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    QuintHamilton Nolan
    8/08/16 12:43pm

    I’m of the opinion that if you have judges giving you a score it ain’t a sport it's a performance. Sports are simple affairs of who lifted the heavier thing, ran the fastest, jumped higher etc, etc.

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      los yipesQuint
      8/08/16 12:46pm

      Gymnasts are real athletes — and gymnastics are the only exception to this rule. (You could probably convince me that ice skating is cold gymnastics with sharp shoes tho.)

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      Sparky PolastryQuint
      8/08/16 12:47pm

      So diving, gymnastics, figure skating, etc. aren’t real sports?

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    Low Information BoaterHamilton Nolan
    8/08/16 12:45pm

    Also: speedwalking, golf, anything involving a canoe, anything historically dominated by Canada.

    Internet commenting, however, should be added to the 2020 games.

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      DroopDrawersAbbeyLow Information Boater
      8/08/16 12:49pm

      Like hockey? Sucking at hockey must be the worst. It’d keep me up at night in my igloo.

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      Low Information BoaterDroopDrawersAbbey
      8/08/16 12:51pm

      They stole hockey from the Aztecs.

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    kbasaHamilton Nolan
    8/08/16 12:55pm

    If you’ve ever spent any time on a horse and had the simple act of riding it absolutely light your thighs on fire, you’d think differently. It requires conditioning on the part of the human, as well.

    And is this the part where I get to roll out Papa Hemingway’s observation that the only sports are mountain climbing, bullfighting and auto racing and that the rest are just games?

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      Nom de pixelkbasa
      8/08/16 1:08pm

      Auto racing is not a sport. It is turning left fast.

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      okiedokieokiekbasa
      8/08/16 1:09pm

      He’s just trolling. The Diminutive Yogurt Critic has spoken.

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    The Noble RenardHamilton Nolan
    8/08/16 12:42pm

    Yesterday I watched two minutes of Eventing Dressage to say I’d watched it, and so that I could make a Rafalca joke.

    It was awful. Just some horses very slowly prancing across a sandy field in front of empty stadium.

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      dothedewThe Noble Renard
      8/08/16 12:44pm

      Is Rafalca competing in these Games?

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      The Noble Renarddothedew
      8/08/16 12:45pm

      Sadly not. Poor Rafalca; my favorite part of the 2012 election.

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    sour duckHamilton Nolan
    8/08/16 12:46pm

    They should just get rid of the human and judge the horse on how it does random things in an arena. I would watch that.

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      Armageddon T. Thunderbirdsour duck
      8/08/16 12:49pm

      Lots of scanning the audience for carrots. Also, pissing.

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      TopherArmageddon T. Thunderbird
      8/08/16 12:51pm

      Lots of scanning the audience for carrots. Also, pissing.

      |10.0| |10.0| |9.5| |10.0| |9.0|

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    dothedewHamilton Nolan
    8/08/16 12:45pm

    In 2016 if you are wearing a top hat while competing at the highest levels of an activity, you are probably not involved in a sport.

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      Group B-raaaaaaaaaap!dothedew
      8/08/16 1:14pm

      The 2001-2006 logo of the Cleveland Barons would beg to differ. Though not technically the top level of the sport, they are a feeder team to the San Jose Sharks, which I suppose is still not the top level of the sport... Go Penguins.

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      dothedewGroup B-raaaaaaaaaap!
      8/08/16 1:16pm

      I don’t even think it’s legal to wear a monocle while playing stick soccer. Certainly not advisable

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    Stef SchraderHamilton Nolan
    8/08/16 1:17pm

    I have mad respect for anyone who’s willing to put up with a horse. Hello saddle sores! We went to cars for a reason.

    It’s a sport. One of those weird sort of iffy sports that are highly equipment/animal dependent, but still: a sport.

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      HappyFunDadHamilton Nolan
      8/08/16 1:57pm

      Michael Vick is cruel to a bunch of dogs, his life gets destroyed. A bunch of rich white assholes are cruel to horses, they are celebrated.

      Fuck if I can figure out America...

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        MalloryHappyFunDad
        8/10/16 1:21pm

        ???? you are equating training horses and competing with them to forcing sweet puppies to rip each other apart limb for limb? have you read any of the michael vick case file? Wtf is wrong with you???

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        HappyFunDadMallory
        8/10/16 5:03pm

        Yes I am. There is nothing wrong with me. How the hell is it a sport to force an animal to perform a dangerous stunt that often times results in the animal being destroyed?

        Rich assholes torturing animals...basically fox hunting or I guess a rodeo with less mouth cancer.

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      otterbirdHamilton Nolan
      8/08/16 1:01pm

      I recently signed up for a week of riding lessons- I had eight years of weekly lessons but hadn’t ridden for the past five years or so. By the third morning I was having to roll back and forth in bed to get enough momentum to get myself out of bed. Riding a fuckton of exercise. You work out everything- your legs, your core, your arms, EVERYTHING.

      That said, I would read the shit out of a Gawker feature “Hamilton Nolan Learns How to Ride a Horse.” There’s a good stable in Riverdale. Can someone make this happen?

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        GoOnWithoutMeotterbird
        8/08/16 1:08pm

        The Nolan Ranger! I’ll read that!

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        ZephyrMarieotterbird
        8/08/16 1:11pm

        Seriously. I’d like to see these people ride a posting trot on a horse with a short gait and a bad attitude for half an hour and then get back to me.

        I played soccer, softball, rugby and other sports growing up and eventing kicked my ass more than all of those combined.

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      HypnoCatHamilton Nolan
      8/08/16 12:50pm

      I think we can all agree that bowling is not a sport. It’s a game. Like croquet. or billiards.

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        Mrs. KravitzHypnoCat
        8/08/16 1:18pm

        Or ping pong

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        HypnoCatMrs. Kravitz
        8/08/16 1:19pm

        You know, I started to say ping pong but I thought better, because it actually has some real physicality involved, especially at the elite levels.

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