Dear Everyone Who Now Thinks That They Want An Old MG,

You do not.

Yes, they have that beautiful, heady smell of leather and 30 weight, but they do not often WORK.

I am a moron and a glutton for punishment. I have owned a Minor, a Midget, and two MGBs. When they run, they are terribly fun and get stares everywhere you go. But they do not often run. (Offen, frequently.) Fuel pumps die. Hydraulic carburetors seize. Clutch & throttle cables snap. Hell, one of my MGBs decided that its transmission didn’t need to remain bolted to the engine any longer. And my Midget decided that gasoline should be pumped directly into the cylinders at all times when the car was on. And everything made by Smiths (gauges, lights, indicators) and Lucas (wiring, fuses, etc) randomly develops an inexplicable desire to pout and sulk.

If you wish to purchase and maintain a classic MG, here’s an excersize to perform that will prepare you for what you have in store:
1. Withdraw $500 in cash from your checking account. Flush it down the toilet.
2. Purchase two gallons of Castol 30 weight oil. Light it on fire. Breathe deeply.
3. Withdraw $1,000 in cash from your savings account. Flush it down the toilet.
4. Wash your hands with sand and gasoline. Scrub!! Now, squeeze one dozen lemons.
5. Withdraw $1,500 in cash from any account. Flush it down the toilet.

Repeat weekly while banging your head against a wall.