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    Andrew DaisukeLauren Evans
    7/03/16 1:16pm

    Wait, OE comes in plastic bottles? Where the hell have I been?

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      kristinbytesAndrew Daisuke
      7/03/16 1:20pm

      Those would have been so much easier to sneak into the movies back in high school.

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      I may have lost my burner but that's just like your opinionkristinbytes
      7/03/16 1:23pm

      Next up in high-school nostalgo-queasiness: Old Crow ‘whiskey’ in plastic bottles.

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    chienfouLauren Evans
    7/03/16 2:10pm

    When I read that column this morning, I was all “Oh, Jez just has to cover this!” And you did not disappoint. It’s even better than expected with the additional Friday version which I hadn’t seen. The Vows column has sure changed over the years when it used to be all Margaret (Muffy) Brown and Harlan (Shep) Pinkleton IV meeting when Muffy had trouble starting the yacht by herself during the Harvard reunion.

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      Hurrikatechienfou
      7/03/16 3:51pm

      Yeah, uh, 99% of them are still Muffies and Buffies and roman numeral guys though. One of my favorites over the years:

      The bridegroom’s four previous marriages ended in divorce.

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      DanceswithPeeps The Burner v2.1chienfou
      7/03/16 5:55pm

      Muffy has staff to start the yacht. Really, dear.

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    Anna MerlanLauren Evans
    7/03/16 5:00pm

    This love story really spoke to me, particularly the part where the lady had a profound realization of the heart whilst tripping absolute balls and then the NYT had to pretend like they weren’t complete narcs

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      MooseyDeersLauren Evans
      7/03/16 4:00pm

      Oh gosh I know these people.

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        HarvestMoonMooseyDeers
        7/03/16 4:44pm

        Spill!

        Are you one of the many who advised them to go to their separate ways?

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        Charlotte29 aka Rob KHarvestMoon
        7/03/16 5:45pm

        There were many gems in this, but by far the most precious was the groom’s dad’s reluctance to perform the ceremony. I loved how he was like “Yeah I thought it was a terrible idea but seemed like they were gonna do it anyway so... Let’s all cross our fingers and hope for the best?”

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      EatBigSeaLauren Evans
      7/03/16 3:32pm

      It’s like this is the weekend for particularly annoying NYT columns like this. This one, and the Modern Love piece that seems like it’s going to be about something interesting (the end of men) and is instead about a woman so insufferable that she blithely writes about breaking up an 18 year marriage but is so far above needing her partner that she doesn't remember when she got married.

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        BlahblahblahEatBigSea
        7/03/16 5:56pm

        Yes! She’s all proud of not needing men, but she right away got involved with a married man, he left his wife for her, they got legally married and had 2 kids, but naw guys, she’s cool. They might be married and have lived as a family for decades, but they aren’t MARRIED married, ya know. They totally have to check their marriage license to know their anniversary. No selling out.

        Gimme a break, lady.

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        BenjaminSmuttinsBlahblahblah
        7/03/16 7:50pm

        The posturing - ahhhhhhghhhh. Seriously, just do whatever the hell you want, and shut up about it. The vows column is thirstiness X infinity. It is the journalism equivalent of the manic pixie dream girl.

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      Major Lazer Power BlazerLauren Evans
      7/03/16 2:01pm

      oh god i read this yesterday- this couple sounds like THE WORST

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        accesskathrynMajor Lazer Power Blazer
        7/03/16 3:48pm

        Did you see this one? I first read about it (complete with snarky commentary) on a hipster hate blog. But it stands on its own.

        Conclusion: I must read “Vows” regularly. You can’t make this shit up.

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        Flahdaaccesskathryn
        7/04/16 12:13pm

        I would ask you to link to the hate blog, because this couple is just too precious for words and I find myself needing insulin, but, hell, clearly they deserve each other.

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      MadmanacrossthewaterLauren Evans
      7/03/16 1:36pm

      I can see why the father was reluctant to officiate. I’d be surprised to read they made it a year.

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        thoughtsrightmeowMadmanacrossthewater
        7/03/16 1:40pm

        Agreed. Would love for the NYT to follow up with all the couples that they wrote about in Vows and see how many have equally awful divorces.

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        jemandthehologramsthoughtsrightmeow
        7/04/16 8:51am

        This is fucking genius. Next to the ‘vows’ column they should have a ‘divorce’ column where they link back to the original cutesie story and rehash everything that went wrong.

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      hiddleswiftbabyfetusLauren Evans
      7/03/16 1:44pm

      Hello Lauren, I was wondering if you could do me a favor with your journalism connections and get in touch with Taylor Swift. I am currently in her womb and if you could just ask her to knock it the hell off with the fucking acai bowls and green tea smoothies for breakfast? How about some chicken fried steak or hash browns or waffles and French toast? Is it too much to ask that once in a great while she eat some Froot Loops or something? This is getting ridiculous, you know? I tried ordering through Seamless but they (apparently after some lengthy discussions with their legal team) told me they can’t deliver to the womb of a celebrity. I don’t know if this is a possible case of discrimination but I’m not about all that right now. I just want some carbs and some bacon, man. At least let me know if you hear of any upcoming publicity shoo—I mean “dates” with Tom because at least then she has some Starbucks.

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        Marlene Freaktrickhiddleswiftbabyfetus
        7/03/16 2:59pm

        this is excellent Kinja

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      courtLauren Evans
      7/03/16 1:22pm

      The Times writers were on mescaline and ketamine when they wrote the column, so I’d cut them a line of slack, or baby laxative.

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        Tammy2Lauren Evans
        7/03/16 1:38pm

        Feel pretty confident that these two definitely deserve each other.

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          ahhhhhhhrrhhhhhhhhhaheeTammy2
          7/03/16 2:26pm

          I’m a super-bitter, old, single hag, but when I read something like this, I’m glad she took him off the market so I never have to accidentally swipe-right on this guy.

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