Geesh...this one is for the books. So I decided to go visit some friends in London for a quick 4 day trip and also to go see a concert. Found a dirt cheap ticket on Air India online, from the start I should have known better. Only good thing was it was direct. I had the worst possible seat in history, last row RIGHT next to the toilets. Was it a blessing that I had an aisle seat??? I think you could figure that out.

Anyhow...I am about a 1 Xanax deep about to nod off and they are just about to starting to serve food. For some reason they start with the rear of the plane, which I found odd but didn’t question it. As soon as they put my food down on the tray, whammo we hit turbulence. Legit the food went up in the air and all over the damm place. It was like someone took every curry dish in the world, shook it up in mixer and let it fly in the back of the plane. So, okay I am not mad, stuff happens, I got a little on me, however the kid in front of me was douched in curry!!!! Poor kid and too make matters worse his little brother took the piece of bread and starting eating off of him. I was cracking up and other people around me where pretty much screaming in sheer terror, I could not find my Iphone fast enough to take a video for the life of me.

All of the sudden we hit turbulence again, now its not kinda funny, pilot gets on mumbles something which I could not make out. After an hour. things kinda start smoothing out. I decide to go the bathroom....NOW..this is where stuff gets interesting. It smells like god awful hell and my nose is a bit chop up from partying the night before like the idiot that I am. I go to reach for the door because it says “vacant” and as soon as I open it I see this lady squatting on top of the toilet. She is mid deuce mind you and looks up, we make eye contact for a split second before she starts yelling at me in what I could assume is Hindi. The memory will always live with me. Her daughter comes fumbling back and starts yelling at me also. I tried to be cool, apologize and say the door was open I just wanted to use the bathroom, my bad. Mind you the mom is still squatting on top of the toilet, the flight attendant finally comes towards our direction. She and the daughter get into to it, like she owes her cash from a drug deal gone wrong. I am just standing there watching these two go at it, when all of the sudden we hit turbulence again. The mom (still on the toilet) and her poop comes flying out of bathroom and lands right between the daughter and the flight attendant. The woman must have weighted like 90 lbs at most. At that point, I cut my losses and went back to my seat and held it for another hour. It was by far the oddest flight in the world.