Kinja reply list

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JessaminaAimée Lutkin
4/30/16 12:12pm
I hope they get the prayers they need for comfort, but also I hope the government invests more money in domestic violence intervention. There’s almost always an escalation in threats and violence so there may be warning signs, but the authorities often can’t act on them until it’s too late. Domestic abuse is a unique type of crime and to tackle it there needs to be unique resources and legal systems available.
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  Flamingo83Jessamina
  4/30/16 12:16pm
  There needs to be more education on it period. A lot of people still victim blame and that “Why didn’t she just leave?” is still tossed around.
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  Mr.Noir, Liberal Hippie KingJessamina
  4/30/16 12:19pm
  Your comment about the government got me thinking about the sexual assault and abuse epidemic in India. Instead of educating the populace about sexual assault/abuse and why it’s wrong and actually teaching and encouraging policemen to ACTUALLY FUCKING DO SOMETHING besides judge a victim when she reports an assault, the government is instead adding a panic button to everyone’s phone. I know that’s just the kind of band aid we’ve come to expect from society but it’s no less infuriating.
  
  Here’s the report if anyone’s interested. I can’t be held responsible if you have a rage stroke.
  
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Mr.Noir, Liberal Hippie KingAimée Lutkin
4/30/16 12:16pm
My girlfriend recently treated a man who killed his girlfriend, hid her body in a dumpster 2 blocks away, then winged a detective who came to arrest him. He was shot himself a few times but survived. Why are these horrific crimes so common? How can people be this fucking toxic?
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  BelleoftheBallotMr.Noir, Liberal Hippie King
  4/30/16 12:24pm
  If you ever figure out how sociopaths/psychopaths are created, let me know. They mystify me.
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  deerlady83Mr.Noir, Liberal Hippie King
  4/30/16 12:26pm
  They don’t see other people as important or valuable. They don't realize other people matter and have their own lives going on. They just see them as things or tools.
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Flamingo83Aimée Lutkin
4/30/16 12:13pm
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1 800 799 7233
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  Lannister HandjobFlamingo83
  4/30/16 12:18pm
  Bump! ⭐️
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  $7CoffeeFlamingo83
  4/30/16 12:31pm
  blast that everywhere
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MayotonillaAimée Lutkin
4/30/16 12:48pm
There was an article in the New York Times a few weeks ago (also on a Saturday) about a young woman in the Bronx killed by her ex-husband with a knife with their two kids in the apartment. In the article they mentioned that the Bronx has a high incidence of domestic violence homicides. THIS is the danger American women face every day. THIS, not refugees, not immigrants, not trans women, not free trade agreements, not fetal research. The danger American women face every day is at home and we should do something about it.
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  MayotonillaMayotonilla
  4/30/16 12:50pm
  The article. http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/04/10/nyr...
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  MayotonillaMayotonilla
  4/30/16 12:51pm
  A warning. If you notallmen me I’ll dismiss you so don’t even bother.
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randilynisFINDILYNAimée Lutkin
4/30/16 12:07pm
The details are horrifying.
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  deerlady83randilynisFINDILYN
  4/30/16 12:17pm
  It really is.
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  eugene levy's eyebrowsrandilynisFINDILYN
  4/30/16 12:19pm
  Completely terrible. :( Her poor family. Ugh, her poor babies.
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SharBBAimée Lutkin
4/30/16 1:59pm
When I was 15, I was raped and beaten and nearly strangled to death in my living room by my ex-boyfriend. He was a lot older than I was, extremely jealous, and just...mean. He’d been out to sea (he was in the Navy) and returned to discover that I’d had a new boyfriend.

When I tried to report it, the questions I received were not what I expected.

“Why were you dating someone so much older than you?”
“Didn’t you know that dating someone else was going to get him mad?”
“If you knew what kind of person he was, why did you open the door to him?
“What were you wearing?”
“Did he say he was sorry after?”

Full disclosure: I had been sexually abused as a child, was diagnosed with clinical depression, and had gone through years of counseling and therapy. I had already accepted that being sexually assaulted was NOT my fault and believed - naively - that the police would always help.

Well, they didn’t. Neither did his CO.

To them, I was young, I wanted a “sugar daddy”, I was “asking for it”, I “liked the attention”, I “will know better next time”, and so on.

My mother actually LIKED my ex, so she didn’t try to pursue charges and in fact denied everything that happened, claiming that the bruises and cuts were as a result of my self-harm due to my depression and that I was only making those claims because I was “mad” that he had been gone for such a long time. Add on the fact that our state at the time had a consent age of 14 and, well, the end result is that he went on to be free from the consequences of his actions whereas I suffered from an unwanted pregnancy, abuse and ridicule from my mother, a self-induced abortion, years of nightmares and self-hate, a distrust of men, multiple suicide attempts, and just being overwhelmingly fucked up.

My life is infinitely better now, and on the onset, you’d never know what kind of damage I’ve endured, but whenever I hear about things like this, whenever I see the faces of women and girls who didn’t survive the horrors of domestic violence, I’m immediately drawn back to that day, lying on my living room floor, feeling that heavy, hairy arm pressing on my neck, feeling the blows to my head, my abdomen, my legs, my back, feeling the unwanted penetration to my virgin body, and hearing the hateful words in my ears. Because no matter how much time has gone by, no matter where it happens or to whom it happens, I am that victim, and that victim is me.

And I die all over again.

May this woman’s family get the justice I never did.
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  SheeshTheseNamesSharBB
  4/30/16 3:19pm
  I am so sorry this happened to you. I’m glad you’ve gotten help; you sound like a very “together” person, just from this little snippet. I hope that asshole rots in hell.
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  thewicked.SharBB
  5/01/16 4:56pm
  Jesus fucking christ, I want to set your ex on fire. Piece of shit human being. And your mom’s a peach, too. I am so sorry and so glad you’re in a better place now.
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Mr.Noir, Liberal Hippie KingAimée Lutkin
4/30/16 12:14pm
I don’t even know what to say. I’m sorry for the family and pray the dickless asshole who killed her pays for it. The fact that these as well as reports of mass shootings and police brutality are so common makes me sick. That poor poor woman....
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  Hoyo AfrikaMr.Noir, Liberal Hippie King
  4/30/16 12:39pm
  It’s common because violence against women, children, the elderly, black people, gay people, trans people, the disabled and immigrants is acceptable. Our societies (including post-colonial ones) endure violence because they use it as a marker of who they are. Every nation on Earth prides itself on a violent struggle against oppression. Violence is also used as a way to ensure the supremacy of the heterosexual male and his family unit. Anything that threatens this family unit (homosexuals, feminists, abortions, black dick, etc) must be vanquished or kept at bay with sporadic violence. Religion then comes in and sanctions it as a Godly.
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  Mr.Noir, Liberal Hippie KingHoyo Afrika
  4/30/16 12:44pm
  And then a one of 2 major political parties adopts that way of thinking and enforces policy to ensure its survival.
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BelleoftheBallotAimée Lutkin
4/30/16 12:21pm
Terrifying. Instead of dumb bathroom and other transphobic legislation being passed at the state level, can we get to passing some stronger bills like what they passed recently in the UK (http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-351922... )to intervene, prosecute and help prevent assholes like this guy from throwing their partner off bridges?

We need model legislation put forth either at the state level or pass stronger federal laws but with Congress gridlocked, it’s not as likely until after the election. Thoughts from people who are better versed in domestic violence policy and the differences in the states v federal statutes? What’s our best course of action to help police deal with these perpetrators rather than telling abused people to just file a restraining order that will do squat? It seems to me that many states don’t take domestic violence seriously and it’s past time for us to change that. Lives are at stake.
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  qdanielsBelleoftheBallot
  4/30/16 1:08pm
  Recently I sat in a small county court courtroom in the middle of NOWHERE, Mississippi. (I was there for an extremely pedestrian hearing on a civil case). Ahead of me was this small woman and her parents (no legal representation) asking the judge for a restraining order on the woman’s ex-boyfriend, who was about to get out of prison in another state (aggravated assault on someone else) and who had been stalking her on social media and was pressuring his own sister to “friend” her on FB and report. (Instead— GOD BLESS HER— she called the woman’s parents, the only contact she could manage, and warned them). The judge was asking all kinds of questions, actually trying to figure out how to get identifying information on this guy to the local law enforcement; he asked about any other “contacts” this guy may have in the area, where they lived; any connection he might have to the school, etc. It was completely terrifying, and this judge was actually, you know, trying to do more than just “here’s your paper.” That was the indication that the judge, even in this backwater, had some idea about how ineffectual a restraining order was in practically all of these situations. Unfortunately, we (Big “We” as I realize there are people working endlessly every day) tend to only have to even face this whole situation when there’s a woman’s body tied to a concrete boulder in a lake.
  
  I have NO IDEA what all is needed to make any of this any less of a plague. But it is a plague, and what is in place is not working.
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  recidiviciousBelleoftheBallot
  4/30/16 1:30pm
  The GOP in my state are now starting to make noises about bathroom legislation and it makes me so angry because they don’t really care about women or our safety. They’re trying to use us to make a dumb asshole point, when if they really gave a fuck about us they’d stop attacking women’s health organizations and they would do something about DV.
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BluecatAimée Lutkin
4/30/16 1:54pm
I'm assuming this happened in Fort Worth, Texas (where there is a "Lake Worth" and CBSDFW is tagged). I'm in Dallas, why hasn't this been on the news? This is the first I'm hearing about it. Meanwhile, Missy the trainer's murder is all over the news. Why is domestic violence not in the news on the same level as a murder by a stranger?
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  Fuzzy SocksBluecat
  4/30/16 2:23pm
  I'm in DFW and I've seen this on the news quite a bit. Nothing near the coverage Missy has gotten though.
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  Desperate for a Shag GilesBluecat
  4/30/16 2:52pm
  I’d hazard a pessimistic guess that it’s because the victim is Hispanic. And perhaps poor(er). I work at crime scenes in a large city in Texas and I can tell you which ones will get media coverage and which ones won’t almost immediately. It all falls in line. Hmph.
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Vaginafication NationAimée Lutkin
4/30/16 1:50pm
When are women going to take psychopathy seriously? When are they going to take entitlement seriously? There’s no ‘therapy’, there’s no cure. You cannot ‘teach’ someone to care about something that has no value. Women/children have no value, you understand?
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  Cestrumnocturn1Vaginafication Nation
  4/30/16 3:52pm
  We women understand this shit just fine. Unfortunately men, especially those in the police departments, courts, and legislation, do not “get” this.
  
  #YesAllWomen
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  dunkinbronutsVaginafication Nation
  4/30/16 4:37pm
  IT IS NOT WOMEN’S FAULT THAT MEN ABUSE THEM.
  
  Also, leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship. It is statistically the time where she is most in danger of being murdered by her partner.
  
  So.
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