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    Low Information BoaterHamilton Nolan
    5/25/16 1:18pm

    I've never understood the idea behind sticking all your money in a decorative border shrubbery. I have several lovely boxwood topiaries in my back yard, but I value them for purely aesthetic reasons, and would never dream of hiding my assets in them. Wall St. sorcery if'n you ask me.

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      DontCallItAComeBackLow Information Boater
      5/25/16 1:23pm

      It’s very simple why institutional investors (i.e. many of your parents and grandparents, teachers, pensions and retirees...) are forced into these funds....bc of the pensions!

      So all of you BernieBros and HamNo...don’t hate the people that are trying to pay your parents and the very people whom are in the UNIONS you all love so fucking much...what they received as for their benefits...their liabilities (pensions and the like) are so enormous that institutions are FORCED into investing in said “hedge funds”.

      Another example of an idiot not knowing what the fuck he is talking about...oh like Bernie

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      Low Information BoaterDontCallItAComeBack
      5/25/16 1:28pm

      You definitely sound like you know what you're talking about, and not at all like you've decided to go off your meds. I'll take your word for it.

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    She-BoozieHamilton Nolan
    5/25/16 1:35pm

    Your reporting on hedge fund fees is wholly inaccurate. It is true that many hedge funds charge a management fee and then take 20%+ of the profit it makes, but that is not the whole story. Most hedge funds are required to meet a “hurdle” (a negotiated number, typically 8%) before it can take a share of the profits. Meaning, if the hedge funds returns are not greater than or equal to the hurdle %, they don’t take any share of the profits. If they meet or exceed the hurdle %, they take 20+% of the profits that exceed the hurdle. So, if you gave a hedge fund $100m with an 8% hurdle, the hedge fund would be required to return to you $108 million before they took any share of the profits. If you add a 2% annual management fee, those fees would be added to the hurdle. So, in simple terms, if you invested $100m with an 8% hurdle and a 2% annual management fee for a 2 year period, the fund would be required to pay you $112m before it took any share of the profits. To be clear, if they took your $100m and turned it into $150m, the would return $112m to you, then take 20% of the remaining $38m. You still have $142.4 million, which is a whole lot more money than $100m. On the other hand, if the hedge fund took your money and only returned 5%, they would only take the management fee and no share of the profit.

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      VanNostrandShe-Boozie
      5/25/16 1:40pm

      I don’t think you understand.. he reads FT.

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      SungodlyShe-Boozie
      5/25/16 1:56pm

      Likewise, using the numbers in the post, if they took your $100 million and the fund returned -3%, they would still get the $2 million management fee, and you’d have just $95 million.

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    SoapBoxcarWillieHamilton Nolan
    5/25/16 1:38pm

    The exorbitant fee structure is only part of the reason that PTJ is worth $5BB. The other side of the story is being able to pay taxes at a rate 20 percentage points lower than the rest of us on a significant portion of his income. When you can then reinvest that money not paid in taxes at high rates of return, the number becomes even more significant over time—hence, why hedge fund managers make so much money at such a young age.

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      legaltrutherSoapBoxcarWillie
      5/25/16 1:51pm

      Worth noting that it’s a lower rate because it’s a carried interest in the performance of the investment, and therefore (unlike a salary) no money is paid if it doesn’t perform (see the explanation above re: hurdle rates). If someone offered you a deal where you get to pay lower taxes, except you only make money if your clients make money (since people making money on their investments is a good thing), then it might not be so crazy...

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      SteveInWISoapBoxcarWillie
      5/25/16 1:55pm

      It is truly amazing to me that bringing capital gains taxes in line with income tax rates is a non-starter. It really shows how the 1% has a stranglehold on our political system.

      I mean, you can approach it from either the liberal or conservative perspective regarding the actual percentage rate, but it's absurd to treat money differently based on how it's earned. And the rich can spare me the line of BS about how their capital has already been taxed; guess what, every dollar is circulation is taxed over and over again as it circulates.

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    Rom RombertsHamilton Nolan
    5/25/16 1:21pm

    Hedge Boss: (leans over associate sitting in front of 17 flat panel monitors, points at a chart) Hm. Hedge this one just a bit harder.

    Associate: (turns knobs and pulls a lever, changing the color of the graph from red to less red)

    Hedge Boss: Just a bit more hedge...

    Associate: (now sweating, still turning knob, but very delicately)

    Hedge Boss: There! Just there! Perfectly hedged. Now, climb into my mouth and light yourself on fire. You are my cigarette now. The whole WORLD is my cigarette!

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      LongSnakeRom Romberts
      5/25/16 1:33pm

      It’s like you were there, man!

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      A_Copy_EditorRom Romberts
      5/25/16 1:34pm

      This is so fucking awesome, holy shit.

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    whatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatHamilton Nolan
    5/25/16 1:13pm

    BREAKING: Florida judge denies Gawker’s motion for a new trial in Hulk Hogan sex-video case and won’t reduce $140 million verdict.

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      Ianwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhat
      5/25/16 1:28pm

      If you are going to claim something like this, you need to provide a link.

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      Cam/ronIan
      5/25/16 1:36pm

      The AP reported it: https://twitter.com/AP/status/7355…

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    MWarnerMHamilton Nolan
    5/25/16 1:38pm

    It’s been fucking hilarious to watch Wall Street realize that job automation and outsourcing don’t just affect the little people any more.

    Sorry, BankerBro. But there isn’t enough cocaine in the world to make you trade faster than a computer algorithm can, and the customer service rep in India can answer my questions just as well (and more politely) than your stuck up Ivy-league ass. Best of luck in the coming round of layoffs.

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      WhatthefoxsaysMWarnerM
      5/25/16 1:57pm

      Automation and outsourcing are not impacting the portfolio managers, investment bankers, or desk traders on Wall Street. They’re killing off the back office, where most people don’t have Ivy degrees.

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      ReburnsABurningReturnsWhatthefoxsays
      5/25/16 2:33pm

      That’s a cute thing to say, but it is both true and not true. There are plenty of equities fat cats who have lost their jobs to better trading platforms and to a broadening public knowledge of the fact that markets are mostly efficient.

      But lots of the work on Wall Street was never about the sorts of things that HFT can take over.

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    Johnny CrapHamilton Nolan
    5/25/16 1:29pm

    This is a passing aversion to hedge funds.

    These fuckers will come back, possibly rebrand themselves (Hi, Steve Cohen, I see you).

    The way a typical hedge fund snags a typical pension’s/retirement system’s business is this.

    1. You hire a former cop/firefighter/high ranking NYCERS employee/board member as a “consultant.”

    2. The consultant gets you in to the finals.

    3. In the finals, you show back tested performance to a bunch of ex cops and firefighters and sanitation Dept engineers. The true investment consultants keep nodding their heads (remember, they want to work for the hedge fund some day )

    4. You win the mandate, run up the fees.

    5. The hedge fund manager secretly /openly donated to pension-reform type politicians who want to change defined benefit plans to defined contribution (which I actually support). Isn’t that hilarious? You’re charging exorbitant fees to the pensions, and with those fees you support causes that are trying to fuck them over.

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      DumpsterbabyJohnny Crap
      5/25/16 1:38pm

      You could also shovel funds through the governor's brother into his PAC, and then the governor moves ginormous amounts from the State employees pension fund into the donors hedge funds.

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      Johnny CrapDumpsterbaby
      5/25/16 3:14pm

      No argument from me. Everyone is fucking corrupt.

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    CatdogWhispererHamilton Nolan
    5/25/16 1:18pm

    Sometimes I watch findom porn and stuff. I feel this is such a ripoff that if this were a female, I could probably cum for it

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      BlastProcessingCatdogWhisperer
      5/25/16 1:24pm

      Homer backing into the hedge dot gif

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    Jerry-NetherlandHamilton Nolan
    5/25/16 1:19pm

    All the Memorial Day mattress sales flashing on my screen look even more inviting right about now!

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      dothedewHamilton Nolan
      5/25/16 2:03pm

      I remember back before 2 and 20 was the norm, 1 and 10 was the going rate. Inflation, I guess

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        Sparky Polastrydothedew
        5/25/16 2:26pm

        Yep. Also, because: science

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