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sybannMaya West
4/26/16 1:52pm
Got aggravated at a family member who said, “So? I didn’t know him.” But I do understand where that’s coming from. I did know people who DID know him (professionally) and my first instinct was to reach out and comfort.
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  Rooo sez BISH PLZsybann
  4/26/16 5:00pm
  thanks boo
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  rampantwhistlersybann
  4/26/16 5:03pm
  My response to not understanding grief over the loss of an artist is to remind people of what art IS: it is an expression of thoughts and ideas and emotions that are bigger than the physical or visual or aural space they inhabit. It is both a part of and independent of the artist. Art means something to the people who consume it, and the moment they experience it, it is translated into something that is personal to that individual. It becomes a part of who they are. It’s no wonder, then, that the artist becomes a larger-than-life figure who becomes a tangible placeholder for our intangible feelings about who and why we are and what is important to us. We turn to these people to speak for us when we cannot speak for ourselves. And when one such artist who has been our voice leaves us. . . it’s as though we’ve been silenced. There’s a terrible finality in the realization that all we have from that artist is now all we will EVER have.
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TheVageniusMaya West
4/26/16 1:27pm
Ah. Another member of the prematurely dead parents club. As someone who has a similar lack of charity around grief because of my own unarticulated loss, I really appreciated this article. Funny how tears come more easily for someone you didn't know personally but felt connected to nonetheless.
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  IrisJTheVagenius
  4/26/16 1:50pm
  My mother died when I was 32 and my bio dad, whom I really didn’t know, died when I was a teen.
  
  Does it sound terrible to say that I’m ultimately relieved I don’t have to deal with aging/sick parent issues? Having my mom until I was 32 seemed, in a big-picture kind of way, like just the right amount of time. I was a fully functioning adult. She was only in her early 60s when she died, and I got a taste of what it might be like to care for her in her older years (long story, mental illness involved, although she was a wonderful woman and mostly stable throughout my childhood and early adulthood), and I’m just glad I don’t have to do it. It sucks for both parties in that situation; there is little positive to be said about it.
  
  I look at my friends whose parents are starting to age and become a “burden,” and I don’t envy them getting a few more years with them just so they can start to go through that extremely painful experience.
  
  Am I an asshole? Or does everyone who loses BOTH parents at an early age secretly (or not so secretly) feel this sense of extreme freedom?
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  CalamityJane2IrisJ
  4/26/16 2:25pm
  I’m an awful person too. My Dad was just diagnosed with a heart issue, and if he doesn’t have surgery in the next three years, he’ll probably die. I’m gutted at the thought, but part of is me is okay with it being a quick, harmless death because his ticker ran out vs. agonizing over some awful battle with cancer. I’ve had friends who’ve lost fathers in both ways, and the cancer looks far, far worse than the unexpected death.
  
  I got divorced last year, and I’m in this place where noone and nothing last forever, and it makes it difficult to connect to anyone. I love my new boyfriend to pieces, but at some point we’ll either break up or one of us will die. I’m really torn up about that.
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rubyred1212Maya West
4/26/16 1:41pm
This was a gorgeous piece of writing. I can definitely relate to a lot that’s here (huge Prince fan, lost my dad too early, etc.), but this part...

“I am kind of an asshole, at rest, with an innate tendency to dismiss as indulgence any show of emotion that feels inconvenient or uncomfortable to witness, anything that could be categorized as “dramatic.”

THAT is so spot on. I too share this tendency, and it’s made so much worse by the fact that people can blast their dramatic displays for the whole world to see via social media. I alway try to remind myself that Grief is a beast, and it rears its ugly head differently for everyone.
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  BoomChakraLokarubyred1212
  4/26/16 4:15pm
  This is me too!
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crucifictorious916Maya West
4/26/16 1:37pm
<3 I'm sorry for your loss, Maya.

I am a super duper hugiant Tori Amos fan. I discovered her music after both my grandparents died less than a year apart, and she got me through the terrible four years that came after (my parents got divorced, my mother attempted suicide, my father went to rehab...it was bad). She’s gotten me through my LIFE. A friend of mine remarked, when we were processing the awful news about Prince, “god if we’re sad about this one, can you imagine what would happen if TORI DIED?” and the very thought made me choke up. I froze even thinking about it. And weirdly, it made me feel sad for all the other things I feel sad about.

The bad shit that happens to us in our life is bad, the grief we grieve for those closest to us never goes away, it is profound and it is forever. But the grief we feel for the artists that got us through that grief is something else. It’s this meta grief...it’s a strange thing. I think the collectiveness of it does create a salve, and since we can’t own the grief over a celebrity, it’s easier to process. But it’s a tremendous loss. Prince was really a tremendous loss.
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  IrisJcrucifictorious916
  4/26/16 1:43pm
  Not “if” Tori died — “when Tori dies.” Unless, of course, you die before she does. But it’s an absolute that Tori will die, not an “if.”
  
  I like that the author actually pointed out that this piece could be seen as a truly hyperbolic reaction to a stranger’s (or anyone’s) death. Death is the most human thing that can happen to anyone, yet we’re always blindsided by it.
  
  It’s truly bizarre, but I think a lot of it has to do with the general death-avoidance in our culture. We don’t like to talk about it, think about it, deal with it — so then, when it inevitably happens to someone we love or admire, we’re gutted. If we accepted death more easily from the get-go, this would likely not be the case.
  
  Someday we’ll all be exactly where Prince is — although, of course, the vast majority of us will be lucky to have maybe 20 people in the world who really give a shit. ;) Ah, well.
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DevonnaMaya West
4/26/16 7:49pm
A lot of living in the Twin Cities makes me uneasy: the latent racism in our culture, the interminable winters, among them. But I am grateful that I can share my grief with the state. That Minnesotans mourn him as not just a musical giant but as a neighbor and friend. Thank you for sharing your grief with us. I am sorry for your loss; you are not alone.
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SodburgerMaya West
4/26/16 1:23pm
Maya, this was a really great piece of writing and I wish you success in your program. I too like to drink a lot on Wednesday evenings and I also like Prince, but not at the level of you, let alone R or F. Your party sounds like it will be fun.

- Fellow Michigander & selfie taker (although I prefer the “cool tones” filter on snapchat)
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everyoneiscrazyexceptmeimnormalMaya West
4/26/16 4:08pm
I applaud your ability to make Prince’s death about you.
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  QuantocksMegaDealeveryoneiscrazyexceptmeimnormal
  4/26/16 5:41pm
  Oh JFC. Go away.
  
  Lord forbid someone talk about how they’re processing something.
  
  I for one am searching out articles like this right now so I don’t feel like such a freak for being as sad as I am about it. Thanks for your story, Maya.
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  everyoneiscrazyexceptmeimnormalQuantocksMegaDeal
  4/26/16 6:11pm
  There’s talking about it, which I’ve done with friends and likely every other prince fan, and there’s writing this unbelievably self involved, wordy ass blog post about how much more of a prince fan the author was than anyone else. Differentiate.
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SpongyFrogMaya West
4/26/16 4:21pm
How many pivotal moments in your life involved his music?

I made out with a girl and touched a breast for the first time while listening to Side A of Purple Rain. This was in 1988, when the discs had two sides.
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summerishereMaya West
4/26/16 2:32pm
“I came to see that a lot of this pain had become me choosing not to try and heal, working to keep it all fresh. It was me wanting the hurt to keep going, stay alive. Because as long as it still hurt it still mattered. As long as I wasn’t okay, his death still meant something.”

Thank you for writing this. I won’t say more than I totally get it. Peace be with you.
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JustAnotherSnowflakeMaya West
4/26/16 6:06pm
Amazing piece Maya. Anyone who can communicate their pain and vulnerability so honestly can not be an asshole. John Lennon was killed when I was 16 and he was my hero. Changed the way I viewed the world. I gained new insights about that grief reading your story that hadn’t occurred to me in all these years.

Keeping writing. I’m looking forward to reading more of your work. And brace yourself for a deluge of “tell-all” nonsense about Prince. If you’ve been inspired and thrilled and comforted by his music then you know the truth about him that matters.
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