The worst is probably the time i was on an 11hr redeye to South Africa back in 2008. They were about to serve dinner (I was sitting in the front exit seat next to the gallery, leg room ftw, seriously i thought i was the luckiest guy in the world) and was watching Twilight (Edward is so hawt, ermahgerd).

Anyway, i was pretty into the movie with headphones on. Then i started to notice that the smell of our dinner (chicken and/or beef) started to be replaced by what seemed to be shit.

At first i kinda ignored it and just assumed it must be coming from the toilets which were a few feet away from me (dawned on me the front exit row perhaps isn’t that great after all). But it kept getting stronger, and stronger, to the point where it was physically burning my air passages, eyes, and all other soft tissue.

At this point I look up to figure out wtf is happening and to my absolute horror discover that the couple next to me are CHANGING THEIR BABY’S SHITTY DIAPER, AT THEIR SEATS, RIGHT NEXT TO ME!

My BrainOS crashes, i suffer some kind of BSOD, and just freeze with my mouth open and face scrunched up in horror, confusion, pain, and complete non-understanding of whats happening.

Horror/confusion turned to absolute rage but being the polite Englishman i am instead I concealed my true emotions and politely pointed out that the toilet, not 6 feet away, has baby changing facilities.

They replied in some form of broken english/tongues/gobbledygook (I later learned this is called Afrikaans, no offense to any South African’s reading this) and clearly didn’t understand what i was saying. DAMNIT!

I could see a steward in the gallery was also struggling with the slow melting of their soft tissues caused by this literal shitshow next to me. Caught their attention and gestured to the freakazoids next to me.

He came over and I’ll never forget his face as he was confronted with the scene. There were used shitty baby wipes EVERYWHERE, they placed the used diaper NEXT TO ME, and were applying some form of talcumpowder to the baby (which was going EVERYWHERE).

Now my thoughts of rage and pain were replaced by all the horrible things this guy was going to do/say to the couple and the baby. Surely there’s laws against what they just did i thought.

To my disappointment they just received a stern talking to in their native language. While I, for the remaining 9 hours, had to endure the lingering stench of shit, acid, and old people (talcum powder) preventing me from enjoying any sleep. I was now the unluckiest guy in the world.