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    F.Yoo LeeHamilton Nolan
    6/27/13 3:39pm

    There are no good racial slurs for white people.
    We Must Have A Better Slur For 'White People!' We Must Have A Better Slur For 'White People!' We Must Have A Better Slur For 'White People!'

    The fabricated non-scandal of Michelle Obama purportedly calling Caucasian Americans… Read more Read more

    "White trash" doesn't make it a little bit? "Honky?" "Redneck?" "Hick"? Granted, none of those come close to the other racial slurs* directed at nonwhites, and also, these slurs I named above pertain to a particular class of white folks and not whites en-mass (in contrast, again, the slurs nonwhites face), but they're not exactly compliments, either.

    *I would like to say, for the record, that I have been highly conscious of these racial slurs. Yes, there are some whites of lower socio-economic status who are ignorant of a lot of things and frustratingly vote against their own interests, but I'm not about to denigrate someone for being poor.

    #beingcleartokeepitreal

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      ad infinitumF.Yoo Lee
      6/27/13 3:40pm

      "White trash" is a ridiculously racist term, and not against white people. It's like "male slut." The connotation is that most trash consists of people of color.

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      Mok, the Magic ManF.Yoo Lee
      6/27/13 3:43pm

      I almost wish "Honky" would come back into fashion. I'm also a fan of "Jive-ass Turkey."

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    BlueBomberXHamilton Nolan
    6/27/13 3:39pm

    back on topic... I predict Zimmerman gets acquitted because there is a reasonable doubt. The facts we know reasonably allow for Martin to have struck first and bashed Zimmerman's head into the curb, which gave Zimmerman the right to "stand his ground" with the gun - thoughts?

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      Jay GeeBlueBomberX
      6/27/13 3:45pm

      Well first, I don't think it wouldn't be a "stand your ground" type thing. If he was attacked first and pinned down it would be regular self defense.

      Second, that's why the testimony of Rachel Jeantel is so important. She's the only person to be in a position to say who attacked first.

      But I'm not a lawyer, so if there's someone more knowledgeable feel free to correct me.

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      911DucktailBlueBomberX
      6/27/13 3:49pm

      the entire altercation wouldnt have happened if zimmerman had followed the direction of the 911 operator who said that they didnt need zimmerman to puruse trayvon. if youre 17 and youre being followed by any adult who isnt carrying a badge or is wearing security/police uniform I would wager Trayvon had every right to stand his ground

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    EasttoMidwestHamilton Nolan
    6/27/13 3:40pm

    Please tell me that this post was intended to lure the worst and most racist Gawkers commenters into one place so John Cook can drop the banhammer on them, and that this post shall henceforth be known as The Red Posting.

    Because that gets my full approval.

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      JezebelledEasttoMidwest
      6/27/13 3:55pm

      I will be constantly refreshing this article for the next 5 hours expressly for the shitshow!

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      Mercury: The Sweetest Of The Transition MetalsEasttoMidwest
      6/27/13 3:58pm

      Genius.

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    BigSteveHamilton Nolan
    6/27/13 3:47pm

    Hamno is the best white bro troller in the world. I bow to your genius. Just look at the angry crackers.

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      All Hail The Big CatBigSteve
      6/27/13 4:01pm

      With the possible exception of his "Garages Are Over" rant, I really think this might be his best work.

      http://gawker.com/fuck-you-garag…

      Fuck you, Garages are awesome. I speak for the whole of Jalopnik- the insult of telling us to… Read more Read more

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      jub-jubbouvierBigSteve
      6/27/13 4:12pm

      This one is rivalling the "your love of movies about lily-white tough guys learning hard truths about what it means to be a man via thug life of the mean streets of Boston is lame and indicative of your wholesale inability to engage in basic human empathy with people who aren't obviously like you" takedown as my favorite Hamilton Nolan bro-troll post.

      http://gawker.com/5981792/please…

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    speteHamilton Nolan
    6/27/13 4:58pm

    I love it when white people whine about being called crackers. It's a fantastically quick and efficient way to learn that A) they have never suffered an actual moment of real discrimination or hardship in their entire pampered lives, B) are really insecure about that fact, C) are probably kind of racist, and D) are definitely pretty dumb. Great shorthand for "do not even begin to bother getting to know this jackass, they are almost certainly awful."

    Christ, I cannot even begin to imagine caring if someone called me a cracker. Talk about being born on third base and whining that it's exactly the same as not even being allowed to play the game because your cleats have a little dirt on them.

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      Maxine Shaw, attorney at LOLspete
      6/27/13 6:46pm

      It's pretty much my measuring stick. I have a list of shit on my Dismiss This White Person for Your Own Good list, and "whining about the word cracker" is...like, in the top three. Weeds out a LOT, sadly.

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    MissNormaDesmondHamilton Nolan
    6/27/13 4:19pm

    Quite a ways back, a woman who was to become one of my dearest friends and I began working together at a publishing company that no longer really exists. We hit it off immediately, possibly because we were both semi-foreigners (she from Florida, I from Missouri) living in New England.

    I don't know recall the exact particulars of the conversation that established her nickname; I think I asked her which of the several popular versions of her first name she preferred, and she said something like, "Oh, call me anything you want to." "Okay, Cracker Bitch," I replied. I'm guessing we must have already had some exchange that made me think she'd find that funny, but still, it was a bit of a risk to say that to a white woman from FL, even from another white woman.

    She roared. It was love. We were close friends from then on. She still signs letters to me with "C.B."

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      MissNormaDesmondMissNormaDesmond
      6/27/13 4:52pm

      In case it's not clear, my point in posting this is, "No, it's not a horrible, painful racist slur, it's something only touchy Southern people give a shit about; people with a sense of humor laugh."

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      gometzMissNormaDesmond
      6/27/13 5:39pm

      I think that sums it up perfectly. Because there is ZERO painful history attached to it, it is not insulting to hear. However if someone says it in anger, it could be insulting (though personally I would laugh it off).

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    crispyduck14Hamilton Nolan
    6/27/13 3:48pm

    There are no good racial slurs for white people.

    This is absolutely true. There just isn't the history of abuse to give it (cracker) any weight. White people straight up abused black people, brown people, Italians, pretty much everybody who wasn't white throughout history. They always had all the power, so the abuse was damaging and lasting. That's why white people saying old-time racial slurs still sounds fucking terrible. And also why white people bitching about minorities calling them a racial slur is comedy.

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      LibbyBellscrispyduck14
      6/27/13 4:04pm

      Since when are Italians not "white"? In fact, wasn't there a whole hullaballoo because Italy finally appointed its first non-white person to a major national role?

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      Tyrant BigglesLibbyBells
      6/27/13 4:33pm

      When I worked in the mortgage industry I often came across antiquated restrictive property covenants prohibiting sales to Italians, Slavs, Poles...pretty much everyone not of Northern European extraction.

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    Sean BrodyHamilton Nolan
    6/27/13 3:45pm

    Is punning on 'nilla' okay?
    Like 'Nilla, please" or "My nilla!"?

    P.S. I got called 'vanilla' once. Fucking hurt my feelings.

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      cmjmSean Brody
      6/27/13 3:49pm

      I'll admit, I giggled.

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      Nilla WafflerSean Brody
      6/27/13 5:25pm

      I really hope it's ok. Although I was thinking more along the lines of cookies at the time.

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    Swedish Murder MachineHamilton Nolan
    6/27/13 3:42pm

    So, I've really tried to withhold judgement, but based on several of his recent articles I have to ask: is Hamilton Gawker's token office idiot?

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      Hamilton NolanSwedish Murder Machine
      6/27/13 4:45pm

      :)

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    Steve_Buscemi's_OrthodontistHamilton Nolan
    6/27/13 3:58pm

    Since George Zimmerman is Hispanic and therefor not a member of our pure illustrious white race (All Hail The Great Snowflake), I fail to see the problem.

    Are my fellow white Americans angry because George Zimmerman was misidentified as a member of our Great People?

    Or are they angry because Trayvon Martin hadn't passed Appropriate Racial Slur Classification 101?

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      Bright HeathenSteve_Buscemi's_Orthodontist
      6/27/13 5:08pm

      His daddy is a cracker. He's half white and evidently strongly identifies with that half.

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      Steve_Buscemi's_OrthodontistBright Heathen
      6/27/13 5:13pm

      Obviously I was joking.

      But you bring up an interesting point about him. Why the fuck would he strongly identify with one aspect of his race while ignoring, or pushing to the side, his other half?

      "Oh, my mom was a Latino. But I don't like to talk about it. My dad? He was the Great White Hope. I could talk about him all day."

      To me, that's problematic - at least if you're trying to make him sound sympathetic.



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