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    Tom Servo's mechanical heart, Flat Earth TrutherTracy Moore
    5/24/16 12:14pm

    I related to more of this than I feel comfortable with, to be honest. These are hard things to admit or say, even to one’s self.

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      rslwnTom Servo's mechanical heart, Flat Earth Truther
      5/24/16 12:21pm

      Second.

      A while ago my husband and I were having a Serious Talk and he said “Sometimes you say something and I wonder, is rslwn actually not a good person?” My reaction was somewhere between “Um, you didn’t know?” and “OH GOD WHAT WILL HE DO NOW THAT HE KNOWS?”

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      Tom Servo's mechanical heart, Flat Earth Trutherrslwn
      5/24/16 12:26pm

      in new relationships i always try to be like. the cool girl. for as long as i can. but the truth always comes out eventually and I’m like, welp hope he loves me enough by now that he’ll deal w/ it!

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    sybannTracy Moore
    5/24/16 12:17pm

    Men who can’t handle challenging women seem to be the rule, not the exception. Just as challenging women who haven’t had that aspect ground off by life (or self-suppressed) are the exception - especially if they value relationships. Almost all relationships require compromise. Not poking. ;)

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      Brigitte Bardot's black wigsybann
      5/24/16 12:23pm

      There can be a fine line between being challenging and just being an asshole. This veered into the latter territory (and I don’t even mean the boner poke, which was just insecure and weird).

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      Caitie2187Brigitte Bardot's black wig
      5/24/16 12:36pm

      I was thinking that too. Mocking the guy who was helping with the groceries was just rude.

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    MostlyKelp ( Now, you people get that oven, or die trying. You hear that, Stormy? DIE.)Tracy Moore
    5/24/16 12:11pm
    GIF
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      monstachruckMostlyKelp ( Now, you people get that oven, or die trying. You hear that, Stormy? DIE.)
      5/24/16 1:03pm

      Your name is everything I love <3

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      deerlady83MostlyKelp ( Now, you people get that oven, or die trying. You hear that, Stormy? DIE.)
      5/24/16 2:10pm

      I just love this gif.

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    Ms.ChanandlerBongTracy Moore
    5/24/16 12:50pm

    Was the poke’s intended message something like “I see you and I don’t appreciate you showing for anybody else but me?” Or “Haha, you have a boner from a movie”.

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      Tom Servo's mechanical heart, Flat Earth TrutherMs.ChanandlerBong
      5/24/16 1:08pm

      I didn’t understand this, either. Like I’d just rather not know about a dude’s boner for other chicks, i can't really understand pointing it out?

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      Octopit didn't choose the burrito life, the burrito life chose octopit.Ms.ChanandlerBong
      5/24/16 1:23pm

      Right? I am all for poking boners playfully! I WILL POKE ALL THE BONERS PLAYFULLY! (when I have permission to be that playful, of course, I am not just going around town with binoculars looking for boners to poke...YET.)

      I guess if you poke his boner, narrow your eyes and drag your finger across your throat like you are going to murder him it is not cool but WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL WITH POKING A BONER? There must be something wrong with me.

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    RicwashTracy Moore
    5/24/16 1:46pm

    I have never read so many comments from so many people that really don’t understand what the writer was getting at.

    There is a reason for the saying “Hurt people, hurt People.”

    If you had no idea what a normal, healthy relationship looked like because you never saw one, and were never taught what one was supposed to be, how would you handle relationships? What would your trial and error process look like? What kind of mistakes would you make, and how long would it take you to figure out that they were actually mistakes?

    This post answers those questions, in particular for women that grew up without fathers, or even father figures, or hell even very damaged fathers.

    Don’t be so quick to blow off someone’s life experiences just because they were so different from yours. You miss learning about what someone else had to go through to get to the point where they become a bit more functional. You never know how that might help you to understand the next person.

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      Tom Servo's mechanical heart, Flat Earth TrutherRicwash
      5/24/16 1:55pm

      but...but.... i have all this sanctimony built up, it must come out!

      J/k I’m with you. some of these comments... jfc we all have issues, people. It won’t kill you to acknowledge that.

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      QuanYinRicwash
      5/24/16 1:55pm

      What you said. I am in the midst of (finally) dealing with my fucked-up childhood and making the connections between my past and the way I behave now. The issues are totally different, but I totally get the author’s point- that having no roadmap for what a normal, healthy relationship looks like makes it REALLY hard to form normal, healthy relationships.

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    Global BeetTracy Moore
    5/24/16 12:05pm

    “My friends insisted this was abnormal, and that no one should have to put up with a portable menagerie of the ghosts of lovers past”

    Your friends are very much mistaken

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      Beverly Crush-HerGlobal Beet
      5/24/16 12:19pm

      Yeah, the normalization of jealousy is sort of sad. There is nothing wrong with feeling jealous or insecure, but there is definitely something wrong with expecting the people around you to constantly adjust their lives to accommodate those feelings.

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      TheBurnersMyDestinationBeverly Crush-Her
      5/24/16 12:23pm

      Especially in a small town, or if you are your exes share a core group of friends. It is definitely not abnormal to bump into your ex somewhere and exchange some polite small talk.

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    paultoesTracy Moore
    5/24/16 12:07pm
    GIF
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      Ms.ChanandlerBongpaultoes
      5/24/16 12:15pm

      I can always count on you to have the perfect reaction GIF every time!

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      Masshole Jamespaultoes
      5/24/16 12:17pm
      GIF
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    anisa-typesTracy Moore
    5/24/16 12:15pm

    It took me and my friends an embarrassingly long time to learn that just because a guy gets aroused around us that doesn’t mean it’s our responsibility to do anything about it. Like when they say, “what, you’re just going to leave me like this??” Um, yes?

    I think that’s why some men prefer to date inexperienced women who assume they’ve done something wrong if they don’t help his every boner become his orgasm.

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      Setzer777anisa-types
      5/24/16 12:34pm

      Yeah, and I never understood other guys complaining about blue balls. If it’s getting that bad, isn’t that what your hand is for?

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      MotleyKeySetzer777
      5/24/16 12:48pm

      Yeah, and I never understood other guys complaining about blue balls. If it’s getting that bad, isn’t that what your hand is for?

      Sure - until that guy winds up dating the girl who will berate him for actually using his hand and an open Playboy internet.

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    TheBurnersMyDestinationTracy Moore
    5/24/16 12:17pm

    Men were drawn to their assertiveness and autonomy at first, only to find that—in a region that will hold onto gender roles as long as it has held on to lard-based cooking—we ultimately didn’t “need them” enough.

    Damn, I can so relate to this. I have both dated and seen friends date guys who claimed to like us for all these reasons (which I later learned boiled down to ‘I don’t want to have to do any emotional work in this relationship’) only to then wonder why they didn’t become our whole lives once the relationship got serious. If you want someone who is going to fawn over you, cook for you, and clean up after you without complaint you are probably going to get a Stage 5 clinger. If you want someone independent and autonomy then you need to have an ego that survives not being stroked every second of the day.

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      YouThatPerson26TheBurnersMyDestination
      5/24/16 2:39pm

      There is a difference between someone who wants their ego stroked, and wants you to let them in though. I know lots of women with the same complaint: “they just can’t handle an independent woman!” But as the relationship got serious they (the guy) tried to be vunerable and caring, and she never reciprocated. I lost a friend when I told her the reason her ex left her is because she was a bitch to him: he would go to great lengths to be caring and supportive of her and she never did the same. He left work early to take care of stuff she needed done, he took care of her when she got sick, he learned to deal with her *many* cats (despite him having allergies, he eventually found a medication that worked for him).

      But asking her to blow off drink night with her friends so she could attend a wedding with him?

      Sometimes I think women don’t see that the same crappy behavior we hate in men is crappy behavior men would (and should) hate in us. So what if he didn’t actually like anyone in that wedding, that was all the more reason she should go with him!

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      TampaBeeAtch (misplaced witty subname)TheBurnersMyDestination
      5/24/16 3:37pm

      Good gravy this!!! Either that, or THEY because the stage 5 clinger which I ain’t having either.

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    Not Mr. ThouTracy Moore
    5/24/16 12:44pm

    I’m told by every woman I know that I need to end up with a woman who challenges me. But there seem to be very few genuinely challenging people out there, and the ones who seem the most assertive end up simply being contrarian and drama-seeking.

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      BIMming ItNot Mr. Thou
      5/24/16 12:53pm

      Maybe it’s a phrasing issue. You should look for a partner that challenges you, not a challenging partner. In other words, find someone that is willing to push you to be better and help you reach your goals.

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      $7CoffeeNot Mr. Thou
      5/24/16 3:53pm

      The “challenging” women you’re looking for will usually be not be the ones you think of first as challenging. Women who have their lives together and are educated and intelligent aren’t going to be screaming “look who smart and successful I am!”. Food for thought.

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