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    Sparkle_MotionKen Layne
    5/24/13 3:34pm

    What about Grenada?!?!

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      cheerful_exgirlfriendSparkle_Motion
      5/24/13 3:42pm

      Exactly what I came to ask.

      People took a weekend off to fight that one!!

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      Sparkle_Motioncheerful_exgirlfriend
      5/24/13 3:56pm

      And we won!!!

      (We're winners, you know.)

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    bluetom00Ken Layne
    5/24/13 4:50pm

    I have a Ph.D. in American history and teach classes on war and diplomacy and I've never heard of half these fuckers. Goddamn we like to kill things.

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      Tyrant Bigglesbluetom00
      5/24/13 6:12pm

      If you spent more time teaching and less time indoctrinating children in communism, irresponsible homosexual sex, fluoride and the metric system you might be better informed.*

      *Greg Gutfeld told me this is what you do.

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      bluetom00Tyrant Biggles
      5/24/13 7:30pm

      In fact, it is ALL I do.

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    araucaniadKen Layne
    5/24/13 4:29pm

    this could have been a worthy exercise. but how are you ranking these wars? in terms of worth-fighting-for-ness? in terms of fucked-up-ness? presence in the public consciousness?

    no offense, but this might have been handled better by Hamilton Nolan. would be nice to see a Smedley Butler quote. (well, really, "the" Smedley Butler quote)

    The Philippine Insurrection was horrendous. there are pictures out there of US Marines standing on top of piles of hoarded skulls. they used the war as a sort of laboratory to calculate the minimum "stopping power" required of a bullet.

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      littlehumanprismaraucaniad
      5/24/13 5:12pm

      I'm pretty sure it's just satire of power ranking everything

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      araucaniadlittlehumanprism
      5/24/13 5:14pm

      that would have made sense - but Ken Layne recently wrote a very good and rather serious article here about the true meaning of Memorial Day, so I don't think so.

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    NiceAndSunnyKen Layne
    5/24/13 3:52pm

    Can someone explain the ranking system here? I'm not sure I get it.

    Thanks!

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      Johnny ChundersNiceAndSunny
      5/24/13 3:58pm

      The wars are listed in order of their warness.

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      Malacoda, Recumbent on the Burning Sand.Johnny Chunders
      5/24/13 4:01pm

      Thanks! I too was a bit confused.

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    BigSteveKen Layne
    5/24/13 3:34pm

    You flip the Winnebago War with the Battle of Kororareka and I am right there with you.

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      benedict_ahnoldBigSteve
      5/24/13 6:24pm

      Never forget the brave souls who fought in the ongoing conflict, Storage Wars. All bid some, some bid all

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      BigStevebenedict_ahnold
      5/24/13 6:59pm

      [tear]

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    BungaBungaKen Layne
    5/24/13 3:49pm

    But what about if you rank them by soundtracks?

    War of 1812 would have to be first - I love Tchaikovsky.

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      김치전!Ken Layne
      5/24/13 4:19pm

      WHAT THE FUCK. Everybody knows the Mexican Revolution comes before the Occupation of Haiti. EVERYBODY EXCEPT KEN LAYNE, APPARENTLY. Jesus fucking Christ, I quit Gawker for real this time. NOW I HAVE TO READ TMZ, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

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        Johnny ChundersKen Layne
        5/24/13 3:57pm

        What about the Cola Wars? I know there was technically an armistice declared after Pepsi was caught deploying Crystal Pepsi, but there is still a bloody stalemate on the RC/Tab front.

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          IrishishKen Layne
          5/24/13 4:17pm

          Christ, the Gawker Editorial Staff hit the bottle pretty early today, huh?

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            AlbatrocityIrishish
            5/24/13 10:38pm

            Ken Layne's icon looks like me at 3 AM on a Sunday.

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          GusFrerotteKen Layne
          5/25/13 12:01am

          Pictured: What the actual Second Amendment was created to ensure the right to own.

          This gun fired one shot every three minutes with little to no accuracy.

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            SoonerSourceGusFrerotte
            5/25/13 8:11pm

            If you believe that, then you've completely missed the point of the Second Amendment...

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            GusFrerotteSoonerSource
            5/25/13 8:21pm

            Yes, and I'm certain you know the intent of the Founders to 100% accuracy. We have neither a militia nor one that is well-regulated, and I'm damn certain that no one in 1776 could have predicted the creation of a gun like the AR-15.

            The Constitution was meant to evolve to circumstances (hence the amendment process) and the Second Amendment is either obsolete or needs to be itself amended to handle both the present proliferation of assault weapons and the future possibility of privately-manufactured guns (of the 3D printed variety).

            Personally, I would be for a legal gun registry to easily track down weapons whose owners run afoul of the law, but that's not realistic in this insane political environment where some people fear totalitarian dictatorship from the loss of assault rifles and people continue to die every day while not even half-measures (closing the gun show loophole, e.g.) can be enacted.

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