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    Thotline Bling: black girl supremacyMichael Harriot
    2/07/17 9:21am

    I AM DYING!!!!!!!

    “I bring you greetings from Chicago’s thug community, especially from our executive board of directors, sometimes referred to as our “top gang thugs.” Because the rankings fluctuate so often, depending on the strength of our criminal schedules, our body-count totals and overall troublemaking statistics, I cannot present myself as Chicago’s top thug.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Why are you this way?!

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      Thotline Bling: black girl supremacyThotline Bling: black girl supremacy
      2/07/17 9:24am

      And then you dropped the hammer.

      “I wonder if the fictional thugs Scott spoke to during his fictional powwow were piloting any of the boats, airplanes or barges that smuggle drugs into the country. I’d like to know if he spoke to any of the top goons in the pharmaceutical industry who shoot down any regulation of addictive prescription substances. Did he talk to the gangstas in the gun-manufacturing industry? Could someone ask him if he reached out to the criminals to find out why 179 of Illinois 232 “failing” schools are in Chicago? I thought Republicans believed that education is the key.”

      Everything after this paragraph was pure gold. Thanks, Michael. You killed this piece.

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      Bronx Resident Benjamin WhiteThotline Bling: black girl supremacy
      2/07/17 10:29am

      This sounds even better if you imagine a banana’d face and a disguised voice

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    boredalwaysMichael Harriot
    2/07/17 9:27am

    Michael,

    Is there anything you or we can do to correct this oversight? The Root is part of Gizmodo Media so it should be properly represented and promoted to increase well deserved traffic:

    Illustration for article titled
    Illustration for article titled
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      Manitos, The Tiny Hands of Trumpboredalways
      2/07/17 11:00am

      Thank you! The Gawker Media mobile platform has always been lacking (Kinja can get fucked on mobile). But this seems less like an oversight and more of a straight up omission.

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      Nicole0614boredalways
      2/07/17 1:44pm

      I’d like to know this too.. interesting...

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    QueensLandingMichael Harriot
    2/07/17 10:43am

    Shit, even Chicago’s acting Top Thug is more eloquent than 45. #MakeAmericaThugsAgain

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      Rooo sez BISH PLZQueensLanding
      2/07/17 1:51pm

      You sound surprised.

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      AmfoQueensLanding
      2/07/17 3:32pm

      Being a Space Camp alumnus is surprising too. I guess Space Camp IS an outreach program?

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    World's Moistest Jheri CurlMichael Harriot
    2/07/17 8:30am

    “top gang thugs” 

    ^^^^

    Who talks like that?

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      Cardi B's Other ShoeWorld's Moistest Jheri Curl
      2/07/17 11:16am

      A fool who knows shit about gangs or thugs.

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    MonkeyBizMichael Harriot
    2/07/17 12:39pm

    New York City: surrounded by New York State and New Jersey

    DC: surrounded by Maryland and Virginia.

    Los Angeles: surrounded by California.

    Chicago: surrounded by Wisconsin, Iowa, Missouri, Kentucky, and Indiana.

    Gosh, it’s almost as if being the largest major city between the coasts and surrounded by a sea of red states with lax gun laws lends itself to having a problem with gun crime.

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      StoutFilesMonkeyBiz
      2/09/17 11:08pm

      You do realize that Chicago’s murder rate is not all that high compared to other cities? St. Louis, Detroit, Baltimore...much higher.

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      MonkeyBizStoutFiles
      2/10/17 10:42am

      Considering I live about a mile south of Wrigley Field, yes, I am well aware of that fact.

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    Lala11_7 (I will think twice, before NOT playing nice!)Michael Harriot
    2/08/17 8:44am

    Lifelong Chicagoan...not ONE lie was told here...you get off on I-290 (the Eisenhower Expressway, or what WE like to call it...the “Ike” or I like to call it...the lower bowels of driving Hades) on the Westside from Independence Blvd. to several stops going west...and just drive down the side streets...or head down Madison...or head on over to “K-Town” or over by Springfield (LAWD HAVE MERCY, OVER THERE!!!)....ESPECIALLY on Friday and Saturday nights...it is the Seventh Level of Hell...filled with cars of more White folks from the suburbs than you would find at a Grateful Dead concert...buying “H”...and the cops just roll on by...btw...WHY am I STILL in the grays?

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      SuperWittySmittyLala11_7 (I will think twice, before NOT playing nice!)
      2/10/17 4:35am

      You’re probably in the grays because of your inability to write a coherent paragraph. A series of phrases connected by ellipses is not a proper method of communicating in written English. I’d also suggest italics over all-caps: less aggressive and less annoying.

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      Lala11_7 (I will think twice, before NOT playing nice!)SuperWittySmitty
      2/10/17 3:43pm

      Welp....since this forum is a form of entertainment not an exercise in showcasing my ability to write proper standard English...kindly...fuck off! Was that coherent enough for you Boo?

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    Kyo Soma A.Michael Harriot
    2/07/17 11:59am

    I am printing this out and keeping this FOREVER! OMG! This is amazing!

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    Tall Glass Of CakeMichael Harriot
    2/07/17 8:29am

    I’m speechless.

    Reply