This was the first time I ever valet’d my car and it got stolen. Twice.

It was probably right around 10 years ago a friend of mine was getting married downtown, at the kind of place that doesn’t have any real street or lot parking except for the reserved “valet” lot, so your only real choice was to valet or take your chance parking a great deal away.

The steak was awesome, the night was great and around 11pm as the reception was wrapping up and the party was going to move to the brewery down the street, the valet stumbled into the reception bloodied up. He had been pistol whipped and robbed of ALL of the keys for the entire wedding party, and being there were four of them, they stole four cars. One of them was my 2 year-ish old Pontiac G6.

This was the second time my car had been stolen so I handled it like I did the last time: tried to get a drink. They wouldn’t serve me, the entire place is going apeshit, people trying to figure out what to do without keys and the few people that did have keys (for some reason or another) were gathering up loads of people to take to common destinations. I was headed about an hour out and a nice family I didn’t know offered to drop me off since they were headed the same way.

About a hundred feet out of the lot on the way back they got rear ended in a hit and run.

They dropped me off, and not being totally lucid I didn’t realize I didn’t have my keys (duh), couldn’t get a hold of my roommates so I slept on the sidewalk.

Fast forward a few days when the four people who had cars stolen were being told everything was being done, and I believed them: the four thiefs stole the four cars, dumped three of them, went joyriding in the fourth, totaled it, carjacked an off duty police office and shot him (not fatally).

They caught the four guys a few days later and recovered three of the four cars. When the cops told me they found the guys but not my car, I asked “Did you ask them where it is?” which apparently isn’t funny. The location the guys gave didn’t have my car, so I had to wait 30 days from the theft for insurance to write it off as a total loss.

30 days later I’m on a lot about to purchase another G6 when I call the insurance to make sure I’m in the clear and they tell me, “Oh, they found it a couple days ago!”

Thanks assholes!

So I have to go through this whole shitshow to get it from the impound where it does not have: wheels, a battery, a drive side window, or an in tact steering column. However, my golf clubs were still there, but they took my bowling ball out of the bag and left the shoes. Thanks.

Busted window, busted steering column... someone stole my car from wherever the thiefs left it (they had the keys from the valet). Awesome. I had it repaired, drove it to the dealership to terminate the lease early and moved on.