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    TheDrDonna Wants a Buppet of CopcornKirsten West Savali
    12/20/17 6:45pm

    This is so vital to have this discussion. Stigma against sex workers stigmatizes everyone who has been pushed into sex work, which disproportionately includes Black women, as well as members of the LGBT community, especially youths and trans folks. It’s a corrosive cycle that also plays into our curiously American perspective that wealth equals morality, and thus those who lack wealth are innately immoral.

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      NikTheDrDonna Wants a Buppet of Copcorn
      12/20/17 10:05pm

      Speak on it. I have met some great Black trans women who had to turn to sex work to survive. Unlike most White trans women, Black trans women are less likely to have mental help health and ability to get jobs that pay living wages. Black trans women do not have the family or community support Whites have.

      Also, Black women as a whole don’t make anywhere near a White person’s dollar so many, especially those with kids, may have to rely on sex work. Some people think sex work means “crack whore” but there are things like webcam modeling that are legal and women pay taxes on. Black women are seen as ho’s no matter what we do anyway (For ex, Taylor Swift seen as America’s sweetheart despite her many boyfriends but Beyonce is called a ho). There are so many White girls becoming sugar babies or dominatrixes in New York. Many White women, even those with successful day jobs, engage in sex work, lots of them do it for fun. Black women engage in sex work to provide for the family and pay the rent. I am totally against underage trafficking, pimping, and anything harmful to women, but I am not against legal-aged women choosing sex work. The shame and stigma needs to end.

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      Borg QueenNik
      12/20/17 11:37pm

      “For ex, Taylor Swift seen as America’s sweetheart despite her many boyfriends but Beyonce is called a ho”

      To connect your point to the one in the article... Cardi B constantly has to “defend” her past as a dancer while Channing Tatum’s past as a dancer is seen as funny and cute and has directly led to his biggest career success. It perfectly illustrates the disparity in how our society views/judges the morality of a Black woman vs. a white man

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    karmacantwaitKirsten West Savali
    12/20/17 7:23pm

    When I think of sex workers it’s just makes me feel & worry sorry for them. I always wonder what happened in your past to cause you to take this road. I fear that you were forced into it. I question whether you were abused as a child. Were you on the verge of homelessness or already homeless? Where’s your family? Do you have a good family? My worst fear is that they had been raped.

    More of these stories need to be told. Because alot of people hear the word sex worker or prostitute & think....you signed up for this line of work voluntarily because this is what you wanted to do. They think you just decided to skip or give up on getting a regular job & decided to sell your body on the streets. So they automatically think you’re not being raped or be a victim.

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      MajorBurnkarmacantwait
      12/21/17 9:17am

      A very large percentage of women have been raped, or groped, or sexually harassed with threats of violence. Most women, really.

      It’s okay (laudable even) to be sympathetic towards sex workers, but I would caution you not to see them all as broken, or victims. Some are just working ladies with hustle, and that’s okay.

      I’m not going to shame or hate on anyone trying to just get by, or flourish on what others/men will try to take anyway.

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      TychoCelchuMajorBurn
      12/21/17 10:11am

      My best friend is a sex worker. Through her, I’ve chatted to a few of her friends in the industry. Your description of “working ladies with hustle” is as good a description as any. They found a job that they actually enjoy and pays well compared to other jobs that are open to them.

      While they try to brush off the shaming and hate that gets directed towards them, they still sometimes take it to heart. They regularly find themselves judged on their looks, body shape and profession. Some people just enjoy being cruel

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    lilac-iceKirsten West Savali
    12/20/17 7:02pm

    Thank you for this. We have to do better.

    I was involved in some research very recently within a few very specific communities. Within those communities almost all the young women (all black) engaged in transactional sex of one kind or another (a wide range) as a means of supplementing their income. Some considered themselves victims of sexual abuse, others found the relationships profoundly positive, it mostly depended on how powerful or powerful they felt in a situation, because often the terms of the arrangements were identical. But in each community the response to sex workers was virulent and vehement revulsion. It was youth action research, so young people conducting it with peers and in each case no matter how involved young women were in transactional relationships that mirrored sex work in all but name, they hated their sex worker peers. In the report, it was concluded that (primarily) because the practice itself is obviously not objectionable from a moral or religious standpoint as often suggested, for transactional sex to be normalised to the extent it was, the issue came with how sex workers subverted the one common theme in transactional sex relationships, who set the terms of the arrangement. In every case where a woman did not identify as a sex worker, men determined the what, how, when and where of the sex acts, with sex workers they chose all of these with pride. And that was what made them an affront to these societies.

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      SisterCarrie_not the other onelilac-ice
      12/20/17 8:14pm

      By any chance, is the research findings available online? I’d like to read more about it.

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      lilac-iceSisterCarrie_not the other one
      12/21/17 12:01am

      Hey, they will be in February. I can post a link here then.

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    The Ghost of James Madison's Rage BonerKirsten West Savali
    12/20/17 6:36pm

    When you consider how many women and girls are trafficked into this life and find themselves stuck there with no easy way out, passing judgement on them seems to me to be not just unfair but an act of moral abandonment.

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    LolaFalanasLongAssLegsKirsten West Savali
    12/20/17 6:50pm

    This right here:

    “When generations of institutional racism, lack of opportunities, along with sexual violence toward black women has made sex work an inextricable thread in the fabric of blackness in America, why is there so much disdain for them?”

    Indeed I don’t hate the player I hate the game. A woman choosing to do what they want with their bodies is feminist, but prostitution and stripping is not. While sex work benefits and by extension their families and loved ones that they support and some women feel liberated by working in the sex industry it reinforces the misogynic notion that women are only valued for bodies. I feel the same way about drug dealing, I understand the conditions that lead to it but I also understand how it destroys communities.

    I had a relative who tried stripping but the pressure to do drugs and turn tricks proved too much and in the end, the rush from being on stage gave way to very real depression. I spent my formative working years in the Hip-Hop music industry and in my first job as a publicist I was responsible for watching over my clients often time if we were on the road that meant attending strip clubs or parties with strippers. I was uncomfortable going but was pressured by bosses colleagues and just wanting to seem cool so I went numb. I’ve probably been to more strip clubs than the majority of men; high-end clubs in Vegas, Miami, LA, New York, hole in the wall joints, neighborhood titty bars and one speakeasy in a barn in Minnesota. The more I was exposed to watching women give blowjobs for extra tips, to women begging me to be their girlfriend to one artist throwing money at me to get on stage. In short, I’ve never seen a man who paid for sex or a lap dance emerge more enlightened or caring when it comes to women and sex.

    I understand I took a cis POV on this I don’t blame women or men for choosing sex work and increasingly believe that decriminalizing sex work is the best way to protect workers. Most of the judgment I feel is due to our conservative Christian roots, which forgives men and shames women for sexual “misdeeds”. There’s nothing wrong with shaking ass, nudity or loving the wonderful variety that sex embodies. We have found a way to celebrate young men who get out of the drug trade as ambitious entrepreneurs why can’t the same be said for our women who chose to move on from sex work they are no less valuable.

    Thank you for writing this.

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    Prostate of Dorian GrayKirsten West Savali
    12/20/17 6:27pm

    Thank you for telling stories like this. Nobody ever worries about people forced to the fringes.

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    StrangerSnacksKirsten West Savali
    12/20/17 10:05pm

    I was a sex worker (stripper then escort) off and on for about ten years. I actually preferred the prostitution. The men were nicer, the money was better, the money was ALL MINE, I got to be choosy about clients. It even improved my personal relationships. I was demanding (and getting) better treatment from clients than I was from guys I was dating. I was very safety conscious and was lucky to never have had a bad experience. I absolutely had hinky dudes try to set stuff up, but the (independent) women these days provide references, and guys who are thinking with their dicks often make stupid mistakes which make it very easy to track them online and check them out.

    My worst date? My 8th grade history teacher lol.

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      BomboncitoStrangerSnacks
      12/21/17 4:06pm

      Hell.. You should have given him a homework assignment on how to be a better client.. hee hee😁

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    SheeshTheseNamesKirsten West Savali
    12/21/17 9:44am

    Is it not appropriate to use the word “stripper” or “prostitute?” I don’t attach any particular emotion to those words; they are descriptive without being (I thought) negative, like the word “whore,” but also without being so vague as to not be quite accurate, like the general “dancer.” Is that not the case, in your opinion?

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      YeahMaybe, it could be detritusSheeshTheseNames
      12/21/17 10:31am

      Most sex workers do not like ‘prostitute’, at least that was the case when I was doing my research into policy. You’re going to find a variety of levels of dislike for specific terms and some want to reclaim certain words, too.

      To be safe, and polite, I try to use sex worker, escort or dancer. I’d rather be a dweeb than be a jerk in these cases.

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    Acute Angle-uhKirsten West Savali
    12/20/17 6:47pm

    The denial, hypocrisy, and cruelty are off the charts. Thank you for speaking on this.

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    StartingOverEasyKirsten West Savali
    12/20/17 6:49pm

    I don’t know what to tell you. The Black community is generally hypocritically religious, not remotely socially liberal, anti LGBTQA, and sex negative.

    I support victims, no matter their background. I’m fine with sex workers, although I personally have reservations about some areas of sex work. But I am definitely an odd Black woman.

    The Black community needs massive growth in how we see and deal with sex as a whole. I’m not really sure we are progressing these days.

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