Kinja reply list

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Rom RombertsSam Biddle
4/28/16 9:30am
“My favorite Ted Cruz story is the time he tried to lay his egg sacs in a tree that was just too young. Thing was, he couldn’t inject the eggs deep enough into the tree and the tree didn’t have the kind of mature bark you need to protect the eggs from predators. Well, wouldn’t you know it, this goon spends nearly all July digging at this tree with his mandibles and slugging these eggs down through his proboscis into the flesh of the tree and he’s proud about it, rubbing his hind legs together and making this sickening whirring noise the whole time. He gets finished and perches himself on a branch to shed his skin and this Blue Jay, just a common Blue Jay comes over and just immediately gets to work pecking at the tree where millions of his eggs were and poof, just like that, a summer’s work is gone. Cruz is furious, we’re all laughing, it was great times. Hell of a stinger though on that little freak.”
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  ThatFatScatCat fucking loves muddy puddlesRom Romberts
  4/28/16 9:33am
  Lol Fuck. I believe this.
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  AnthrodivaRom Romberts
  4/28/16 9:38am
  Best thing ever.....
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FlazloSam Biddle
4/28/16 9:40am
The idea that Cruz is going to finagle the nomination is laughable. Assuming “The Establishment” can arrange a contested convention, they would still pay a political price for it (a disenchanted base, depressed turnout amongst the base, a lack of enthusiasm, etc).

The biggest problem with Trump is that he’s an embarrassing jackass and he’ll probably lose. Why pay that price to replace him with Cruz, who might also end up being embarrassing, will probably lose, and is someone they really, really hate?

It’s like you have to eat poison, but you can eat a poisoned sundae or a poisoned turd. You pick the sundae.
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  JustTheTippiHedrenFlazlo
  4/28/16 9:45am
  I think their thinking is that if Trump runs this time, they still have to deal with Cruz in 2020. But if Trump flops this time he won’t get it back up for 2020, and Cruz will be neutralized. So, they have a better chance of improving things for 2020 if Cruz gets the shot this time. They know they’re losing either way, but two birds one stone if Cruz is the nominee.
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  j4x_Flazlo
  4/28/16 10:29am
  Personally I’m amazed at the brazen discussion of stealing the nomination outright among the Republican elite.
  
  Listen, Donald Trump is lower than the most raging, pustulating anal fissure.
  
  YET if he wins by the established rules, he won. That’s how this shit is supposed to work.
  
  These casual interviews about how they can consciously manipulate the remaining states to stack the deck like chess pieces...it is horrific.
  
  /the Bernie/Clinton divide could sour X10 by the convention and not match this level of cray-cray
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lewis55number2Sam Biddle
4/28/16 9:22am
Quote is great, yadda yadda yadda. But what are the ethics of Stanford’s paper here reporting verbatim quotes from an event that the speaker was explicitly and publicly told by the organizer was off the record? The student reporter even reports that he opened up because he was told it was off the record and then proceeds to quote him a single sentence later in her article! I imagine he’s pretty steamed right now. Or is this where journalism is going?
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  spootenheimerlewis55number2
  4/28/16 9:26am
  He said “not being broadcast”, not “off the record”.
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  smrknd2lewis55number2
  4/28/16 9:27am
  I don’t think he was told it was off-record, just that it wasn’t being live broadcasted or video-recorded for later broadcast.
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BleedingFromHerWhereverSam Biddle
4/28/16 9:24am
I never thought I’d say this, but that characterization is insulting and dangerously unfair to Lucifer. Nothing is worse than Ted Cruz. In fact, that’s the only reason Ted Cruz is still alive: nobody in the afterlife wants to take him.

*Editor’s Note: Fuck Ted Cruz.
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  ReverandRichardWayneGaryWayneBleedingFromHerWherever
  4/28/16 9:27am
  Yeah, what the fuck did Lucifer ever do to John Boehner?
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  IanBleedingFromHerWherever
  4/28/16 9:36am
  Right? I feel like I’d rather party with the devil than Ted McCarthy Cruz.
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flamingolingoSam Biddle
4/28/16 9:41am
John Boehner and Lindsey Graham have become the Statler and Waldorf of this primary season.
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  helgaperezflamingolingo
  4/28/16 9:47am
  So sad that the current crop of Republicans makes John Boehner and Lindsey “Giggles” Graham look reasonable and approachable by comparison.
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  SeaBeastRisingflamingolingo
  4/28/16 9:48am
  They should really start a podcast.
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Wayward ApologySam Biddle
4/28/16 9:47am
I wonder what the odds are that Cruz will ever sit down and examine why almost everyone on earth that has ever had a prolonged interaction with him hates his guts that doesn’t involve a persecution complex.

I mean slim I guess but can you imagine being reviled by pretty much everyone constantly, that has to be draining.
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  BaggyTrousers3Wayward Apology
  4/28/16 9:53am
  Knowing him, he’ll just chalk it up to people not being as near to God as he is and they can’t stand the glow of his everlasting love and mercy and blah blah blah...
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  mountain_runnerWayward Apology
  4/28/16 9:56am
  He’sthat rare breed of asshole who sees it as a badge of honor.
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IAMBlastedBiggsLostBurnerSam Biddle
4/28/16 9:24am
I agree, John—he really is what happens when Lucifer fucks a fish. Well played, dude!
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  Hip Brooklyn StereotypeIAMBlastedBiggsLostBurner
  4/28/16 9:26am
  More Blobfish jokes!
  
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  IAMBlastedBiggsLostBurnerHip Brooklyn Stereotype
  4/28/16 9:30am
  OUR APPETITE IS INSATIABLE!!
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Sluicer's ghostSam Biddle
4/28/16 9:25am
Well, Ted does have '666' on his scrotum, so yeah... let the Cruzifixion of the deviants begin!
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  AnonymousCivilPersonSluicer's ghost
  4/28/16 9:29am
  And you know this.....
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  SpazfromTexasSluicer's ghost
  4/28/16 9:33am
  Go to your room! Just wait till your father gets home, you will not get dinner!
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derduhderduhderduhSam Biddle
4/28/16 9:22am
I called it when he quit: He will present himself as the answer at the convention.
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  Charitybderduhderduhderduh
  4/28/16 12:20pm
  No way. The party is like a halfway house for maniacs, zealous, and people who always wanted to be serial killers but thought it was too easy. I can't imagine that Boehner would ever consider coming back even if he was guaranteed the Presidency; quitting his old job probably added 15 years to his life expectancy.
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  SaintClarence27derduhderduhderduh
  4/28/16 1:48pm
  People will definitely jump in.
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Masshole JamesSam Biddle
4/28/16 9:32am
Ask yourself: What was the last good thing that happened to Ted Cruz?

Well, he’s got the love and support of his lovely family.

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The respect of his fellow Republicans.

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And a handsome and approachable face. The man is blessed.
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  gingerhammeredMasshole James
  4/28/16 12:05pm
  Maybe it’s because he’s jowly as fuck or has a tiny head (?) relative to the rest of his body but he looks considerably taller than 5'8". But, wouldn’t you know it, he’s not. He’s just a chubby, average sized dude who does the Houston big firm lawyer/all hat no cattle move of wearing boots with a suit. He wears them to look cool but also to bump up closer to 5'10".
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  AndThenTheresMaude loves StamosMasshole James
  4/28/16 12:50pm
  #blessed
  #wokeuplikethis
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