sorts of creepy shit on his computer - pornographic photos that resembled his real-life crushes (often times her friends or sister) and once even found a friend’s personal nude photos on his desktop that he had stolen when borrowing the friend’s computer. So many awful things. I told her it could be seen as a sex crime and I’m SO GLAD they’re broken up.

But prior to all of this she also had a long-term affair with another guy, and also had a threesome with another girl. It was like a scandalous movie, with all the cheating and lying and sneaking around. The (cheating) guy even moved in with her for a while. There was a lot of effort to cover this up and while all the cheating has been over for a while, the truth slowly came out over the course of the last year… during which her BF’s behaviour also became increasingly aggressive. While I get that he felt heartbroken and betrayed, he was also extremely verbally abusive.

Tbh I am not even the biggest fan of her anymore as our friendship became really toxic and I exist solely as a therapist for her. I’m happy they’re broken up but I just hate being around her. She also speaks a lot about how abusive her relationship was, and I’m glad she is beginning to take care of herself, but she has also absolved herself of any wrongdoing and is very proud of the affair and everything about it. I guess it makes her feel like she has control. And despite it not being my problem, this really annoys me. She behaved so horrifically and I don’t feel she’s learned anything or grown up after all of this.

Annndd I tell myself it’s really not my issue and who am I to act as a moral compass!? I feel like a bad feminist when I think “okay, yes he was an abusive asshole but she also sucks.” So. I don’t know. It’s not always black and white, is it?

Full disclaimer: I really think the guy sucks and all the women should run from him. I’m just Team Nobody because I also know so many terrible, selfish things about my friend. Not trying to victim-blame nor do I even think she deserves anything that happened.