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    MargieBonzAimée Lutkin
    6/18/16 7:01pm

    Good evening Jezzies! What’s everyone drinking? Leinenkugel Summer Shandy. It’s hot as hell here today.

    It was another glorious week at work. Although, I did get a nice FB post from one of our sales people. Twinja has been making the crappy days easier though, thanks loves!

    I am thinking about pushing my application to the MBA program a trimester. I am just not feeling like I am going to succeed if I start in just a few months. I haven’t been able to study for the GRE as much as I have wanted to.

    Been watching OINTB last night and today.

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      SpicyHatMargieBonz
      6/18/16 7:04pm

      Blackberry wine to try to forget about my thesis!

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      anathemadevicetwopointohMargieBonz
      6/18/16 7:04pm

      Today I broke out the metal cups & Bourbon - it’s mint julep time.

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    Ladyheatherlee 2016 EditionAimée Lutkin
    6/18/16 7:08pm

    So I think I have panic disorder. Developed in Cuba. I’m on clonazepam, but I can’t de-panic between attacks. This is horribly bad timing with dance recitals coming up and my husband leaving town. Can’t drive on my drugs. Seeing my doc on Monday for a referral for cognitive behavioural therapy. I think I also need an echocardiogram because I had an abnormal ECG so I might have mitral valve prolapse.

    Can I just catch a break or something? Sigh.

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      mscoffeeLadyheatherlee 2016 Edition
      6/18/16 7:14pm

      oh no. been there. sending calming vibes.

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      Ladyheatherlee 2016 Editionmscoffee
      6/18/16 7:17pm

      How long did it take to calm down? What happened was I basically panicked all day Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Not this week. Last week. I had to endure a gruelling travel day back to Canada in that condition with no meds, all paranoid that they’d notice and emergency land the plane.

      So it's been a week of being medicated and I'm still feeling psycho and smothered and my heart is racing. :/

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    Pumpkin Andy is OrangeAimée Lutkin
    6/18/16 7:33pm

    Angst thread! For anyone who is dreading father’s day for any reason (for me, narcissistic witch mother who gets nastier when she drinks and enabler father, siblings who pretend they don’t see how my mother is torturing me), let's share the dread together.

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      foxGreyjoy and the salty cynicPumpkin Andy is Orange
      6/18/16 7:46pm

      Me, i’m joining. I made my dad a birthday card a few months ago to try and bridge the gap, and all I got back was two requirements for what a person he’d accept was. We never had a good relationship, and I wasn’t open with him as a teen, but i’ve started to give myself slack for that.

      Eh.

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      nightvalePumpkin Andy is Orange
      6/18/16 7:54pm

      My mom died this year. My parents were married for 52 years, so the last few months have been really tough for my dad. To make things harder, our relationship is difficult because he’s a gun toting, NRA member, bigot and homophob. He’s 81 and I try to avoid conversation landmines but he’s turning more cantankerous by the day and also falling into depression. He lives states away so our interaction is only a couple times a year but it’s still like walking a tightrope. Sigh.

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    AntisocialJusticeWarrior is not Anti-SJWAimée Lutkin
    6/18/16 7:08pm

    Hi Jezzies! I won’t be here after this. I have this weird thing called a social engagement tonight and I’m not really sure how to do it? Anyway, I thought long and hard about doing the Brag Thread this SNS, after the horrible tragedy that this week has brought. I didn’t want to seem crass or insensitive by asking myself and others to brag about good things in our lives. But I realized that this is in fact the perfect time to reflect on the positives in our lives, the things that bring us joy. So: here is your Brag Thread!! What has brought you joy this week?

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      MayotonillaAntisocialJusticeWarrior is not Anti-SJW
      6/18/16 7:12pm

      I told you a few weeks ago I was organizing a fund raiser among my college class. It is the first time something like that is done in my Mexican university. We started last week and we are already half way to our goal! People do want to give back to our university. It’s great!

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      The Noble RenardAntisocialJusticeWarrior is not Anti-SJW
      6/18/16 7:12pm

      I’m going to have to call you “OccasionallySocialJusticeWarrior” from now on!

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    MassofContradictionsAimée Lutkin
    6/18/16 7:28pm

    Ok, to the pervy Jezzies, I have a question. If someone was hypothetically looking to find a pervy sexting partner, and that’s all they really wanted, how would you go about searching? What websites would you want to look on?

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      DontBeSuchaBoobPunchTinaMassofContradictions
      6/18/16 7:49pm

      I don’t know either, but I can’t WAIT to see the replies on this one!

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      MassofContradictionsDontBeSuchaBoobPunchTina
      6/18/16 7:50pm

      Same here. This ought to be interesting.

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    rockoutwithyourbockoutAimée Lutkin
    6/18/16 9:14pm

    PSA to all moms and those that talk to moms a lot, please don’t be a dick when a woman tells you she’s made the decision not to breastfeed. There’s no reason for it.

    I must have explained (and my badass friend must have explained) to 15 people at a baby expo today that I was not breastfeeding after they attempted to get me interested in breastfeeding things. My friend has plans to, so I went with her to some booths that had some breastfeeding things. I am seeing a psych in about a week. I’ve had a terribly rough pregnancy and will likely end up back on meds again (I have a history of mental illness that until now I treated with talk therapy, sleep, and food successfully for over a year) and that’s okay because that’s what I need to be a healthy, happy mama. It wasn’t easy asking for a psych referral last week but with the support of my friends, amazing husband, and my wonderful doctor, I was able to get some support. The meds I need post-pregnancy are not safe for breastfeeding and most that are will make me manic AF. My doctor has known this all along. Before we got pregnant, we knew this and were planning on formula. I am educated, I do research for a living, and my choice is the best for me. Please don’t talk don’t talk down to me. I’m a breastfeeding ally and I have supported all my preggers friends (all have breastfed) whenever they needed me. But apparently now I’m a leper.

    Honestly, even meds aside, I would lose my damn mind without the deadline to have my body back in 5 and a half months. I haven’t eaten a full meal in months and keeping down water has been a chore since day one. No matter what is right for you, please just let your friends and others make the right choices for them. They may not want to get into why they aren’t planning on doing it and that is okay.

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      Das, evil rabbit and obnoxious (half)germanrockoutwithyourbockout
      6/18/16 10:25pm

      I’m so sorry that people are being nasty to you about breastfeeding and am glad that you have a friend who will support you! I know it’s anecdotal, but I was formula-fed and turned out just fine, but it was a long road to get there... my mom didn’t produce enough milk for me and I starved for weeks before her mother convinced her that formula is “ok.” The (stupid) stigma against giving babies formula is intense. It’s a bit silly perhaps but I really do believe that happy and healthy moms make happy and healthy babies. I’m rooting for you and I hope that people stop questioning your choices!

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      DontBeSuchaBoobPunchTinarockoutwithyourbockout
      6/18/16 10:44pm

      I grew up in ‘70s suburbia and this bullshit baffles me. Some moms in our neighborhood breast-fed, some used formula, many did both. The kids all grew up healthy, well-nourished, fit (from running around outside all day like you could do there and then), and attractive. Hardly anyone even needed braces. Seriously, when I still went to the local school, we had some of the best-looking kids you could hope to see anywhere. I couldn’t tell the difference, who got breast-fed and who got formula as a baby, and neither could anyone else.

      And I don’t remember mothers tearing into each other over this, either, as I grew old enough to notice such things. It was a personal choice and I do mean personal.

      What I don’t get is not only the judgment, but even more, how everyone thinks it’s their business now. It’s NOT.

      You don’t have to explain yourself. I say the people who butt in on you like this should be explaining themselves.

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    DerbyDuck42Aimée Lutkin
    6/18/16 7:06pm

    Hey Jezzies! Been to any good concerts/performances lately?

    Duckling and I went to see Pat Benatar on Thursday night. Woman can still rock. It was as much fun to watch Duckling as it was to watch the performance - my kid was enthralled.

    Next month, Weird Al. And then a bit of a lull - the next performer on the slate to come in town is Ted Nugent, whom I will not have my daughter in the same building with. Eww.

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      Das, evil rabbit and obnoxious (half)germanDerbyDuck42
      6/18/16 7:11pm

      In less than a month I’m going to see Hall and Oates and I’m unreasonably excited about it

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      DerbyDuck42Das, evil rabbit and obnoxious (half)german
      6/18/16 7:12pm

      Hall and Oates! I don’t blame you for being excited! (Maybe they’ll schedule a stop here...)

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    mscoffeeAimée Lutkin
    6/18/16 7:03pm

    Hi guys! Sorry I’ve been so MIA this month... bridesmaiding season is in full swing, but next weekend is my last wedding whirlwind.

    Tonight I am in a terrible, horrible, no-good very bad mood. I was supposed to go out dancing with friends, but I was sick all week and I still have awful residual fatigue. Like the kind where I can’t walk a couple blocks without getting dizzy. Also, unrelatedly, I broke my toe. So clearly my body wants me to stay in tonight, but I’m displeased.

    But I am trying to look on the bright side! This is an excuse to binge the new season of OITNB (almost done!) and get sushi delivered; and also, I painted my own nails (which I never do because I’m terrible at it) and they don’t look too shitty!

    Keep me company... let’s talk about OITNB! Show me pictures of your nails!

    ETA: apparently my computer hates me and my nail picture isn’t posting. boo.

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      MargieBonzmscoffee
      6/18/16 7:08pm

      I am really far into OINTB. I like it a lot. It’s not stressing me out as much as I thought it would, but I was also totally smacked upside the head by the last season of Wentworth.

      Sushi delivery is a great decadence.

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      The Noble Renardmscoffee
      6/18/16 7:09pm

      Sorry to hear about your foot! That sounds painful and frustrating.

      Here’s a gif of a cat playing fetch to make your evening better:

      GIF
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    deerlady83Aimée Lutkin
    6/18/16 7:10pm

    My aunt has finally died today early this morning. It was a very rough week with a lot of downs but also ups. We kept getting calls that it was time but it wasn’t. That gets wearing after awhile. Especially since it wasn’t her anymore. She was a bright and strong woman. It was a relief when it finally happened.

    It was nice seeing people in the community leaving messages on her Facebook. She will not only be missed by our family but the community. She was a community leader and teacher for a number of years. They were talking that she might have taught over a thousand students in our community. She taught a few generations of children.

    Her funeral will be on Friday. I think I might cancelled my trip to Orlando. I want to say goodbye with my family and community.

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      LaChavalinadeerlady83
      6/18/16 7:13pm

      I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m glad you’re getting comfort from the community— and that your aunt is at peace. <3

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      CarrieA6hatesportmanteauxdeerlady83
      6/18/16 7:13pm

      Teachers are the best. I’m glad you’re getting support and so many reminders of her loveliness.

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    mocenaAimée Lutkin
    6/18/16 8:08pm

    I’ve been grappling lately with how to help my kid through her dad’s abandonment. He hasn’t lived with us since early last year, but he used to call pretty regularly, and he hasn’t called now since mid-March. It’s clearly bugging her and it’s been a hard thing to figure out, how do I explain to an almost-four-year-old why her once doting daddy has dropped off the face of the earth? The complicating thing is that it’s actually the very best thing in the world that he’s left us alone completely, he was emotionally abusive to me and extremely unstable. It’s both in our emotional best interests and her legal best interests for him to do this, so calling him is not going to work. Plus, I keep worrying that he WILL call eventually, upending the peace we’ve crafted for ourselves.

    Generally, I’ve been trying to not mention him or remind her of him to help her move on, but I read an article about a woman whose father basically erased the memories of her deceased mother so thoroughly that she got really screwed up because she thought she had imagined her own mom, and I thought that I maybe should reconsider that plan. She doesn’t mention him much, but she has mentioned him a lot lately, and I started to think I’d been handling it wrong.

    So this week, I decided to to say to hell with it and go with the idea that he’s never contacting us again. She know’s that he is very, very sick and cannot be a daddy anymore, and so I brought it up to her that he hadn’t called lately and asked her how she felt. She said it hurt her in her throat (not even four, this kid) that he didn’t call, and so I asked if she wanted to talk about him and what she remembered about him. She wanted to talk, so I tried to think of positive things to say about him that she could understand, because that’s what the books (okay, this internet article I read) said to do in cases of abandonment. It wasn’t easy at all, because I’ve spent the last 15 months or so trying to come to grips with everything shitty he has ever done to us, just to survive the divorce. But focusing of positive traits of his is how I used to survive being married to him, and it is extremely uncomfortable to do now.

    I tried. Hard.

    I came up with the fact that he knew how to fix a toilet. It isn’t much, but I think it’s enough for now.

    I need a drink.

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      Literally Just Cheesemocena
      6/18/16 8:22pm

      I was the little kid with a bad, mostly absent dad once, and don’t get me wrong, it was hard at first. But that said, kids are smart enough to know that they want to be with the parent who can take care of them. It sounds like you’re doing a great job balancing being comforting and telling her the truth.

      And if it helps, my little brother who was much younger than me when my dad left always said that he didn’t feel like he was missing any part of his family. He had very few good memories of him since he was so young at the time of divorce, and again, it was hard at first, but in the long-run he’s certainly no worse for it. I’m sure it’s especially heartbreaking to have to help such a little kid cope through a divorce, but sometimes I think it’s easier to go through that type of thing when you’re really young.

      Best wishes to your family! Hope you’re also posting on the boozey thread, or at least enjoying a good drink.

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      mocenaLiterally Just Cheese
      6/18/16 8:26pm

      Part of my calculus in raising her and being married to him was that I would put up with his shit and give him a chance to change until it started to hurt her, and I called it quits before she was three when he still hadn’t fixed his shit. I hope against hope that was enough. The good news is that I’ve managed to meet and fall in love with an incredible guy who I’ll be marrying in a couple of months and who is totally dedicated to raising her and will adopt her after the wedding. He’s the dad she always deserved, and even though he’s late to the game, I am hoping that his influence helps fill the gaps that her shitbag biological father left.

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