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    LynxLaura Beck
    6/20/13 11:45am

    Not gonna lie, a food basket is not an appropriate wedding gift.

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      Paige WorthyLynx
      6/20/13 11:51am

      It's a LOVELY gift idea.

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      mledwardLynx
      6/20/13 11:52am

      So you snicker to each other and get the fuck over it.

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    MisfitToyLaura Beck
    6/20/13 11:26am

    I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding... People give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate... And got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return Just a heads up for the future :)

    She lost me at the get go. So much wow. Wow.

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      LuckyMc44MisfitToy
      6/20/13 11:28am

      Right? My jaw hit the floor. What an appalling human being.

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      MisfitToyMisfitToy
      6/20/13 11:29am

      Weddings are to make money for your future

      IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!

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    Mrs. BeetonLaura Beck
    6/20/13 11:48am

    I've only ever seen envelopes of wedding money in The Godfather and Goodfellas, thus leading me to believe it's an old-fashioned Italian/Italian-American thing. I've been to Protestant weddings, Catholic weddings, "spiritual but not religious" weddings, atheist weddings, courthouse weddings, shotgun weddings, the-kid-is-the-flower-girl weddings, weddings for friends, weddings for family, weddings for acquaintances, weddings where I am the bridesmaid and weddings where I am the guest but I have never in all of my days been to a wedding where the bride & groom are straight-up given cash.

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      sportz.starMrs. Beeton
      6/20/13 11:54am

      So, when I was young I knew that sometimes, some people I knew gave cash at weddings — but they were family members from the NY/NJ area and both more distant and wealthier than the rest of my family. Then I moved to NYC where, without failure, everyone I know who grew up here (including my now in-laws) was horrified by the idea of giving a gift at a wedding. Gifts at showers, cash at weddings. It's - in my experience - both regional and cultural. And people just see it as "the way it is". I still give gifts. If you're registered, I will buy you what you want. If you don't want it, return it.

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      rollsniderollMrs. Beeton
      6/20/13 11:57am

      When I lived in South Florida, I was told that everyone gave money as gifts. I was shocked. Yeah, I got a few relatives slipping me some cash at showers and such, but it certainly wasn't the rule of thumb at the wedding. That's what I set up a registry for...

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    we just keep drivingLaura Beck
    6/20/13 11:52am

    On a related note, I am curious as to whether or not people feel it is rude to buy a gift not included on a registry. I usually don't because I find the items impersonal and can rarely find something nice in my price range, but a friend who got married mentioned some time later that she didn't like getting gifts off the registry and another married friend agreed. She looked at me and realized I had done this, and sort of back tracked that she met something different than my gift as mine was personal and she meant people who give small appliances and such that aren't included. This made sense but I also wondered if she was just covering because she didn't want me to feel bad...any thoughts?

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      RedBeansAndRiceDidMissHerwe just keep driving
      6/20/13 12:12pm

      Don't buy gifts off the registry. There's a reason people have them. If you don't want to get a registry item, give nothing or cash. Any gift can be made "personal" by including a really nice handwritten note, or something additional and inexpensive like a Christmas ornament or a picture frame.

      Honestly, I received several off-registry items that I didn't need, would never use, and ended up donating to Goodwill or selling at yard sales. If you don't like the idea of your gift ending up in the trash heap, then give cash. Seriously.

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      bokjoyRedBeansAndRiceDidMissHer
      6/20/13 12:20pm

      But what if you can't afford to give more than maybe $30? It seems to weird and awkward to give someone a $30 check. I'd rather spend $30 on an actual item (usually edible, since then it won't get thrown out—though apparently I now know this is offensive haha).

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    Ten Earth ImpsLaura Beck
    6/20/13 11:29am

    The newlyweds were both wrong in their beliefs about what gifts should be, and super-duper rude in discussing their beliefs. Gift bag dude was right, but also kinda rude too, from his first response on.

    Not that his rude responses in any way invalidate his correctness. And I shouldn't be the tone police, because that's not right, either. But I do wonder if he couldn't have gotten his point across and persuaded them as to their wrongness without the ad hominems.

    Oh, wait. I missed this line from gift bag dude: " I don't care what you or anybody thinks, you should just be happy your sham of a marriage is legal dude!"

    YIKES. Screw him, too. That makes him as bad as they were.

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      yvanehtniojTen Earth Imps
      6/20/13 11:33am

      I don't know, his very first response I thought was remarkably nice considering they asked him for a receipt — just sidestepped the weirdness, apologized for giving a gluten-y gift, and thanked them for the invite. Eventually he gets really rude too, but for my money he comes out looking amazing next to their gall.

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      CrunchyConyvanehtnioj
      6/20/13 11:35am

      Yeah. And I don't know many people who could keep taking the high road after that, although the proper thing no doubt would have been to drop it after the very classy "thank you for including me."

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    RuthSlayderGinsburgLaura Beck
    6/20/13 11:33am

    If the newlywed's story is true, they should consider themselves lucky. My husband's grandfather and family patriarch (you know, the guy who would traditionally be expected to help pay for the honeymoon, booze at the reception, and myriad other things) insisted that he be allowed to bring his new girlfriend and girlfriend's daughter to our wedding, or he'd refuse to come at all. So, two guests, both strangers, neither of which he was married to, at a $100-a-plate wedding with very few other guests. He gave us a Cutco cheese knife as a wedding present, which was his single and only contribution to the wedding whatsoever.

    We later found out that, after getting roaringly drunk at the open bar, he'd gone around at the reception bragging about how much $ he'd given us, and basically took credit for funding the entire wedding AND honeymoon to many of our relatives.

    Did we ever say word one to him about it? No. B/c that would be the epitome of tacky. Do we now feel obligated to spend a lot of time and money being especially nice and considerate of him as a married couple? Not really. But to actually say something to someone about covering their plate gives me the cold ghost of Ms. Manners up my spine.

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      Yog-Sothoth is the GateRuthSlayderGinsburg
      6/20/13 11:42am

      We had several of our friends carry off entire cases of beer at the end of the reception - like a few hundred dollars worth of alcohol. It was a pretty small wedding and though we did have help from our parents to pay for it, we bought the booze ourselves. Was it pretty irritating and obnoxious? Yeah. Did I ever say anything to them about it? Hells no.

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      Archibald_CunninghamYog-Sothoth is the Gate
      6/20/13 11:46am

      I think carrying off cases of beer is worth an inquiry. In my catering experience (I've done at least 200 weddings), it could be someone told them they could. As a bartender, we'd get questions like that, but I always directed them to the hosts.

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    resplendent.bitchLaura Beck
    6/20/13 11:30am

    We'll know that we've reached true equality when gays and lesbians feel free to approach their wedding with the same vulgar sense of entitlement and ingratitude that straight people have.

    These ladies are pioneers of equality, and I salute them. (Also, they are assholes.)

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      rokokobangresplendent.bitch
      6/20/13 12:31pm

      As in this story, many of us in marriage equality states are already facing this fun. I'm attending a gay wedding soon where the couple registered for nothing less than $75. Entitlement knows no gender preference! God bless america.

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      resplendent.bitchrokokobang
      6/20/13 12:39pm

      I'm always _so_ tempted (but have never yet been ballsy enough) to gift the newlyweds with something hideous and unreturnable. Estate sale velvet paintings of clowns come to mind.

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    StarHopper27Laura Beck
    6/20/13 11:47am

    So obviously those gals are utter twats. But I want to use the cloak of Internet anonymity to dish: what was the worst wedding gift you've ever received, and how did you spin the thank you note?

    I'm sad to say all my guests were very thoughtful/practical. The only annoyance was a set of breast-cancer-pink mixing bowls that we didn't want or need, and that didn't have a gift receipt. I issued a prompt thank you note and donated them to Goodwill, because I couldn't re-gift in good conscience.

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      KallieStarHopper27
      6/20/13 11:59am

      When my sister got married, she got four frighteningly realistic crucifixes. Two were scaled more for a cathedral than her tiny house even if she did want to display them. She is nominally Catholic and got married in the church but is not very actively religious. Those guests go lovely notes about sharing faith, and I think the crucifixes are packed in her attic.

      She has gotten more crucifixes as christening gifts for her children, some from the same relatives. We're not sure what those relatives think the crucifix content of your average house should be, but it is, apparently, quite high.

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      MagicEyesStarHopper27
      6/20/13 12:10pm

      I got several sets of painted plaster plaques (for the kitchen, I guess). I think one of them involved orange mushrooms. I kind of wish I still had them. Also, one of my friends got a clock shaped like a toilet seat.

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    ghanediLaura Beck
    6/20/13 11:31am

    Um, I would've been delighted to get such a cute and well thought out gift at our wedding. Can they forward the basket to me? I'll take it! And yeah, I guess on some level wedding gifts are meant to help the couple collect items that help them set up house (which is why you build a registry) but who the hell actually hunts down guests to berate them for their gift? They gave what they thought would be fun, enjoy it or gift it on to someone who will.

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      CrunchyConghanedi
      6/20/13 11:36am

      Also, were they not registered? Because that's a great way to give people an option for a gift other than cash that they know you will absolutely like and use. And if you have any class (so never mind, they would have skipped that option) you add things at all price points, right? So if you can only spend $30 you can still get something that the couple actually wants.

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      MagnificentDerpghanedi
      6/20/13 11:40am

      In this day and age, most people have cohabitated for a few years prior to getting married so any gifts to "set up their house" are basically just upgrades and ancillary at that point. For people like this, it's a cash grab, plain and simple.

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    CrunchyConLaura Beck
    6/20/13 11:26am

    He doesn't sound great, but they sound like they should DIAF. The wedding basket may not have cost what they wanted it to, but it probably took more thought than others.

    Also, people who think the point of getting married is to raise money should say so in their invitations so sane people may avoid not only their wedding/fundraiser but them, for eternity.

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      BeyonceIsTheLastUnicornCrunchyCon
      6/20/13 12:17pm

      BeyonceIsTheLastUnicorn
      ~ and ~
      CrunchyCon
      cordially invite you to join them in their
      Money Spinner
      ~ to be held on ~
      Tuesday
      because it is cheapest
      ~ at the ~
      Best Western off the Airport Ramp

      Please enclose a $50 bill, no checks, with your R.S.V.P. no later than
      the Monday before the Money Spinner.

      P.S. We will be paying about $500,000 a plate
      so gift accordingly.



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      wordoftheday_BeyonceIsTheLastUnicorn
      6/20/13 1:55pm

      It's no wonder the rest of the gay population is so eager to get the right to marry. It's all about making money, right?

      UGH. I feel genuinely sorry for the people who still can't get married, while this stuck-up pair could. Maybe it shouldn't be about whether people are gay or straight, but whether they're going to be complete assholes about their wedding.

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