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    Thotline Bling: black girl supremacyBassey Ikpi
    5/10/17 9:53am

    Bassey, I always enjoy your pieces here. Thank you for writing about your struggle with mental illness and your general advocacy for others with behavioral health issues. It means a lot to me as a black woman who suffers from depression. I’m sure I am not the only one.

    I totally relate to this piece on so many levels. Target=my personal Vietnam. I go in without really knowing why. Get stuck there in the trenches. Leave with way more collateral damage than I planned. And live in denial of my purchases.

    However, I go to the Walgreens a little farther from my place to get my prescriptions filled even though the service kinda sucks. Because it’s open 24 hours.

    I’m more of a 9-10 p.m. pick up girl myself. That’s how long it sometimes takes me to motivate myself to go there. Plus, it’s generally less crowded at night. And I almost always hit the drive through to really limit my interactions. Wellbutrin. Cymbalta. Lunesta. Klonopin, Depression. No, really. Depression. Insomnia. & anxiety about my insomnia.<3

    ETA: Wait. Ex-poet? How’d I miss that? When you did you stop writing poems?

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      "Hachi"Thotline Bling: black girl supremacy
      5/10/17 9:59am

      <3

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      Bassey IkpiThotline Bling: black girl supremacy
      5/10/17 12:11pm

      Thank you! I appreciate the support.

      And yeah, I haven’t written a (non-commissioned) poem in a few years. I gravitated to long form essays and just kinda stayed there. Plus there are so many amazing poets out that say it much better and there’s no need for me to take up space. Plus I started getting really anxious about performing and who needs that?

      Thanks again.

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    Bassey IkpiBassey Ikpi
    5/10/17 11:20am

    Hello everyone,
    Thank you so much for your comments and interest in my work. Just to be very clear, because this is important to me, I am NOT ashamed of needing medication or my disorder. I started #NoShameDay five years ago to help people release the shame and stigma that comes with mental health.

    My main point was that last week, after all the healthcare garbage and a difficult morning, it wasn’t something I wanted to deal with. I reject shaming on all fronts and though I don’t wear it on a t-shirt (actually, I do have a t-shirt) I am very vocal and self advocate often. I don’t shy away from the conversation. It was just ONE bad day and one day, I didn’t want to deal with someone else’s projection onto me. Especially when thinking about the fact that in a few months, I may not have any access to life-saving medication and therapy.

    We all have our days and moments when we just don’t want this thing and that was my moment.
    Thank you for all your suggestions and comments. I truly appreciate it.

    B.

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      STLOrcaBassey Ikpi
      5/10/17 11:34am

      Preach it. I am not only on that bench, I harvested the lumber to make it.

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    NobodysHomeAnymoreBassey Ikpi
    5/10/17 9:42am

    Man, I know this feeling, except it never happens at the pharmacy, only when I make a doctor’s appointment. I never see the same doctor — my family uses a hospital system that has centers all over the region, so I just go to whoever’s first available — and every time they ask, “Are you taking any medications?” I start to sweat a little. No one ever recognizes the medicines I take, so I have to spell them out and then describe exactly what they’re for. Every. Time. I can’t stop myself from hesitating a little right before I say, “antidepressant.”

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      Bassey IkpiNobodysHomeAnymore
      5/10/17 11:30am

      Whew. “Are you taking any medications?” always gets me. Especially when I’m at the dentist or some other place that doesn’t really need to know that much about my medical history. It always catches me at the oddest times, especially if, like I mentioned above, I’m not “presenting” well and feel sloppy and out of sorts.

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      NobodysHomeAnymoreBassey Ikpi
      5/10/17 11:39am

      Right! I just had my annual eye exam and they asked me that question...I feel uncomfortable enough telling a PCP what prescriptions I have, but an optometrist? I know side effects are always an issue, but unless I specifically mention a weird medical issue involving their area of expertise, I just feel like my privacy is being violated.

      At the same time, the only person whoever said anything offensive was a PCP...when I told her I had depression, she said, “But you’re so young and pretty...what do you have to be depressed about?” =/

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    TheCatBite3000Bassey Ikpi
    5/10/17 11:44am

    I agree with everyone else who’s voicing support for you. Our world would be better if EVERYONE had mental health access in addition to the physical. Also, I think that some of the secrecy surrounding mental health treatment is the fact that there are real world consequences for some people receiving treatment. For instance, I’ve had two different jobs (including my current one) where mental health treatment of any kind could get me fired at one, & ineligible for promotion at another. Yes, I know some naive person will say,”they can’t fire you for that”. Lol, it’s easy as hell to fire someone for anything but what you’re actually firing them for. At my current job, ineligibility to hold certain positions is framed as a safety issue- & they’re not entirely wrong. Also, to work where I do now, I was required to disclose medical records. There’s nothing in there so I did it, but if there was, I likely wouldn’t be employed there now. At a former job, mental health treatment was a theoretical reason you might be a liability on the witness stand (not bc of anything you’d say, but bc opposing counsel could use it to discredit your contributions to the case). Either way, this kind of thing discourages people from getting treatment they may need, bc they don’t want a record existing anywhere that can jeopardize their future if it’s exposed. This doesn’t help them or society at all.

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      Bassey IkpiTheCatBite3000
      5/10/17 12:01pm

      Absolutely.
      I’m lucky enough to be in a line of work that doesn’t put my employment at risk. It has cost me relationships and opportunities and other things but because I have a voice and a platform, I feel like I should be a loud advocate for those who can’t. Not everyone needs to take up that placard because of the real-life consequences you mentioned and honestly, how someone chooses to cope or live is personal.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

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    Multi-grain BeardBassey Ikpi
    5/10/17 10:46am

    I’m lucky, in that the VA sends me my meds by mail. Before that, it was the same thing you’re talking about. I know I’m supposed to get help and I like to think I’ve moved past being ashamed, but I know that, deep down, I’m not.

    Thanks for posting this. You’re not alone in this, there are millions of us.

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      Bassey IkpiMulti-grain Beard
      5/10/17 12:09pm

      It hits you at the oddest times.

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    JasmineGBassey Ikpi
    5/10/17 9:40am

    No need for shame. Good on you for treating your medical conditions.

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    Ugh.Bassey Ikpi
    5/12/17 11:51am

    Solidarity, sister.

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