Discussion
  • Read More
    BobbySeriousGabrielle Bluestone
    5/13/16 9:51am

    Heard this audio driving this morning and was rolling. I guarantee you he sends himself flowers on valentines day. This guy is a total psychopath, and I’m predicting a massive, epic mental freak out at some point between now and November.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      GeorgeGeoffersonLivesBobbySerious
      5/13/16 9:58am

      At first when I saw this I was like “What’s the big deal?” But then I heard he did this regularly and actually listened to the tape. This shit is going to kill him. It’s always the little stuff that does it. It has nothing to do with politics, but it speaks to his incredible weirdness.

      I said it about Romney, but it goes for anyone: Americans will forgive scandal; they do not forgive weirdness so easily, and this is weird. You’ve got this massive empire and you’re personally making phone calls posing as your own publicist? This guy is s fucking fruit loop.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      BobbySeriousGeorgeGeoffersonLives
      5/13/16 10:03am

      Obviously, it won’t hurt him with his base, but I’m sure you know that. Hopefully, it will continue to show anyone on the fringe what a pathological, dangerous narcissist and megalomaniac this guy really is.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    CatdogWhispererGabrielle Bluestone
    5/13/16 9:59am

    Hi this is Doug Ashford, speaking on behalf of CatdogWhisperer, who is far too busy to comment on this article. He wanted to be here himself to tell you he thinks Trump is a schmuck, but he is busy getting a great blowjob from his gorgeous wife. Have you seen this woman? She's, I mean you've seen her right, she's a bombshell. Off the Richter Scale, this woman. And I gotta tell you, if I were CatdogWhisperer I'd be banging the hell outta her every night. But sometimes he, well you know how these things work, he has business requirements and things. Important business. But he still gets it in when he can, because the man has the libido of a twenty year old. Tremendous testosterone levels, most men couldn't survive them. His doctor told him that. Anyway, the point is, if he were here, he'd want you to know he thinks this Trump guy is a total loser. But his comment would be much funnier than that, I can't begin to comment as well as him, because this is just me. Doug Ashford

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      heeeeeynowCatdogWhisperer
      5/13/16 10:09am

      Seems... legit.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      MelbsCatdogWhisperer
      5/13/16 10:10am

      Bravo. That is quality. I literally have no words to describe how much better my Friday has gotten after reading that.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    cuntybawsGabrielle Bluestone
    5/13/16 9:50am

    Makes sense: even Donald Trump can’t stand to be Donald Trump all the time.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      EvenBaggierTrousers4cuntybaws
      5/13/16 10:02am

      But the comfort with which he slipped in to his role as “Mr. Miller” is frightening. I know I’d fuck up along the way somewhere if I had to talk about myself in the third person for an hour. It’s sort of psychotic.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      Flying Squid (I hate me more than you do.)EvenBaggierTrousers4
      5/13/16 10:14am

      I’m pretty sure I’m not psychotic but I could totally pull something like that off. I’m just a decent actor and good at improv. I mean I wouldn’t do something like that because it’s fucking sick, but when I was underage, I used to pull this act to get into bars, posing as a journalist from the UK who left his passport at his hotel by mistake. It worked many times and I conducted a lot of “interviews” as I was doing a “column” on average American lives as I traveled across the country by car. But that was just to get booze when I was 19 and 20. I sure as hell wouldn’t have done it to do anything else.

      For the record, I’m from Indiana and I’ve never written a newspaper column.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    Sean BrodyGabrielle Bluestone
    5/13/16 9:52am

    he’s starting to do tremendously well financially. As you saw, he got his licenses five to nothing the other day, and totally unanimous. And he’s really been working hard and doing well. And probably, as you know there’s a real estate depression in the United States, and he’s probably doing as well as anybody there is.

    If it’s not Trump, he’s certainly done his homework on an impersonation.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      EvenBaggierTrousers4Sean Brody
      5/13/16 10:08am

      I like how a “new” PR person knows ALL of these fucking intimate details. Like, why would a PR person know that Madonna was wearing combat boots at some event years before he was hired? Work on your character’s backstory, Donald, THEN make the call.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      cheerful_exgirlfriendEvenBaggierTrousers4
      5/13/16 10:19am

      Obviously John Miller was one of Maddona’s backup dancers before a broken ankle forced him to switch careers and go into PR.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    Hip Brooklyn StereotypeGabrielle Bluestone
    5/13/16 9:48am

    After this TL;DR I think I’ve officially reached my inane Trump update limit :/

    The title really has me hankering for some fried catfish now, though.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      MockingbirdHillHip Brooklyn Stereotype
      5/13/16 9:50am

      Fried catfish Po’boys smothered in Tabasco. That is living, my friend.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      Hip Brooklyn StereotypeMockingbirdHill
      5/13/16 9:52am

      Oh, man, YES!

      There’s ‘slaw in there too, right?

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    Ned FreyGabrielle Bluestone
    5/13/16 11:56am

    Here’s the most striking line in the Washington Post story about this:

    Then Carswell played the tape for Maples, who confirmed it was Trump and burst into tears as she heard Miller deny that a ring Trump gave her implied any intent to marry her.

    So Maples found out Trump didn’t really want to marry her after hearing him say it, on tape, to a People magazine reporter, while posing as a fake publicist.

    Unreal.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      Ned FreyNed Frey
      5/13/16 11:57am

      Trump did eventually marry Maples, two years later, but not until after she had his baby.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      nachotacoNed Frey
      5/13/16 12:12pm

      ....and he found out that she was gonna have great tits. The baby, that is.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    GeorgeGeoffersonLivesGabrielle Bluestone
    5/13/16 10:19am

    One of my favorite Catfishes:

    GIF
    GIF
    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      LittleJoeCartwrightWon'tVoteForTrumpGeorgeGeoffersonLives
      5/13/16 11:38am

      Slow Clap Guy! Another favorite is the foot fetish dude that kept asking when Max would show up. “Will he be at the reunion show?”

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      TheBestUEverHadGeorgeGeoffersonLives
      5/13/16 11:50am

      My favorite was that sleazeball basement dweller who played “sweepstakes” internet cafe games for a living who proclaimed himself King of the Catfish and gloated about ruining people’s lives for fun... until a day later when he realized the girl he was actually interested in had been contacted and he meekly apologized and completely changed his tune.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    Rom RombertsGabrielle Bluestone
    5/13/16 9:59am

    He’s like if two corporate brand logos fucked each other with their corporate logo genitalia and tiny little sperm trademark symbols infiltrated an egg that was also a corporate brand logo and then cells divided and divided until an unholy monster was born - a corporate brand logo that was covered in an eerie approximation of human flesh. Free from the confines of billboards or television commercials or packaging, this corporate brand logo made flesh continues vacuuming as much as it can into its shiny, smiling mouth.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      cheerful_exgirlfriendRom Romberts
      5/13/16 10:25am
      GIF
      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      SirIanMcKellenIsDangedTerrificRom Romberts
      5/13/16 10:32am

      If you wrote a book, I would buy it.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    XrdsAlumGabrielle Bluestone
    5/13/16 9:54am

    I don’t know how Sue Carswell didn’t start cracking up a minute into the conversation with this gold Sharpie wielding overgrown adolescent.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      WildNightsWildNightsXrdsAlum
      5/13/16 12:14pm

      Bless her for recording the call!

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      AudacityscapeXrdsAlum
      5/13/16 4:05pm

      Her “oh I’ve met him...” was a ridicule-laced delight.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    GeorgeGeoffersonLivesGabrielle Bluestone
    5/13/16 10:00am

    The hilarious thing is that he denied this on Today this morning and you could tell he was lying out his ass.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      not_productiveGeorgeGeoffersonLives
      5/13/16 10:27am

      I love that he just says it’s a scam of someone trying to sound like him and it doesn’t sound like him and it wasn’t him, and it was 25 years ago so who cares (as though he’s not going after Clinton for shit that happened 25 years ago).

      This is why I get pissed that news orgs let him call in. I would have LOVED to see his face when he got called on this.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      HellishHarlotnot_productive
      5/13/16 11:39am

      My husband was like... why the fuck would do many people want to impersonate him? And why would be gave allowed publications to quote these people? Wouldn’t he have spoken up if someone claiming to be an employee of his was going around speaking on his behalf? This is the lawsuit happiest guy on the planet.

      Reply
      <