Drive naked. No shit. Went to a pool party, everyone decides to leave at around three in the morning. I, being my stupid self, didn’t bring a towel and only came in my swimming trunks. And so not wanting to get my cloth seats wet, I strip behind my door and stuff all of my wet clothes into a plastic bag, which is then stuffed into my duffel bag.

On the way home it gets really foggy. Here I am, naked, wet, window down to try and dry off, and then the fog rolls in. I flip on my high beams. Big mistake. Coming over the top of the hill just as I turned on my high beams was a Sheriff. He turns around, blips the lights, and pulls me over. I pull my duffle bag over my wadoodler and he rolls up, asking me why I tried blinding him. He then asks why I’m acting suspicious. And then he notices I’m naked. I explain what’s going on, and he’s trying not to smile the entire time. Finally he lets me go with a warning after explaining he thought I was a drunk driver. That night I made a mental note to myself to always keep a beach towel under the back seat. I still keep one there.