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    Gamblor JDHamilton Nolan
    8/10/16 1:36pm

    I like to wander around the dining room, looking at what other people are eating to help me figure out what to order. It mortifies my wife, but I’m never disappointed when my food comes. Winner: me.

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      strongbjornGamblor JD
      8/10/16 1:37pm

      i look forward to getting old

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      Elderberry HamsterGamblor JD
      8/10/16 1:37pm

      You’re why Jesus invented the Taser.

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    reggieinatlHamilton Nolan
    8/10/16 1:39pm

    So you’re saying that this isn’t appetizing?

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      99Telep☺dpr☹blemsreggieinatl
      8/10/16 1:41pm

      I believe I’ve read of this creature in an H.P. Lovecraft short story.

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      Armageddon T. Thunderbirdreggieinatl
      8/10/16 1:43pm

      I love bacon, but...

      Wow.

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    Sir VivorHamilton Nolan
    8/10/16 2:05pm

    You guys don’t have many foreign tourists, now do you?

    Take your pale ass to China, hell, anyplace in Europe for that matter, and you start to wonder if this really was the first and only stupid little article you’ve posted.

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      FowlTemptress (aka hercules q. einstein)Sir Vivor
      8/10/16 2:12pm

      This is oddly hostile.

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      BurntttSir Vivor
      8/10/16 2:16pm

      Places abroad that rely heavily on menus what gots pitchers on’em are places that rely heavily on emptying the fanny packs of moneyed tourists.

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    Low Information BoaterHamilton Nolan
    8/10/16 1:41pm

    Nonsense. I propose that more service providers illustrate their offerings. CPA, pictures of 1040's with various schedules and worksheets. Chiropractor, a person taking money out of a dazed patient's wallet. Barber, a man cruelly enforcing society's standards of acceptable appearance. It's an important step to our ultimate goal of a post-literate world.

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      Enorme Galo, the Muscle Hamster!Low Information Boater
      8/10/16 1:44pm

      Barbers need to go back to the basics. Draining people of their blood to remove bad humors.

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      Armageddon T. ThunderbirdLow Information Boater
      8/10/16 1:45pm

      TL;DR no pictures.

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    hntergrenHamilton Nolan
    8/10/16 2:00pm

    You’re wrong, at least when it comes to Chinese takeout. Those pictures from the 80's that are used in every single restaurant in Brooklyn are an institution and part of my Chinese takeout expereince. Don’t fuck with my Broooklyn Chinese takeout, please.

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      Someone Cleverhntergren
      8/10/16 2:11pm

      Don’t forget the large lit up image of steep mountains and rice patty fields, so we are magically transported to rural China with every bite of our General Tso’s.

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      hntergrenSomeone Clever
      8/10/16 2:28pm

      This poster knows what’s up.

      If there are no kids watching cartoons, “homemade” iced tea and lemonade in takeout soup containers in the fridge (no, I never want them, but I need to they are there), and no pictures from the 80's of chicken and broccoli on blue and white pocelain plates, I don’t want to go to your Chinese takout* restaurant.

      *none of this applies to regular Chinese restaurants, only takeout restaurants, meaning that you have 4 chairs or less in your restaurant, and you only recently removed your bullet-proof glass beacuse you don’t want to make the gentrifiers nervous.

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    99Telep☺dpr☹blemsHamilton Nolan
    8/10/16 1:37pm
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      Quint99Telep☺dpr☹blems
      8/10/16 1:38pm

      Is that his noodly greatness? Ramen.

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      99Telep☺dpr☹blemsQuint
      8/10/16 1:39pm
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    Jon AdkinsHamilton Nolan
    8/10/16 1:42pm

    What’s that? Free advice? Oh, no, no. Don’t pick it up. No.. someone must’ve left it there for a reason..

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      Armageddon T. ThunderbirdJon Adkins
      8/10/16 1:44pm

      I can smell the cat piss from here.

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      det-devil-ailsJon Adkins
      8/10/16 2:09pm

      “FREE COUCH, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!” [slams on truck brakes]

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    keefkaHamilton Nolan
    8/10/16 1:42pm

    I think instead of pictures of food, it should be depictions of how happy you would be eating it.

    Milkshake: child playing with a puppy

    Waffles: that scratcher ticket you’ve been warned against buying just netted you twenty bucks!

    Moons over my hammy: empty bottle of Jack Daniels

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      Armageddon T. Thunderbirdkeefka
      8/10/16 1:54pm

      Cream of mushroom soup: cumming in your own eye.

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      steinokeefka
      8/10/16 2:06pm

      What about how happy you’d be after eating it? Taco Bell would just have pictures of varying colors and quantities of poop emoji on all their items.

      Full disclosure: I just ate at Taco Bell for lunch.

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    Quasar FunkHamilton Nolan
    8/10/16 1:38pm

    You say you don’t want old pictures, Hamilton, but this is me if you ever leave Gawker dot com:

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      PoodletimeQuasar Funk
      8/10/16 2:25pm

      Seconded! and thirded, and fourthed, and so on....

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    Frankenbike666Hamilton Nolan
    8/10/16 2:33pm

    An acquaintance of mine is a food photographer. She doesn’t take pictures of food as it is served. The food she takes pictures of are full of pins, shims and other tricks that make it look appetizing. She has spray bottles full of various liquids to make foods look like they came fresh off the grill or oven or whatever. She is also highly paid for her menu photography, and works on a lot of commercials.

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      ZabellaFrankenbike666
      8/10/16 2:40pm

      Many decades ago I watched a show on HBO (maybe Consumer Reports?) that went behind-the-scenes of food photography. Need a picture of a bowl of cornflakes? They will go through several boxes of cornflakes, picking out the biggest, unbroken flakes. The milk that gets poured into the bowl is mostly glue - real milk isn’t white enough on camera.
      Then for dinner sit down to a nice roasted turkey, covered in shoe polish to get the perfect brown skin. Advertising rules say if you’re selling a turkey, you must use a real turkey in your commercial - it does not have to be edible.

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      rudi_freudeZabella
      8/10/16 4:37pm

      I work in advertising.

      Before the onset of CG, the milk and chocolate liquids you saw dramatically splashing and swirling delectably onscreen were usually paint.

      Ice cream for food styling shoots was created from a mashed potato mixture and some binders ( because real ice cream would melt instantly under the hot lights ).

      And yeah, the delicious turkey you see in the Thanksgiving ads are usually coated in some kind of spray, like shellac.

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