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    TRUMP DELENDUS EST (fka Chatham Harrison)Hudson Hongo
    4/27/16 12:00am

    Hey ISIS, y’all can keep promising the apocalyptic battle royale between ISIS and the West that results in the birth of a new Caliphate, but that’s no excuse for failing to provide matching contributions to your employees’ 401(k)s.

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      Jerry-NetherlandTRUMP DELENDUS EST (fka Chatham Harrison)
      4/27/16 12:09am

      They were probably promised generous defined benefit pensions in exchange for salary concessions (knowing that the company would never have to pay out a dime).

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      dothedewTRUMP DELENDUS EST (fka Chatham Harrison)
      4/27/16 12:09am

      Matching contributions? I don’t even get that.

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    dothedewHudson Hongo
    4/26/16 11:58pm

    I wonder what the penalty is for filing a false medical report? Do they have any offenses that aren’t punishable by death?

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      ArmchairSophistdothedew
      4/27/16 12:20am

      Atrocious facial hair.

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      dengeatseggdropdothedew
      4/27/16 12:59am

      First offense is a stern verbal warning. Then they rape your sister.

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    dothedewHudson Hongo
    4/26/16 11:58pm

    Are they at least keeping the foosball tables and the free gogurts?

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      Psychopomps: Taking Gawker to the Great Blog in the Skydothedew
      4/27/16 12:03am

      Gogurt? No wonder their morale has gone down so much.

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      CatdogWhispererdothedew
      4/27/16 12:32am

      Yeah right, they aren’t falling for your sinful western “gogurt” shit buddy. They know...

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    Hollow_LogHudson Hongo
    4/26/16 11:59pm

    How do you get a doctor’s note to get you out of work when your job is killing yourself?

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      dothedewHollow_Log
      4/27/16 12:03am

      The patient’s will to live is strong.

      Signed,

      Doctor

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      As Above, So BelowHollow_Log
      4/27/16 12:45am

      Patient is unable to jihad due to severe foot infection.

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    suppiluliumasHudson Hongo
    4/27/16 1:56am

    What a bunch of schmucks.

    Tamimi is always worth reading.

    Wilayat al-Kheir, by the way, is what Daesh renamed the Deir Ezzor region in Syria a couple of years ago. So don’t ever call it that. Just call it Deir Ezzor.

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      amgarresuppiluliumas
      4/27/16 7:34am

      You seem to know a lot about ISIS. Are you just a subscriber to Dabiq or have you actually spent time in Syria?

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      suppiluliumasamgarre
      4/30/16 3:52am

      I’ve read Dabiq on and off. When it first appeared, I checked it out and got a laugh out of how bad its overall design was. Shitty layout aside, I of course expected to see a celebratory spin on examples of Daesh savagery I already knew of, and sure enough.... When the second issue came out, there still some some clumsy pages, but overall it was laid out better, and the article “The Flood of the Mubahala” was pretty interesting given events in the jihadi world at that time.

      Its fourth issue was noteworthy because Daesh supporters online had been denying reports that Daesh was taking Yazidi women as sex slaves, and suddenly here’s Dabiq issuing confirmation and sick justification for that very thing. The 180 Daeshbags on social media did was astonishing. They went overnight from “The Islamic State would never do something as sick as sexually enslaving women, and anyone who slanders them by saying that deserves to be killed” to “It’s wonderful that the IS is sexually enslaving women, and any Muslim who opposes it is an apostate and deserves to be killed.” Sociopaths, every one of them.

      And so on. In future issues of Dabiq’s virtual pages came criticism of Taliban and Al-Qaeda leaders, gleeful coverage of the capture of Muath Al-Kasasbeh (the Jordanian pilot those sons of bitches burned alive), a description of AQ/Nusra as outright apostates, whining about Jews, and so on.

      But most of what is known about Daesh doesn’t come from the pages of Dabiq, of course, and no, I don’t subscribe (I mean, it’s an online “magazine,” so you can’t really do that anyway).

      I love Syria and hope my family’s homes can be rebuilt there someday. Death to Assad, to Daesh, and to Al-Qaeda. They can all burn in hell.

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    GeorgeGeoffersonLivesHudson Hongo
    4/27/16 12:47am

    “To the doctor brothers in Wilayat al-Kheir,” reads the memo. “We remind you that the medical report is tantamount to a witness statement and any doctor whose report we discover to be untrue will be held to account.”

    Translation: “We’ll fucking cut off your hands, and you know we’re not kidding.”

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      phunkshunGeorgeGeoffersonLives
      4/27/16 12:20pm

      I know, right??! It’s sort of funny/scary that even they couch menacing shit in completely bland business-speak.

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    dothedewHudson Hongo
    4/27/16 12:01am

    Also got a doctor’s note to avoid fighting

    Sad.

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      qdanielsdothedew
      4/27/16 12:07am

      Starred (in part) for “Sad.” I do feel certain the note from Trump’s doctor was well-written. A really, really, well-written, etc., etc.

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    notharrisonhoulihanHudson Hongo
    4/26/16 11:56pm

    Bureaucracy has reached the stone age.

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      GeorgeGeoffersonLivesnotharrisonhoulihan
      4/27/16 12:50am

      Where do you think it originally came from? lol

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      suppiluliumasnotharrisonhoulihan
      4/27/16 2:09am

      You have no idea. They keep extensive records and love making people fill out forms. Seriously, they have forms for every damn thing.

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    jjv909Hudson Hongo
    4/27/16 12:16am

    A 50% pay cut? Maybe that’s why they were so lackluster at the recent charity softball match against Boko Haram.

    Way to keep the morale up, Mr. al-BigDaddy.

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      Jerry-Netherlandjjv909
      4/27/16 12:30am

      The game’s never been as good as the 1975 finals between the Baader Meinhof Gang and the Symbianese Liberation Army. Good times.

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      hanging gardensjjv909
      4/27/16 12:59am

      “Only 36 virgins?!”

      Not worth it- turn to page 48

      o thank god- turn to page 117

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    Bryan LevyHudson Hongo
    4/27/16 12:05am

    Dear Mr. Qatar,

    Please excuse Mohammed from war today. He has flaming hemmorhoids.

    Signed,

    Epstein’s Mother

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      Just another GawkfugeeBryan Levy
      4/27/16 7:18am

      +5 Rubber Hose points

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      celer.aquaJust another Gawkfugee
      4/27/16 9:41am

      And +5 Horshack laughs.

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