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Downton FlabbyAnne Branigin
12/01/17 5:44pm
Unfortunately, this isn’t the only survey that suggests something is very, very wrong with the way men perceive sexual harassment in this country.
I work in a male dominated industry. Given some of the casually misogynistic behavior I’ve witnessed over the years, I suspect a good portion of these men probably genuinely believe that the very concept of sexual harassment is just some misandrist philosophy cooked up by “feminazis” to oppress and punish them. They literally believe that any level of female push back in response to any of their exhibited behavior, however boorish it is, is just part of some feminist conspiracy to emasculate them.
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  IslaLatinaDownton Flabby
  12/01/17 6:24pm
  I wish they would also have included whether these men think “raping your wife” is actually possible. Because I have a feeling that 100% of the men who answered those questions incorrectly would also fail that one.
  (I learned that twisted viewpoint actually existed from my own father when I was 9 and he was laughing hysterically while recounting my mother’s assertion that he had raped her. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and witnessing).
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  Rooo sez BISH PLZDownton Flabby
  12/01/17 6:35pm
  “feminazis”
  If I NEVER hear that stupid, boneheaded, utterly empathy-devoid portmanteau again, it’ll be too soon.
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LJ909Anne Branigin
12/01/17 5:21pm
I’ve had to tell some friends of mine to back off. A lot of us really don’t understand either no means no or or just plain “damn bro back off shes not interested.” Some guys honestly think repetition will eventually get a yes or consent from women and it doesn’t work like that. sometimes theres almost this entitlement element of surprise that comes with a woman turning down a man. Its like “ you mean me being uncomfortably close and continuously pushing up on you is unwanted? No one turns me down!” As a man this really is disturbing to me.
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  Dinosaurs and Nachos, Very Legal and Very Cool!LJ909
  12/01/17 5:34pm
  I once made this observation about the way my husband treated me that I think is applicable.
  “Nobody expects the table to complain if you put stuff on it.”
  Because he treated me like an object or a piece of furniture, he would get miffed when I expressed frustration or pain about his actions. I was just an object, what right did I have to complain about fulfilling my function?
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  LJ909Dinosaurs and Nachos, Very Legal and Very Cool!
  12/01/17 5:47pm
  That’s a thing I think a lot of us men need to deal with, getting out of looking at women objectively. Its even worse when your married to someone like that as in your case I’m sorry to hear. Clean, cook and have sex with me is the line of thinking a lot of women’s husbands have. And then when you speak up about how your being treated its met with a surprise and how dare you like you pointed out. Its toxic and sad.
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SHoughAnne Branigin
12/01/17 5:01pm
Two/thirds of men also didn’t consider repeated, unsolicited invitations to drinks, dinner or dates to be sexual harassment.
Okay, this might sound stupid, but please bear with me. Obviously, the date thing I get. But what if it’s a coworker of the opposite sex who’s married and you’re inviting her and her spouse?
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  Bronx Resident Benjamin WhiteSHough
  12/01/17 5:11pm
  I think that’s pretty bold of you to creep on her in front of her husband like that.
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  MajorBurnSHough
  12/01/17 5:13pm
  It would depend on your intent I suppose; it might read either as sexual harassment, or just plain harassment.
  People who are interested in hanging out with coworkers tend to reciprocate invitations and not flake.
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Hello, America: Find Your SoulAnne Branigin
12/01/17 5:54pm
I kinda don’t buy it. They know. You know how I know they know? Because if that many people didn’t think this shit was wrong, they’d do it out in the open and not threaten their victims with retaliation if they open their mouths. These things are written into codes of conduct from fucking middle school to the work place, they are laws, they are plot lines in movies, they are present and well-known. They say this shit because they think it gets them out of being responsible. It’s a tale as old as time, and someone in the Kinjaverse posted this article that validates all my suspicions.
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  Hello, America: Find Your SoulHello, America: Find Your Soul
  12/01/17 5:59pm
  Ha, really, the percentages of men saying they didn’t realize any of this counts as harassment are probably pretty similar to the percentages of men committing it on a regular basis.
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  Sweet Potato Sam AKA Party Leader of the Thundercrats HOOOOO!Hello, America: Find Your Soul
  12/01/17 6:16pm
  My money says that the perpetrator ratio is higher. I don’t want to assume your gender, but experience, and the abundance of unsolicited dickpics says that alot of dudes think that they get a pass.
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Sweet Potato Sam AKA Party Leader of the Thundercrats HOOOOO!Anne Branigin
12/01/17 5:05pm
Before the grey menace bubbles up from their undeserved outrage, you either:
A) Are not a terrible person and none of this applies to you, so you’re butthurt is invalid.
B) Are a terrible person and your hurt fee-fees can get fucked on the tallest dildo in town.
This shit is fucked, just like it always has been. If you are not interested in helping, please shut all of the fucks up.
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  Sweet Potato Sam AKA Party Leader of the Thundercrats HOOOOO!Sweet Potato Sam AKA Party Leader of the Thundercrats HOOOOO!
  12/01/17 5:27pm
  Your not you’re. Damn Autocorrect!
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  Erik LonnrotSweet Potato Sam AKA Party Leader of the Thundercrats HOOOOO!
  12/01/17 5:34pm
  If you’re feeling butt hurt about this, you’re probably part of the problem.
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ThursdayThe19thAnne Branigin
12/01/17 4:53pm
Well said. I just don’t understand how so many people don’t get this.
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  Mortal DictataThursdayThe19th
  12/01/17 5:00pm
  Growing up men are endlessly praised as special, handsome, intelligent, and that women will love them.
  Most realise that’s just what parents say before drinking to deal with the stress of said brat when they leave the room.
  Some however believe all that claptrap and believe they have a special licence to control women.
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  Dinosaurs and Nachos, Very Legal and Very Cool!ThursdayThe19th
  12/01/17 5:31pm
  I was on reddit the other day. Don’t judge, I just. It was a thing.
  Anyway, there was some teenage boy writing about this girl he wants to be with and how she maybe kinda played some mind games and he asked her out and she told him that she was not interested.
  He went on and on about whether he should try to win her heart in this weirdly artificial timeframe he had created. Several comments were like, dude. She already turned you down. She said no. Move on.
  And he was all, I caaaaaaan’t. I want her so muuuuuuuch. It hurts so bad not to be wiiiiiiiiith her. But every comment was just about how much he wanted. How bad he hurt. Him, him, him.
  I can’t explain it but it was so painfully obvious that her feelings about the matter literally didn’t matter to him except insofar as they were some sort of gatekeeper to him getting what he wanted. Which was her. Not her love and affection. Not her attention (which he already had as her friend). No. HER. Her absent her feelings of course, but her nonetheless.
  For one brief moment, I felt like I had an inside view of one of these guy’s brains and how utterly and completely self-centered it is. I can’t understand this thought process because like, who wants to be with someone who doesn’t burn for them right back, you know? But here was this guy for whom the question was completely irrelevant. He talked about winning a girl like some people talk about winning trophies. His passion seemed to make up for a lot of missing depth. And I suddenly understood how rape, and sexual assault, and sexual harassment could be so pervasive, unchecked. If this is how some people’s brains work, then I just got even more scared than I was before. Sorry for the novel, it was just completely eye opening to me in a way I had never experienced before.
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Dosadi's failed experimentAnne Branigin
12/01/17 6:35pm
I just hired an IT guy. He comes to my office in the late afternoon to apologize for putting his hand on my back. I was like....what???? I didn’t even notice or remember. He proceeds to say “in today’s atmosphere”. I proceeded to give him a lecture on inappropriate touching.
“Grab or honk my breasts, grab or pinch my ass and it’s a problem. It is not that difficult”
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  helgaperezDosadi's failed experiment
  12/01/17 7:02pm
  I used to have a salesman who would come by my shop and give me and my female supervisor unsolicited neck/back rubs. Just the women. Never the men. I would have liked to see what would have happened if he walked up behind one of my male bosses and started giving them a surprise back rub.
  He was surprised and offended when I told him not to do that to me.
  If your coworker has just become aware that he is ONLY touching female coworkers on the back and not his male coworkers, and has resolved to treat his male and female coworkers with the same respect, I’d say that’s a good thing.
  If he’s just stopping touching people because “today’s atmosphere” confuses and frightens him and he has no idea what is acceptable and what is not, that’s not so good.
  I hope your workplace is able to offer anti-harassment training.
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  TrekRiderDosadi's failed experiment
  12/01/17 7:51pm
  Not to be a dick, but some people don’t like to be touched at all. I’m side eyeing that “I’m today’s atmosphere” comment though, make me think he’s only not harassing women because he will get in trouble.
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ThoseAreDigimonAnne Branigin
12/01/17 6:16pm
Me every time my co-workers discuss sexual harassment news:
Then they get on the subject of the shit Louise CK did and whether it “counts” and I’m like
I think they’re serious....
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  helgaperezThoseAreDigimon
  12/01/17 6:53pm
  I was out at dinner the other night and the host overheard our table discussing sexual harassment and said, “If I was rich, I would be in big trouble!”. That just twisted my brain in so many ways I can’t even count. Did he mean he thinks people only cry harassment to get money, but at the same time he seems to know he’s done things other people would not like? It makes no sense to me!
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  ThoseAreDigimonhelgaperez
  12/01/17 8:03pm
  I know guys that act paranoid that someone is going to be posting some shit about them on #MeToo or something and I sit there thinking “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN THE PAST?!”
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hocuspocusoctopusAnne Branigin
12/01/17 5:18pm
So much trash.
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Not Enough Day DrinkingAnne Branigin
12/01/17 5:01pm
Another survey, conducted by Instamotor
Well there’s your problem. The people conducting your survey work for a company that sounds like an outfit that specializes in making potent aphrodisiacs that you can only buy through shady catalogs.
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  Rooo sez BISH PLZNot Enough Day Drinking
  12/01/17 5:20pm
  Yeah, I’m not thinking that’s the only problem. If the survey or the people giving the survey were the only problem - Congress and Hollywood and pretty much every U.S. workplace (and global one, really - let me not front; some places may have it under better control, but this is a MALE ENTITLEMENT problem) wouldn’t be crawling with sexual harassment the way it is now.
  The survey & its issuers may well be a problem, but IMHO the biggest problems here are with the breathtaking entitlement of the men taking the survey, and the culture that enabled them to think any of that was okay.
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  Not Enough Day DrinkingRooo sez BISH PLZ
  12/01/17 6:17pm
  It was intentioned as a joke. There’s not much to add to the discussion...“yup, men and women feel differently about sex.”
  The definition of what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior is decided by the society and the times, but you’re never going to get men and women to agree completely on where the line is because they do not think the same way or perceive the same actions the same way.
  I often hear women say something like ‘well what if you were the one getting your ass grabbed?’ They think it’s like some big gotcha moment, but most men would probably say ‘so what?’ or ‘I wouldn’t mind one bit.’
  I used to wait tables and I had my ass grabbed several times either by other wait staff or even customers (no, I didn’t reciprocate because I’m not a dumbass). But it wasn’t an ‘oh my god, I was just assaulted’ moment it was just fooling around and everyone laughed.
  Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying women should get over it or lighten up or excusing behavior that’s obviously predatory. I’m saying men and women come from different places of understanding. All these surveys do is confirm that.
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