I was on a JetBlue flight next to a 300lb mentally handicapped woman and her caretaker. Her caretaker immediately decided to nod off during takeoff next to the window, and the woman next to me decided that she would devote the entire duration of the Los Angeles-New York flight to her new mission in life. This mission was to lick me. So I can now say that I’ve spent several hours at 30,000 feet dodging a tongue. I ended up building a fort between us made up of pillows and blankets. Her caretaker woke up upon landing and said “Oh was she licking again?”

The one time I flew a normal flight on Spirit was still worse though.