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    iThorMichael Harriot
    11/17/17 9:35am

    Does anyone else think it’s possible that one guy kidnapped a woman, is calling her “girlfriend”, and a rescue party needs to go out and save her? Because that whole controlling her food thing was the freakiest and most disturbing thing I‘ve read this week.

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      MajorBurniThor
      11/17/17 9:41am

      I think he completely made that up, or his gf was white, quite frankly. It does sound like some Ariel Castro shit.

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      Squib308iThor
      11/17/17 9:55am

      I was thinking ‘homeboy _FANTASIZED_ about having a girlfriend, then he thought to himself “what if she eats all my dollar store soup? I know what I’d do...”’.

      You could be right, though. That’s a pretty fucked up thing to even fantasize about, or, whatever you might call it.

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    MajorBurnMichael Harriot
    11/17/17 9:37am

    How do you decompress after reading so much super-concentrated stupid?

    I love how the same butthurt wypipo who want everyone to “just speak English” seem to have severe difficulties reading and writing said language.

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      YeshaMajorBurn
      11/17/17 9:44am

      weed & henny.

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      Prostate of Dorian GrayMajorBurn
      11/17/17 9:52am

      It’s like a war on paragraphs. At least break the screed up. I wish people would understand that indignance is not a substitute for clarity.

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    hillratMichael Harriot
    11/17/17 9:34am

    *I prefer the pure simplicity of “porch monkey.”

    In 10th grade I was called a “moon cricket.” Now at the time there was no such thing as Urban Dictionary where you could find the etymology of racist insults, but I definitely knew I was being insulted. It remains one of my favorite racist insults.

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      MajorBurnhillrat
      11/17/17 9:39am

      See, when I first heard ‘Jigaboo’ I thought the person who said it was having a mini stroke.

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      Borealishillrat
      11/17/17 10:30am

      “Moon cricket” almost sounds whimsical. I wouldn’t have guessed it was a slur (but OF COURSE it is. Sigh). Racists trying to be poetic.

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    kaizenMichael Harriot
    11/17/17 10:35am

    I know it’s hard dealing with the racism against white people. I’ve felt it too. Last year, while filling out my taxes, I told my son to get his registration so I could see how much I paid to register his car. I walked to the garage with him, and when he fumbled around in the glove compartment searching for the right paper, I yelled at him. I wasn’t being mean, but in that moment, all I could think about was “what if the wrong cop was standing over this black kid fumbling around in his glove compartment?” That stupid little moment teenage carelessness could cost my son his life, because he is black. It is a tough thing to wrestle with, watching your children, knowing the more they grow, the more they become prey. It is scary to think about that every time they leave the house. And then I thought:I bet this is just how Dusty feels when he reads words on the internet.See? Our battles with racism are the same, Dusty.

    This is probably one of the best things I have ever seen you write (so far) - and that’s saying a lot since I usually waffle between outrage and hellacious laughter when I read most of your pieces.

    This was a sucker punch with a velvet glove.

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      Why Why Why?kaizen
      11/17/17 2:33pm

      My sentiments exactly. Brilliant!

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    cogitoMichael Harriot
    11/17/17 10:42am

    I don’t advocate violence very often but, appropriately names “buildthewall” probably needs to be shot. Maybe like, in the knee. Just so he can’t go to the store and has to rely on his slave, i mean girlfriend, to feed him.

    SN: If whiteness is evil, those that embrace it are evil. Whiteness is certainly evil.

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      Once You Pop, You Can’t Stop
      11/17/17 12:01pm

      Yeah, that fucker better hope he never gets sick or injured lest his long-suffering woman decide to pull some Misery shit on him. I think his story is made up, though. I hope it is, dear god.

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      Monkeypox0104
      11/17/17 2:26pm

      I always thought that’s where the expression of “capping” came from, when gangs would straight up shoot people in their knee caps. Is this an urban legend?

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    ItsdefinitelymeagainMichael Harriot
    11/17/17 10:08am

    “My girlfriend was one of those black people that relied on welfare because she didn’t want to work. I told her that she was only allowed to eat dollar store soup until she got a job & kept my food which was mainly meat & poultry was in a chest freezer. She left my food alone & found a job in only 1 week .”


    I don’t get this. How did he make her eat only dollar store soup? Why did it matter that he locked up the “meat & poultry”? SHE WAS ON WELFARE. What happened to her food stamps? Why couldn’t she just use them to buy stuff? I’m so confused by this very disturbing kidnapping/slavery/human trafficking story that I can’t even focus on the patronizing stupidity-racism.  

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      BorealisItsdefinitelymeagain
      11/17/17 10:31am

      I’m with Michael. People who lock their fridge or freezer are monsters.

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      Petty BettyItsdefinitelymeagain
      11/17/17 10:34am

      That was his made up fantasy of how he views a black woman and welfare. It was disturbing as hell in its awfulness. He couldn’t make sense of shit he knows nothing about.

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    TheEldreadMichael Harriot
    11/17/17 9:20am

    From: Mike

    Your just another niggger jealous of white people and pissed because you were born black, I would be to, you blacks snivel about everything and blame everyone else for your woes, but it is you who are to blame for the way people of all races see blacks and the way we see you is justified by the way people of all races see blacks and the way we see you is justified by the way blaks as a whole are, basically lie animals, all races really hate blacks, even blacks hate blacks and kill each other by the hunddreds every day, you wil alwasy be the scum of the earth and rightly so

    Your browser does not support HTML5 video tag.Click here to view original GIF

    Dear Mike, WTF are you smoking? The spelling, the grammar, the ignorance... You’re the triple threat of idiocy.

    My head would explode if I had to go through all these letters every week.

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      Prostate of Dorian GrayTheEldread
      11/17/17 9:54am

      Can you imagine how sad, angry, and powerless that dude’s life is? That’s a ticking time bomb.

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      BorealisProstate of Dorian Gray
      11/17/17 10:30am

      Right? This is a dude who will one day shoot up a church or a school. THIS IS what you need to be looking for, FBI.

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    Sweet Potato Sam AKA Party Leader of the Thundercrats HOOOOO!Michael Harriot
    11/17/17 9:19am
    Your browser does not support HTML5 video tag.Click here to view original GIF

    Thank you, Micheal Harriot, for Making Fridays Great Again.

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      Sweet Potato Sam AKA Party Leader of the Thundercrats HOOOOO!Sweet Potato Sam AKA Party Leader of the Thundercrats HOOOOO!
      11/17/17 9:45am

      Why does my autocorrect not like “Michael”?

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      MatisyahuSeriousSweet Potato Sam AKA Party Leader of the Thundercrats HOOOOO!
      11/17/17 9:59am

      its sort of a thing now.

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    Rarely Sober InsomniacMichael Harriot
    11/17/17 9:27am

    This is, by far, my favorite thing on The Root to read. I look forward to it all week.

    Standout highlight for me: “even a trash can catches a steak some days.” 

    Yup, I’m keeping that for future use.

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      MajorBurnRarely Sober Insomniac
      11/17/17 9:36pm

      That was a Pulitzer lvl burn.

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    900turboMichael Harriot
    11/17/17 10:33am

    My uncle had a PhD in Journalism and spent 30+ years teaching 7th grade English to thousands of young black kids including me. I EARNED a B in his class. I’d rather chew my arm off than end a sentence with a preposition.

    I read those lazy-ass letters and I just kept shouting out loud, “FUUUCK!!!”

    Not because of what they were saying but because these sumbitches can’t read or write. They take “nigger” or “black on black crime” or “I’m not a racist, but..”, stand on top of it and look down their nose while they beat the shit out of the written word. I had to go into TrumpMode, throw comprehension to the four winds and pick through that rambling mess a word at a time. FUUUCK!!!

    Sorry about the rant. I just came here to say:

    Michael.

    Big Beef.

    Fucking.

    Harriot.

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      Lily Bart's Gambling Debt900turbo
      11/17/17 12:45pm

      You’re losing a prepositional battle, my friend. I’m an editorial by profession. My edits get reversed all the time. I have to edit myself in conversation. I was at a party over the weekend where someone said she had had a horrific experience flying to JFK. I wanted to say, “Oh, from where did you come?” but I amended that to “Where did you come in from?”

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      900turboLily Bart's Gambling Debt
      11/17/17 1:28pm

      Wow.

      I never noticed but when I speak I go straight to, “Where did you come in from?” without giving it a thought.

      Reply