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    Kinja!Shep McAllister
    12/31/69 6:00pm

    This comment or account was deleted on Disqus before The A.V. Club's comments were migrated to Kinja.

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      The Porkchop ExpressKinja!
      2/14/17 1:25pm

      Yeah, the only way to get IT to do any work is to bribe them with candy.

      This is not a joke. Our IT guys are shit.

      Reply
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      scortius the charioteerKinja!
      2/14/17 1:46pm

      I find the idea of cable sleeves better than the actual sleeves. Because anytime a cable wrapped up in one of those things goes bad, replacing it fucking sucks.

      Reply
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    Bob BalaBAMShep McAllister
    2/14/17 12:42pm

    Also, fear not, these aren’t the sugar-free ones that famously do horrible things to you body."

    Oh, good. These are my health food gummi bears. I have to look out for me body.

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      cigaretteBob BalaBAM
      2/14/17 12:51pm

      EAT SUGAR
      http://mascola.com/wp-conte…

      Reply
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      The Guilty Partycigarette
      2/14/17 12:53pm

      Huh, what does the sugar industry have against turtles?

      Reply
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    MorgendorfferShep McAllister
    2/14/17 1:41pm

    A friend of mine bought me that 5 lb. bag of gummy bears for Christmas (he usually gives me one nice gift and then one gift that is funny to him). I have no freaking clue what to do with it.

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      Janet SnakeholeMorgendorffer
      2/14/17 1:56pm

      …eat them…?

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      MarkthulhuMorgendorffer
      2/14/17 1:56pm

      Save it until Halloween and then give the entire bag to some unsuspecting kid. Their parents will love it!

      Reply
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    Malfunctioning EddieShep McAllister
    2/14/17 12:44pm

    A coworker has a metal tumbler w a metal straw and it is so damned annoying. Always clanking it around during meetings…

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      cigaretteMalfunctioning Eddie
      2/14/17 12:52pm

      That person will be running the company inside of five years, mark my words.

      Reply
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      psibMalfunctioning Eddie
      2/14/17 12:53pm

      I only drink room temp water during the day so I never understood why you want to keep a drink ice cold all day.

      Reply
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    Precious TritiumShep McAllister
    2/14/17 1:01pm

    Uh if I am not mistaken, those Gummy Bears are from hell. Per a popular amazon review:

    "No. I see you considering purchasing these. A fun little prank to play on your digestional tract.

    These are Satan. Bears.
    Myself and a few buddys, after laughing about some reviews, decided to buy some. Weapon storage was all it was. The package came a few days later, amd we chuckled and tried some.

    These mother frickers are fabulous. The taste is like having a package of skittles pee on your tastebuds. Truly astounding. So, as they are delicious, I decided to eat a few more. And then some more. Nothing really happened that night. A little bloating, some discomfort, nothing to fret about. So, praising the nine that I must have been one who can tolerate the sugar substitute, when i got to work the next day, i sat down with a bowl and chowed down.

    That night. Oh God forgive that night.

    I was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasnt experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing.

    When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true.

    Eat two at a time. Three if you're brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE."
    https://www.amazon.com/revi…

    Edit: Okay, they're not the sugar-free ones, but it's still funny.

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      Ricky CooginPrecious Tritium
      2/14/17 1:10pm

      "See, people, you go to the grocery store and you buy those bags with all the little candy bars in them and you go home and eat them all up and when you're done, you feel just like that bag: empty inside."

      Reply
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    Kinja!Shep McAllister
    12/31/69 6:00pm

    This comment or account was deleted on Disqus before The A.V. Club's comments were migrated to Kinja.

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      The Porkchop ExpressKinja!
      2/14/17 1:32pm

      They'll never read it.

      Reply
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      HungWeiLoKinja!
      2/14/17 2:33pm

      Reminds me of the time when my wife's IT told her over the phone that she needs to email them a ticket request for the network outage issue that she has.

      Reply
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    Kinja!Shep McAllister
    12/31/69 6:00pm

    This comment or account was deleted on Disqus before The A.V. Club's comments were migrated to Kinja.

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      TaumpyTearrsKinja!
      2/14/17 5:46pm

      That's good to know. Every couple of months I seem to have an issue here with formatting or disqus for a day or two, and I always worry that's the end of me using the site at work (which would pretty much be an end to me using the site in general). I never spent as much time on The Dissolve as I wanted to because for most of its existence it was unusable on my work computer.

      I do have to wait until I get home to check my disqus notifications now, though. That feature hasn't worked for weeks so I assume its not going to start working again.

      Reply
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    Kinja!Shep McAllister
    12/31/69 6:00pm

    This comment or account was deleted on Disqus before The A.V. Club's comments were migrated to Kinja.

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      NeuroticmooseKinja!
      2/14/17 6:54pm

      My dad worked in IT for a few decades before the hospital he worked at let him go due to their new stat based performance reviews (ie guy who came in to trim the fat) despite him being very close to retirement age, and he only ever had bad things to say about the field, the kids he worked with were nice though and he always had funny stories about them dicking around, but it really was like they were at war with the brain dead hospital workers from the way he tells it.

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    Kinja!Shep McAllister
    12/31/69 6:00pm

    This comment or account was deleted on Disqus before The A.V. Club's comments were migrated to Kinja.

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      TaumpyTearrsKinja!
      2/14/17 11:16pm

      I can still comment and stuff, though, I just get the "Darn it" error when I try and check notifications or click on my profile. A lot of stuff is blocked,but I usually get a message that it is blocked (The Onion, Cracked, any video game website, blogs, and pretty much all video content are blocked).

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    Prettaay GoodShep McAllister
    2/14/17 12:49pm

    A quote from the Amazon 5lb goldbear bag FAQ:

    "Will i get hiroshima out my bum hole only if i buy the 5lbs bag or can i buy the 3.53oz bag and still have the same outcome"

    Answer: The ratio is prefectly balanced at 1lb per megaton of sphincter force. The 3.53oz bag is the more gentle Stinger Missile; while it would take approximately 1lb to achieve Hiroshima out your bum hole. The truly brave can eat the full five pounds to reach a sphincter core meltdown to match Chernobly, complete with evacuations of nearby villages.

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      Ed HockenPrettaay Good
      2/14/17 11:43pm

      So, that's what brought down the Soviet Union.

      Reply