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    ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ : Riot GRRR is RUNNING WILDAnna Merlan
    6/21/16 2:38pm

    “Men are afraid women will take their canoe paddles. Women are afraid of losing their spirituality.”

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      Selfie-consciousʕ•ᴥ•ʔ : Riot GRRR is RUNNING WILD
      6/21/16 2:48pm

      Very hard thing to make fun of but you did it. Well done. *not sarcasm

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      Kiara SkuraSelfie-conscious
      6/21/16 3:20pm

      (Right? I was so expecting to be all, ugh.)

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    artless.dodgerAnna Merlan
    6/21/16 2:39pm

    Somewhere, Keith Morrison is furiously looking for the lone picture of Graswald that “Dateline” will feature over and over in the one hour special....

    GIF
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      hamwinkyartless.dodger
      6/21/16 2:40pm

      it’s already been on Dateline!

      I know because I lost hours watching it.

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      artless.dodgerhamwinky
      6/21/16 2:45pm

      How did I miss the rare non-husband-as-murderer episode?!?

      Oh god, did he smirk while he interviewed relatives of the deceased? He did, didn’t he?

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    Flying SquidAnna Merlan
    6/21/16 2:32pm

    I don’t know what else he should have expected when she suggested going upstream on Schitt Creek.

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      hancookFlying Squid
      6/21/16 2:36pm

      How come whenever there is a story about a man potentially murdering his wife the comments are filled with Margaret Atwood quotes but when it’s a woman potentially killing her husband it’s all jokes?

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      JustUsBabeFlying Squid
      6/21/16 2:36pm

      It’s always interesting to me how those in Jezebel comments would make jokes about a woman killing a man, yet if the roles were reversed it would most certainly be no laughing matter.

      That said, I chuckled. Well done.

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    paultoesAnna Merlan
    6/21/16 2:47pm

    But after the 48 Hours episode I found her to be not guilty! Going kayaking without the plug is not going to kill you. This is the plug on top of the kayak:

    Removing it to kill someone would be like... I dunno, sneezing on someone’s doorknob when you have the flu. And there were all the usual accusations that she wasn’t mourning the right way. How dare she not be a sobbing mess.

    But what do I know. The criminal justice system is never wrong.

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      Codiustheawesomepaultoes
      6/21/16 2:54pm

      So you’re saying she succeeded despite her best efforts?

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      Otherhandpaultoes
      6/21/16 2:56pm

      If it’s not dangerous to remove the plug then why does that hole look so shocked?

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    Tequila MockingbirdAnna Merlan
    6/21/16 2:35pm

    Spiritual?

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      GELLA - LLAPTequila Mockingbird
      6/21/16 2:46pm

      Break up, new haircut, therapy, vacation, move on.

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      MargoRayGELLA - LLAP
      6/21/16 2:48pm

      Emphasis on the therapy in this case I think.

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    RegalAlienAnna Merlan
    6/21/16 2:52pm

    WTF? There are so many exits along the relationship highway between “No, I will not have a threesome with your coworker” and “Murder”. Most of them lead to DTMFA, but a few lead to relationship counseling. She had options.

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      VulcansAreHeartbreakersRegalAlien
      6/21/16 3:11pm

      Her last line sounds like bullshit -

      “very spiritual person and knew he would never really be gone” if she did.

      Yeah, no. Likelier she was offended he asked for a threesome, became enraged when he kept asking, and assumed he would cheat on her with this co-worker eventually. If she broke it off, he might just start dating this other threesome-loving woman. Killing motivated by revenge. That’s why she didn’t just break up with him. She wanted him to suffer.

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      RegalAlienVulcansAreHeartbreakers
      6/21/16 4:57pm

      Agreed. Permission to use “he backed me into a corner & I had no choice” card denied.

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    MadPiglet loves West HamAnna Merlan
    6/21/16 3:37pm

    People know they can just... break up, right? Sure, it’s messy and most of the time it’s a pain in the ass to divide the DVD collection but you can just break up, you guys.

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      goddessoftransitoryMadPiglet loves West Ham
      6/21/16 7:11pm

      I’m not getting the sense of “he’ll kill/hurt me if I try to leave” from the article, so yes, I’m inclined to agree. If she truly felt afraid for her life a la any Lifetime movie, that’s one thing, although I would hope you would at least try the police before the kayak plug. But this woman just sounds nutso.

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      MadPiglet loves West Hamgoddessoftransitory
      6/21/16 9:24pm

      I did consider that angle, but couldn’t shoehorn it into my joke. Not every bad relationship is an abusive one. Sometimes the people in it are just not right for each other and/or completely unhinged.

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    JujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes hereAnna Merlan
    6/21/16 2:48pm

    She's not a murderer, just a paddlephile.

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      anyah8sbunniesJujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes here
      6/21/16 2:57pm

      Goddammit. You made me lol for realz

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      Bono's BonerJujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes here
      6/21/16 3:03pm

      I hate you. (+1 though, well done.)

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    PerraviejaAnna Merlan
    6/21/16 2:34pm

    She would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for that meddling stupidity.

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      mollymlf05Anna Merlan
      6/21/16 3:52pm

      I am very confused by this. If you pull the plug out of a boat, the boat will sink, but it’s not like you can’t get out of a kayak. Could he not swim, and she knew that? If he couldn’t swim, why wasn’t he wearing a lifejacket? Was he already capsized when she left him? It says he was holding onto the paddle to stay afloat, so it seems like he was. I am so incredibly confused.

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        deliaplummollymlf05
        6/21/16 4:58pm

        well - it was April, so the river was probably freezing and river currents can be incredibly strong. so, if he was wearing heavy clothing and the water currents were strong, you can get tired and hypothermic very quickly and not be able to swim.

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