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    F.Yoo LeeHamilton Nolan
    7/10/13 2:28pm

    I will add:

    11. The young, not incapacitated, handicapped, etc guys who do not give up their seats to the elderly, obviously pregnant women, women with child, women visibly needing a seat. Best part is when you, as a woman, is on your feet with like 5 heavy bags, and the guy seated in front of you asks for your number.

    12. Licking wounds and/or scraping the pus off wounds with one's Metrocard and then licking that pus off.

    13. Women in high heels holding up the entire fucking line cause they can't walk properly and are slowing inching their way up the stairs, teetering this way and that.

    14. Parents who don't put a stop to their kids misbehaving and being rude to the other riders.

    15. Men who stalk you on the subway.

    16. Teenagers who openly laugh at visible nipples. It's summertime, you're a woman who's wearing an outfit that would look better with bra straps and you assume that plus, it's hot, so it's not like your weather detectors are going to go off, but now you're sitting in the subway with AC blasting freezing air, and oh, look. Now, the teenagers across the aisle are pointing and laughing. You don't need to point it out—we know they're out there right now.

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      PopperTuneF.Yoo Lee
      7/10/13 2:40pm

      Wait, whaaa? WTF is # 12??!

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      Peter_the_Gr8F.Yoo Lee
      7/10/13 2:41pm

      I have made this point so many times but it needs to be made again. During rush hour in Boston, the majority of seats are occupied by women and I have seen 87.2% of them pretend to be asleep when they see elderly people, crutches people, and, yes, pregnant women get on the train. Do men fail to be chivalrous too? Of course, but women are much worse.

      I have clear cut rules about who I give my seat up to and am embarrassed for humanity when an able bodied person fails to offer their seat. I’ve been known to aggressively suggest that people get up and give their seats to those that need it. My favorite moment came when I got up and asked an elderly woman if she wanted my seat. She couldn’t hear me (but everyone else could) so I moved a bit away from the seat to grab her attention. When we turned back to the seat there was a 4o-ish woman sitting there. I gave her a thorough admonishing after booting her ass out of that seat.

      There are rules, people, and I will enforce them if you won’t abide.

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    stacyinbeanHamilton Nolan
    7/10/13 1:54pm

    Worse than 9 are the people who eat food that is supposed to be cooked when it's uncooked. I still gag when I think about that woman eating a cold can of Spaghettios on the T one night and that was 10 years ago.

    Number 5 is a personal pet peeve, no, I will not risk losing all of my teeth/breaking my wrists, so you can make a speedy exit. You should have stood closer to the door if getting off first was your biggest priority.

    I fucking hate public transportation. Suburbia FTW.

    eta - The actual worst, though, are the nasty dudes who try and air hump or rub up on you. And the ones who jerk off.

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      mosestobymcgeethreestacyinbean
      7/10/13 1:59pm

      I am glad I have never witnessed the air hump, rub up on, or the jerk off. I did see a young twenty something girl on the F train last week though, who sat directly in front of me and leaned over to diddle with her phone as her cleavage hung low for everyone to see, while she was bra-less. I didn't stare though. I am a gentleman.

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      nuclear borestacyinbean
      7/10/13 2:03pm

      This didn't happen on a subway but I took the bus home for thanksgiving one year in undergrad, got the last seat on the bus and I was stuck beside a crazy man with about 10 bags of (unchecked) luggage, who looked at me through a pair of binoculars and ate a can of cold gravy. Halfway through the ride, one of his huge bags fell in my lap and I was too scared to move it lmao. People approached me after to say they felt sorry for me.

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    Tom ScoccaHamilton Nolan
    7/10/13 2:02pm

    "With the input of the entire Gawker staff" is better understood as "directly contrary to the input of the Gawker staff, where it contradicts Hamilton Nolan's insane prejudices." To wit:

    1. Obviously you should not block an open seat, but this is Hamilton's way of rationalizing the fact that he is ever lazy enough to plop his able-bodied—squat-strengthened, even—adult-male behind in a seat on the subway. Standing up and staying out of other people's way are two basic and complementary parts of subway behavior. Hamilton is unable even to manage the first, so he rages against a straw person who manages the first but not the second. Nice try, lazybones. I of the Tiger, ass of the ground sloth.

    9. Hamilton Nolan, champion of the working class, is disgusted when people eat hot food on the subway. Hint: when you see somebody having a meal out of a styrofoam clamshell on the 2 train, it's not because that person wasn't in the mood to take a table at Le Cirque that night. It's because that person probably doesn't have the time to eat anywhere else.

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      tyellandTom Scocca
      7/10/13 2:13pm

      the first one is not a straw person, at least not in toronto. it is god damn ridiculous how often people stand in front of seats, being knocked back and forth as people jostle for enough room to stand and breathe, and they refuse to sit in the seat out of some misguided nobility. no feeble old people are making it through the sea of bodies to sit there! but if they do, get up. it's easy. don't keep standing, making everything worse for everyone, just because you think you're a good person.

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      MizJenkinsTom Scocca
      7/10/13 2:15pm

      Re: No. 9: buy a fucking sandwich.

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    LisasaurHamilton Nolan
    7/10/13 1:56pm

    What about people who get to the bottom of escalators and stop because they are contemplating where to go? The ensuing pileup always gives me the ragies.

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      CommonVicesLisasaur
      7/10/13 2:02pm

      I don't think that people are generally obligated to walk down the escalators, but they should definitely abide by the commonly understood rule that, if you're standing, you should be on the right side of the escalator so that people who do want to walk down the escalator can pass you on the left.

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      NikkiLisasaur
      7/10/13 2:02pm

      Or the guy who stops in front of the turnstile looking for his pass when there's only two gates in operation. So irritating!

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    OmarGoneHamilton Nolan
    7/10/13 1:56pm

    Don't forget: guys who sit with their legs spread like they have a WWII cannon in their pants

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      CeraunographOmarGone
      7/10/13 2:00pm

      MANSITTING!

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      Bright HeathenOmarGone
      7/10/13 2:11pm

      I "accidently" dropped my heavy ass book bag on a guys junk who was sitting like this taking up the only other spare seat in the car. It fixed that with a quickness and I got to sit.

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    MizJenkinsHamilton Nolan
    7/10/13 2:25pm

    Also hate: White girls who swish their hair around on a crowded train.

    But Miz Jenkins, that's racist!

    Bullshit. If you can find me a non-White chick who does that then I'll gladly tell her to fuck off and stop flicking her ponytail into my mouth too, but after a decade in New York City it is pretty evident that whipping your hair back and forth like you're in a damn Pantene commercial when people are standing less than 2" away from you in any direction is primarily a White girl thing.

    I don't know why and I don't care but cut it out before I cut it off.

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      squarksMizJenkins
      7/10/13 2:31pm

      My hair is bunned if I'm taking public transportation. I've seen a creeper or two in my time who will carefully stroke a woman's hair when she is not aware of it. Major Ewwwww.

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      Selma ZeldaMizJenkins
      7/10/13 2:35pm

      Agreed. But on the flip side, I've dealt with plenty of women with super long weave who basically let their hair flow all over the (shared) pole, onto my hands.

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    Barry PetcheskyHamilton Nolan
    7/10/13 1:55pm

    The nail clippers.

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      PlantinMoretusBarry Petchesky
      7/10/13 1:59pm

      I've seen pimple-poppers and chin-hair-pluckers.

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      Cookie914Barry Petchesky
      7/10/13 2:02pm

      I saw a woman once clipping her toe nails on the subway. Just awful.

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    CommonVicesHamilton Nolan
    7/10/13 2:08pm

    People who lean on the subway pole when they're surrounded by other passengers that need to hold onto it are the worst. When I first came to NYC, I would just passive aggressively glare at the the offender and exchange "Can you believe this asshole?" glances with the other passengers. Now I grab the pole anyway, making sure to position my knuckles right up against their spine.

    "Still comfortable? Still all cozy up on that pole?"

    I'm probably going to get stabbed one day...

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      shelandoCommonVices
      7/10/13 2:16pm

      I politely say "Excuse me, I need to hold on to the pole too." It works pretty well

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      CommonVicesshelando
      7/10/13 2:17pm

      But then they don't get punished for their asshole behavior.

      PUNISHED, I SAY!

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    araucaniadHamilton Nolan
    7/10/13 4:42pm

    If you're trying to dash through the station to get to your train, cursing the tourists and idiots who are standing on the escalator, maybe you should have left your house five minutes earlier?

    Agreed about the people who try to board before all the exiting passengers are off. And the people who try to stake out their favorite spots in the middle of the doorway.

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      HeresMyTwoCentsaraucaniad
      7/10/13 7:59pm

      I see this response every single time a list like this comes up. Has it occurred to you that the rush to catch a train applies equally as well when trying to leave work for home and leaving five minutes early just isn't an option, and making the 5:10 train is preferable to waiting another 14 plus minutes for the next? Also while I'd love to think leaving five minutes earlier would help, most of the time it's a game of chance that my train might be on time. If the trains are running late and I stand a chance of catch the earlier train - albeit late - I'm going to do it. Now step aside so the rest of us can get on with our day.

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      araucaniadHeresMyTwoCents
      7/10/13 9:11pm

      Life is a game of chance. Surely it all comes out as a wash, all the instances over the course of a week or month when you get to the train station in time to catch an early train that's running late, or a later train that's running ahead. 15 minutes? Is it worth the stress? Is it worth feeding your stress, stoking your rage and hatred for other human beings? If it is... why should all the other human beings, whom you hate, care about you and your problems and your 15 minutes? It's called public transportation. If navigating around other people in train stations is so burdensome, move to L.A. and drive everywhere, or take a cab.

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    MountainSunsetHamilton Nolan
    7/10/13 2:37pm

    My biggest pet peeve is my generation (I'm 25 but I also mean those slightly older and younger) who don't offer their seats to an elderly/disabled/pregnant person.The other day on the train, at rush hour all these fucking little 20 something year old's are sitting there playing games or reading shit on their phones and tablets and there was an 80 year old woman with a cane standing right in front of them. Not one person offered her their seat. After two stops of watching all of them studiously ignore her, I leaned down and asked the girl who was sat in front of me to give her the seat. She told me she was too tired to stand. YOU ARE 22 AND TOO TIRED TO STAND? Fuck that shit.

    My other thing is people on the bus, who have to load money on their card or purchase a ticket, and they hop on first, meaning everyone has to wait behind them. Causing delays and generally pissing me off.

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      hippies use side doorMountainSunset
      7/10/13 2:52pm

      This pregnant woman thanks you. Worse are the Wall Street suit douches who will look RIGHT AT MY BELLY and then slowly shift their gaze. I hate those people. its been my personal experience that young black and latino guys, and other women, will fight each other to give me their seat, while young to middle-aged white guys have gone temporarily blind.

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      IlltakecareofitMountainSunset
      7/10/13 2:54pm

      I tend to agree with you, especially in the instance you describe. However, I'm 27, I work a job that requires me to stand for loooong periods of time in uncomfortable heels. Sometimes I am just too tired and sometimes you don't get to judge me for that.

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