Kinja reply list

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det-devil-ailsStephen A. Crockett Jr.
7/17/17 1:14pm
“Mikey... Mikey... we never told you that you were adopted. We figured you knew... You’re a 50-year-old man. This never dawned on you?”
“But, but... I love lasagna!”
“Everyone does.”
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  SheeshTheseNamesdet-devil-ails
  7/17/17 1:27pm
  Yeah...what the fuck? Does he not own a mirror? If both of this man’s parents are white, he is adopted. It’s obvious to anyone with eyes, and he is crazy to still be in denial about that.
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  hocuspocusoctopusSheeshTheseNames
  7/17/17 1:40pm
  The guy’s father left when he was like four and lost all contact with his father’s side of the family. I feel like Maury (and soap operas) was made for this type of stuff.
  He at least needs to do an Ancestry.com deal. Because my god, his words are embarrassing.
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Cardi B's Other ShoeStephen A. Crockett Jr.
7/17/17 1:01pm
If he don’t go sit his black MAC NW40 ass down the fuck somewhere.
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  hocuspocusoctopusCardi B's Other Shoe
  7/17/17 1:27pm
  I was thinking more NW 45. That man looks darker than me in those photos.
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  Cardi B's Other Shoe
  7/17/17 1:36pm
  In the outdoor photo he looks almost NC50, but his undertones aren’t neutral enough, so NW45 would be too deep. Either way, he black.
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stilljustachickStephen A. Crockett Jr.
7/17/17 1:06pm
I love your grandfather.
As a person of Mediterranean descent, I’ve known plenty of people from southern Italy who look like North Africans and vice versa. You’d think we were all from the same place almost. None of us look like this guy. Most of us might be called “middle eastern” or something, but not usually black. Thing is, I know some of those people do identify as black. I’ve never met anyone who actually could identify as black from that part of the world, but insists they are not. I’m not trying to tell him how to identify, but maybe he’s African and Italian, or Black american and Italian - Why not be proud of both?
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  Malcirestilljustachick
  7/17/17 6:51pm
  To be fair Italy was a huge trade area to the Middle East and North Africa (and was since ancient times). So people in Europe along the Mediterranean looking like people from those areas really isn’t surprising.
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  FatmonstermanMalcire
  7/17/17 7:11pm
  Yeah, and every American has Native American blood which is why they’re all so tan *rolls eyes right out of head*.
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skefflesStephen A. Crockett Jr.
7/17/17 1:02pm
I know how to definitively settle the issue of whether he is black or not. He goes up to a cop at 2am to ask if they know the time or if they have a light for a cigarette and if they shoot him dead like a dog, then he is black.
Seriously though, Italians in general have a high probability of having partial black ancestry just because Italy has been a major trade conduit between Europe and Africa for centuries. The further down the boot of Italy you go the more you see features of African descent to the point it is more common than not. And that is no bad thing either.
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  500 Days of Kitten Calamariskeffles
  7/17/17 1:18pm
  The way I’d put it to Mike Tirico is: If you were around in 1950, would you have had to sit in the back of the bus?
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  Some People, No thanksskeffles
  7/17/17 1:19pm
  Seriously though, Italians in general have a high probability of having partial black ancestry just because Italy has been a major trade conduit between Europe and Africa for centuries.
  
  Please cite your sources. Sicilians have may have *some* North African or Levant DNA in them, but it is not really that prevalent and has nothing to do with Black ancestry. Stop eroding my ancestry and heritage to include your fantasy. Essentially, Italians on the peninsula are basically the same people from 3000 years ago, while Sicily is a mix of OG italians, ancient Carthagianians, Pheonicians, Normans, and Greek.s
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AngelaInDetroitStephen A. Crockett Jr.
7/17/17 12:51pm
I think we should have a battle royal between him and Rachel whatsherface.
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  boredalwaysAngelaInDetroit
  7/17/17 12:57pm
  ...yeaaaaaah, I don’t think Negrodamus has time for Rachael Dolezal’s shit.
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  EvenBaggierTrousers5AngelaInDetroit
  7/17/17 12:59pm
  This is why I kinda want to see this run its course. There were a lot of (white?) folks who demanded to know why Rachael Dolezal couldn’t be “black” is race is a construct/something something transgenders, so why not transracial, etc. I’m curious about their perspective on this, a guy who claims to be Italian not by region of birth but by (mostly) genetics.
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boredalwaysStephen A. Crockett Jr.
7/17/17 1:03pm
Either there was a Moor in lineage or somebody was cheating on the other.
I say we call Dr. Henry Louis Gates, Jr. and let him figure it out.
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  greymanboredalways
  7/17/17 1:51pm
  Yeah, if he really thinks that his parents and grandparents were all white, then I’m thinking mama Tirico may have been lying about what she was doing all those nights she was supposedly going out to her ‘Bridge Club’.
  No matter who you are, that’s who you are. Own it, be proud of it, maybe even learn a little bit about it if you’re so inclined...
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ThirdAmendmentManStephen A. Crockett Jr.
7/17/17 1:55pm
So he’s Sicilian?
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  Where are my keys?ThirdAmendmentMan
  7/17/17 2:57pm
  Shit, this scene is the first thing I thought of.
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  ThirdAmendmentManWhere are my keys?
  7/17/17 2:59pm
  Yeah I mean it perfectly shows Tarantino’s obsession with saying “nigger” but I just started laughing thinking “So Tirico is Christopher Walken’s brother?”
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Pinoco82Stephen A. Crockett Jr.
7/17/17 1:39pm
Am I the only person who doesn’t find this story the least bit funny? Especially when you think about all the likely explanations and their potential ramifications... His mother may have cheated on his father, and once the kid was old enough that he could tell it wasn’t his, dad splits, and mom continues to lie to the kid (there’s a really infuriating documentary called Little White Lie that looks at a family with a similar story). Or, his parents may have adopted him (it was common 50 years ago for adoptions to be kept both closed and completely secret from the adopted child) thinking they were getting a white kid when they actually got a mixed child instead (also not unheard of with white birth mothers of black/biracial children); this could have been a contributing factor to dad and his side of the family cutting off all contact given the prevalence and intensity of anti-Black racism; mom chooses never to tell Tirico. Or, maybe this is one of those instances of Black ancestry from the more distant past making itself known through a quirk of genetics... this could also have caused a lot of painful shit to go down within the family; father could have refused to believe his mother had been faithful; or maybe he just couldn’t stand the idea of having to raise a black child; or maybe it wasn’t a contributing factor to his dad leaving at all, but his mom and the rest of the family clearly don’t seem to have been that open about discussing race either, based on Tirico’s reluctance to talk about it/explore it. Either way, I would venture to guess his childhood was no picnic. I’m imaging an Italian-American version of the Sandra Laing story or something. In any case, yeah, not really fodder for comedy, to my mind.
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  BrwnskngurlPinoco82
  7/17/17 2:50pm
  I agree it’s not funny, because what I find really not funny is his “decision” not to check the box; or his decision to be anything but who he is. He’s a sad, self-hating man, and I literally have NO time for him, or bruthas/sistas like him. Fuck him. And when they (meaning the whites) come after you with pitchforks and remind you VERY QUICKLY you are NOT one of them, do not think about coming back to your “roots”. You will find a hand at your black face, much like the one we throw up at Tiger, OJ and Bill Cosby. Beggone, muthafucka.
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  GWPtheTrilogy1Brwnskngurl
  7/17/17 6:50pm
  ...except we took all of the people you mentioned back.
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BiturbowagonStephen A. Crockett Jr.
7/17/17 9:15pm
This story reminds me of a documentary I saw last year:
http://www.littlewhiteliethefilm.com
A girl, Lacey Schwartz, was born into an Ashkenazy Jewish family in upstate NY. She was reared white. Her family suggested that her dark complexion was the result of a Sicilian grandfather.
Only in college did she learn the truth: her mother had an affair with an African-American man. That man was her father.
So, what’s the story with Mr. Tirico? Is it like that of Lacey Schwartz — did his mother have an affair with (or was otherwise inseminated by) a black man? Was he adopted? Did an ancestor pass?
A DNA test might help answer these questions, if he is so inclined.
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  kcunningBiturbowagon
  7/18/17 9:11am
  This American Life covered a story where a similar thing happened! Look for Act One:
  https://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/214/transcript
  It was even an Italian family! They told him for YEARS that he was “black Italian” until the truth came out: His mother had been messing around with two guys when she became pregnant. The white guy assumed that the child was his, and they spent years telling themselves that their son just had some recessive “moorish” traits.
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  reflectioneternalBiturbowagon
  7/18/17 1:30pm
  Some of it was heart breaking especially the scenes where she is talking to her father (the man that raised her).
  But the scene were she talks to her bi-racial boyfriend from highschool (who was super fine) and he says he thought she was bi-racial also but then met her parents for the first time but didnt say anything because he thought she just didnt want to talk about it. I died with laughter.
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ThirdAmendmentManStephen A. Crockett Jr.
7/17/17 1:52pm
Tirico is aware that being Italian doesn’t preclude one from being black, right?
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