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    SuperHybridSystemHamilton Nolan
    5/16/13 12:58pm

    In DC everyone who wants to stand goes to the right and everyone who wants to walk goes to the left. It generally works very well until some fat tourist gets in the way. But you can snarl at them or nudge them with your bag and passively aggressively try to squeeze past. The worst offenders are old men who think that you might be some kind of urban minority mugging him.

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      ARP2SuperHybridSystem
      5/16/13 1:04pm

      Surprisingly, DC isn't dysfunctional in this area- people do generally keep to the right if they want to stand. People aren't afraid to ask people to move to the right if they're just standing.

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      NativeNYCerSuperHybridSystem
      5/16/13 1:09pm

      Actually, that's how it works in NYC too. People who want to stand and ride because they're not late for a hot date in Billyburg stand to the right, everyone who's in a hurry walks down to the left of them. Been riding the subway by myself since I was 13-14 years old. If there's space for you to walk down on the left, take a chill pill.

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    heaveymellowHamilton Nolan
    5/16/13 1:38pm

    "We don't live in an imaginary Candyland which revolves solely around your personal needs"

    So you are saying that even those unable to walk down the escalator should do so? I remember a few years ago I had injured my knee in a strange way, I could walk fine, could climb stairs fine, but walking down stairs was the most painful of experiences.

    My grandmother cannot walk up or down stairs.

    Sorry for your impatience, but if I want a casual ride on the stair machine up or down, I'll take it, if I want to walk up or down I'll do that to. Standing on the right walking on the left.

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      Hamilton Nolanheaveymellow
      5/16/13 3:24pm

      YES. "Those unable to walk down the escalator should do so" = my point.

      Not too many people around here "get it," so I thank you.

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      the_archdukeHamilton Nolan
      5/17/13 1:26am

      Our Candyland doesn't revolve around your needs either. Don't get me wrong, I love walking down the escalators, and hate those pesky escalefters who block the fast lane, but I've never really had any problems going around a stationary person on the right. Sometimes you just don't feel like walking, especially if it's one of those really long escalators (like the ones at 51st and Lex). Suck it up, I have just as much a right to stand on the right side of the escalator as you do to walk down it.

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    lobstrHamilton Nolan
    5/16/13 2:01pm

    I love all the librarians chiming in with the "You should've planned for your trip and arrived earlier", who have clearly never visited NYC.

    "Honey, I might have trouble getting these cufflinks on properly, do you think we'll miss the 6:05 train to Jackson Heights?"

    "Don't worry, darling, take your time, we'll just catch the 6:22!"

    Trains come when they wanna fucking come, and when you hear the screeching squeal of the brakes while still two levels above, you double up your speed and run, ya buncha Iowa office clerks!

    — love, Lobstr

    Fort Worth, Texas ;[]

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      phunkydroidlobstr
      5/16/13 3:34pm

      The fact that the trains don't arrive on an exact schedule is exactly why you should plan on getting to the station earlier. If you miss the one that you hear arriving when you're still two levels above, you have time to wait for the next one. If getting to your destination requires you to catch a train that leaves the station within a minute or two of you arriving at the station, then you're likely going to be disappointed.

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      Boo_Boo_Kittylobstr
      5/16/13 3:44pm

      These may also be the same people who walk super slow across the street while a car is waiting for them. WALK BRISKLY WHEN SOMEONE IS WAITING, people!

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    AriaheadHamilton Nolan
    5/16/13 1:09pm

    I live in DC and unfortunately end up having to go to the stations with the looooongest escalators. Those things reach up to the heavens. I am horrified of heights and I cannot move, literally cannot move on the longer escalators. If I am going up, I clutch the arm rail and cannot look back or I will have a panic attack and When I am going down I have to close my eyes until I am half way down. There is no running for me. I stand to the right of the escalator along with all of the other straglers and it has never been a problem for the walkers. It isn't safe to walk down those things when there are lots of people on them anyway. Let's not pretend that people move in an orderly fashion on escalators.

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      phantastic8Ariahead
      5/16/13 1:31pm

      But if you are in DC you stand to the right and that's what you do. I don't care if people don't walk as long as they stand to the freakin' right.

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      Ariaheadphantastic8
      5/16/13 1:41pm

      You are right. It is usually tourists who stand right in the middle and just won't move.

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    JaguarSharkHamilton Nolan
    5/16/13 1:06pm

    I admit that I am often one of the people standing, especially on those extremely tall escalators that go down several stories. But I'm doing it because I am TERRIFIED of heights. You wouldn't think you'd have to worry about that when taking underground transportation... but when I look down those things my knees feel wobbly and all I can do us grip the rail and stand there, for fear I'll go down head first if I take a step.

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      SadieDJaguarShark
      5/16/13 1:22pm

      I am right there with you, MeowsTheWord! Due to a childhood trauma and panic disorder, I am freaking terrified of escalators, especially the huge ones in train stations, airports, etc. When I'm on one, I stand to one side (if it's wide enough), grip the handrail as hard as I can, and hope it's over soon.

      I always love reading pieces in which the author, in the process of demanding that everyone does what s(he) wants, blasts others for acting like the world revolves around them...

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      stacyinbeanJaguarShark
      5/16/13 1:24pm

      Same thing here. I'm not even terrified of heights, but of falling down stairs and busting up my teeth (I have frequent teeth breaking/teeth falling out nightmares.) I always stand to the right!

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    consciousnessHamilton Nolan
    5/16/13 12:59pm

    I don't know what kind of bullshit system you guys have, but here in Toronto every transit escalator, and every escalator period for that matter has a bigass sticker that says 'WALK LEFT, STAND RIGHT' and it works out pretty damn well... except for assholes who stand on the left side.

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      CindyLou_Cthulhuconsciousness
      5/16/13 1:20pm

      We have those in the Bay Area, but they are widely ignored. My bigger gripe is that people like to bring their bikes on the escalator, especially in East Bay stations, and just wave those wheels in everyone's face. Stairs abound. There's no comfortable or safe way to carry a bike on an escalator. I feel like Indiana Jones, dodging those things.

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      secretagentmanconsciousness
      5/16/13 2:20pm

      As a Torontonian that takes the subway every day, I can tell you this works maybe 50% of the time. Makes me crazy!

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    BronsonPinchotHamilton Nolan
    5/16/13 1:13pm

    It's called an "escalator" for a reason. It's purpose is to escalate your arrival to the top or bottom of what would otherwise be a conventional staircase.
    Standing on the escalator is wrong in the same way standing on the moving walkway in the airport is wrong. Both are designed to expedite your voyage from point A to point B. Move your ass.

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      BronsonPinchotBronsonPinchot
      5/16/13 3:43pm

      tsk. *Its.

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      1PompadourBronsonPinchot
      6/13/16 1:06pm

      An escalator only means a lifter. It doesn’t imply whether you move on it or not. The interpretation is your own; the word is neutral.

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    queenbeezHamilton Nolan
    5/16/13 12:57pm

    I run down screaming GET OUT OF MY WAAAAAY, because I'm a REAL new yorker, not one of those fake posers.

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      HieronymusHiroshigequeenbeez
      5/16/13 12:59pm

      You should dance up or down the steps like Fred Astair. That would be AMAZING.

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      HieronymusHiroshigeHieronymusHiroshige
      5/16/13 1:00pm

      Astaire. Goddamn you, me, goddamn you.

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    gramercypoliceHamilton Nolan
    5/16/13 1:02pm

    But it's okay to stand stock still at the top of the 'Down' escalator and chat on your cellphone, right? I mean, that's not bad, is it? Phew, good. Because people really don't mind missing a train just because some fat-ass wants to have a conversation about whether or not there is more than one Stumptown coffee in Manhattan while half-blocking the first step on the escalator.

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      Graby SauceHamilton Nolan
      5/16/13 1:05pm

      You're too tired to walk? Counterpoint: no you're not. How did you get in this subway station to begin with? Were you hauled here in a wheelbarrow? How do you move about the city? Are you carried by the scruff of your neck in your mother's mouth like a wayward puppy? I suspect that, no, you walk. You walked here.

      Oh HamNo, you make me so happy with your words.

      I've gotten so I just yell at people, "PLEASE STAND TO THE SIDE!!! PLEASE STAND TO THE SIDE!!!" No one listens of course, because they are so oblivious to everything— the people dancing around behind them, the guys who manage to squeeze by rudely, the people in front of them who either walked down or stood to the side to allow others to walk around them— they notice none of that. They live in a world of their own in which there are no social niceties by which they have to live. These people suck.

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        FerminaDazaGraby Sauce
        5/16/13 1:10pm

        Yea, I found a good yelling of "STAND TO THE RIGHT, WALK TO THE LEFT" while gently shouldering my way through works. I've got places to be, people, we aren't all on vacation.

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        foursilverhearts84Graby Sauce
        5/16/13 3:03pm

        This is what always kind of mystified me about the moving sidewalks in airports. They're what, less than 100 feet long. You have to walk before you get to them and you have to walk after you step off them. What is the point of standing still for two and a half seconds?

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