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    KyuzoHudson Hongo
    5/02/16 9:17pm

    Have we stopped to consider the possibility that Cruz has mind control powers like Kilgrave? This would go a LONG way toward explaining why anyone would ever want him to be president.

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      dothedewKyuzo
      5/02/16 9:27pm

      If he does, his powers aren’t very strong, because very few people want him to be president, or even the nominee over Donald Trump.

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      Sorely Vexeddothedew
      5/02/16 9:35pm

      I actually saw a car with a Ted Cruz 2016 bumper sticker on the freeway a few months ago. I really wanted to stop the driver and ask “why?”

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    Crown_JewHudson Hongo
    5/02/16 9:10pm

    “I could shoot from the outside...”

    Sure you could, buddy. I guarantee you Ted Cruz dribbles by letting the ball bounce up to the level of his face and then slapping it back down with both hands simultaneously. And there’s no chance he could have played for 2.5 years in high school and thought it was called a basketball “ring”.

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      Endless Supply of CynicismCrown_Jew
      5/02/16 9:16pm

      Maybe that’s what it’s called on his home planet

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      stuckinthegreyswithyouCrown_Jew
      5/02/16 9:18pm

      I wonder why he played for 2.5 years? Does that mean he quit in the middle of the year? Is he running .5 of a campaign right now?

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    Masshole JamesHudson Hongo
    5/02/16 9:19pm
    GIF
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      kate_smashMasshole James
      5/02/16 9:42pm

      Underrated comment

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      PyramidHatMasshole James
      5/02/16 9:58pm

      My nose is burning just thinking about that...reminds me of the time I put apple cider vinegar in my neti pot.

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    WorldwideLeaderInPortsHudson Hongo
    5/02/16 9:35pm

    Who the hell was this guy’s competition when he was elected in Texas? I’m talking primary, because I can’t imagine a Dem had much of chance in that state. But the GOP must have had someone less fuckwaddish running against him at some point.

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      CharitybWorldwideLeaderInPorts
      5/02/16 10:49pm

      Cruz is a pretty good campaigner, as hard as it is to believe. I can totally see him riding the Tea party wave to a strong victory over some awkward incumbent or a Kasich-like establishment stooge. He has managed to come in a strong second place in the current primary, and he is probably the best campaigner in their field right now. Trump has him beat in actual voter support but Cruz can work the rules like a master and get out the vote. Honestly if Cruz had a better personality he could probably have won this whole thing.

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      GeorgeGeoffersonLivesWorldwideLeaderInPorts
      5/02/16 10:50pm

      It was truly a fuck-up for the ages. His opponent wasn’t a nobody, it was the lieutenant governor of the state of Texas.

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    LordBurleighHudson Hongo
    5/02/16 9:11pm

    “I’m not the best at aiming the rubber circle while on the hockey frozen water,” said some inept alien race’s attempt to take over the United States.

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      emooHudson Hongo
      5/02/16 9:24pm

      TrussTED!!

      GIF
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        clickSuckaemoo
        5/02/16 10:13pm

        Change the second “T” to an “S”

        Never mind... You got it!

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      Armageddon T. ThunderbirdHudson Hongo
      5/02/16 9:06pm

      See also;

      football lawn
      baseball base garden
      ping pong credenza

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        sui_generisArmageddon T. Thunderbird
        5/02/16 9:54pm

        baseball rink

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      StoncilsHudson Hongo
      5/02/16 9:17pm

      I remember seeing him play varsity basketball in college. It was really awkward, for the most part. Every time he went to take a shot, every member of both teams would freeze and swivel in place, tracking his position as he tried to make a basket. They couldn’t move until he could and it took many tries each time it was really embarrassing.

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        Masshole JamesStoncils
        5/02/16 9:35pm

        I choose to believe that this is true.

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      WhiteCherryHudson Hongo
      5/02/16 9:47pm

      “I could shoot from the outside, but I never got close.”

      Said the Zodiac Killer.

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        det-devil-ailsHudson Hongo
        5/02/16 11:13pm

        This man is running for President and Little Richard is rumored to be on his deathbed. How did America become so uncool?

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