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    Rom RombertsHamilton Nolan
    4/14/16 11:33am

    Me: That was a fantastic workout. We have to fix the economy.

    (thunderclap high five to my friend)

    Friend: I really goosed my neck extender muscles. But yeah. The economy MUST be fixed, bro.

    (thunderclap high five)

    Me: Another month of this and I’ll be down to a size 2, men’s. I think the environment is important as well. It’s something we should take care of, you know?

    (thunderclap high five, we are now naked and standing in toilets, which is normal)

    Friend: Exactly, bro. Greenland is EVAPORATING like the fat around my knees!

    (thunderclap high five, we flush the toilets and go home)

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      puncha yo bunsRom Romberts
      4/14/16 11:40am

      “Size 2, men’s” is everything. Would have starred for that alone.

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      A SPOOKY GHOST!Rom Romberts
      4/14/16 11:40am

      are you my workout buddy? please don’t post our convos on kinja >:(

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    Dave Hamilton Nolan
    4/14/16 11:33am

    Usually it’s just guys trying not to make eye contact with each other’s junk. You don’t need words for that.

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      KinjaNinjaOnABinjaDave
      4/14/16 11:37am

      If your eye is coming in contact with someone else’s junk in the locker room, you are definitely doing it wrong.

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      DuddyKravitzDave
      4/14/16 11:39am

      Really? So how do they “bag tag” without looking at the other dude’s junk? This locker room stuff is REALLY weird.

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    The noble houseHamilton Nolan
    4/14/16 12:34pm

    One of the reasons i stayed out of my locker room in high school, which was a bastion of millionaires and billionaires, was because that is exactly the kind of talk that went on, and since i didnt kiss a girl until i was 16 i felt very embarassed and started wearing shorts under my pants on gym days.

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      flamingolingoThe noble house
      4/14/16 12:43pm

      This reads like Bernie Sanders fan fic.

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      The noble houseflamingolingo
      4/14/16 12:49pm

      Eiww, im not a fan of his. He keeps banging on the door screaming why dont you understand im whats best for you while not realizing hes never done anything thay backs that claim up

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    Bad Boy of CatanHamilton Nolan
    4/14/16 11:31am

    I went to all male, catholic, military school for middle school and high school. There was a tradition that when the varsity football team lost a game, they would all jerk off in the gang showers afterwards.

    And for some reason, I—who never jerked off in a school shower—was the one called faggot.

    Heteros, man.

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      Masshole JamesBad Boy of Catan
      4/14/16 11:35am

      It’s not gay if they didn’t make eye contact.

      GIF
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      puncha yo bunsBad Boy of Catan
      4/14/16 11:38am

      Can do you one gayer. I went to an all boys Jesuit Catholic school and there were several instances of athletes getting “caught” fucking around with each other in the bathrooms/locker rooms. But the one or two kids that were ballsy enough to actually come out in that strictly religious, super-macho environment were routinely ostracized and bullied/tormented by these same kids.

      People just need time, I think. High-schoolers are real assholes.

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    GrizzlyAdamsBeardHamilton Nolan
    4/14/16 11:30am

    Locker room talk for men is usually silence.

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      cferejohnGrizzlyAdamsBeard
      4/14/16 11:34am

      That’s my experience. I can count on 0 fingers how many conversations I’ve had with male friends about sex, in or out of locker rooms.

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      AproposOfNothingGrizzlyAdamsBeard
      4/14/16 11:39am

      Sweet, sweet silence.

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    ThenSAHamilton Nolan
    4/14/16 11:32am

    Sorry Hamilton, that is locker room talk.

    You probably had difficulty hearing it with your head in a flushing toilet.

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      Arctic16ThenSA
      4/14/16 12:07pm

      Great kinja right here, folks.

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      Sluicer's ghostThenSA
      4/14/16 12:45pm

      You win

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    boaboaboatengtengtengHamilton Nolan
    4/14/16 12:54pm

    Honestly, I’m not surprised Stephen Marche wrote this, because he wrote arguably the single worst article I've ever read.

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      InfinityAeroboaboaboatengtengteng
      4/14/16 1:34pm

      Dear God, how can one man be so completely clueless? Ignorance is no excuse... that was pure drivel, through and through, filled with false equivalencies, unsupportable statements, and dripping with self-loathing.

      Thanks for sharing, that article is really a window into what kind of person is that scummy in locker rooms... the answer is not “all men,” I can sure as hell assure you of that. Most guys don’t even plan “group workout sessions” or attend classes— so who the hell is he even talking to; himself? Glad to know I can discount any future drivel from this imbecil.

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      boaboaboatengtengtengInfinityAero
      4/14/16 1:37pm

      He lives in a bubble in Toronto, that’s how he can be so clueless.

      (Also, it’s notable that this is one of the articles The Graun isn’t allowing you to comment on, as it’s a part of their new series about how bad the Internet is. Still not the worst article in this series—that’d be today’s woe-is-me piece from Jessica Valenti, who does get a fair amount of abuse from gobshites but she does a lot of conflating “criticism” (which if you’ve read her, holy cats she could use it) with “abuse”.)

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    RappingNinjaHamilton Nolan
    4/14/16 11:43am

    ACTUAL LOCKER ROOM TALK

    Dude 1: “Thanks for coming out.”

    Dude 2: “Yeah, I needed to do this. So fucking tired now.”

    Dude 1: “Me too. Going home for a drink and a nap. You watching Game of Thrones this week?”

    Dude 2: “You know it.”

    Dude 1: “Walking Dead sucks now.”

    Dude 2: “Ugh, yeah. What the fuck was that finale about?”

    Dude 1: “It was about sucking shit is what it was about. How’s Molly?”

    Dude 2: “Man she’s so overworked. Did 20 hours overtime this week. Shit is ridiculous.”

    etc etc etc etc

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      20 Shades of Grey including PorpoiseRappingNinja
      4/14/16 11:55am

      Thrown in an occasional “OMG did you see that girl on the elliptical? What a rack and ass.” and youll be on point.

      But you need some sort of trigger for that. Guys dont bring that shit up out of the blue.

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      HubcapJennyRappingNinja
      4/14/16 12:07pm

      And on the lady’s side:

      Woman 1: “Thanks for coming out.”

      Woman 2: “Yeah, no problem. It was good. Shit I’m beat, though.”

      Woman 1: “Me too. Going home for a nap, then picking the kids up. You see Game of Thrones this week?”

      Woman 2: “You know it.”

      Woman 1: “Walking Dead sucks now.”

      Woman 2: “Ugh, yeah. What the fuck was that finale about?”

      Woman 1: “Ugh, who even knows? I’m done. How’s Mark?”

      Woman 2: “Stressed as hell. Did 20 hours overtime this week. Shit is ridiculous.”

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    CleverUsernameHamilton Nolan
    4/14/16 12:21pm

    As a heterosexual dude, I have zero interest in discussing sex acts while naked with other dudes.

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      ad infinitumCleverUsername
      4/14/16 12:47pm

      I have been misgendering you for years!

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      CleverUsernamead infinitum
      4/14/16 2:32pm

      Interesting. I wonder how many others have assumed similarly.

      Out of curiosity, what qualities mad you lean one way or the other?

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    Pink SkullHamilton Nolan
    4/14/16 12:24pm

    No. You are only jealous because you do not know what you are talking about, but it’s cool. This is how friends talk because you see, sometimes there is a girl so beautiful that it hurts you. You probably just have a bad sexlife. I like you very much, Hamilting, but this is very evil of you to say this. But one day you will know what I mean. A lot of girls are so cruel. Not mine though. It makes sense.

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      juicehandyPink Skull
      4/14/16 12:35pm

      You left off the “Oh Hi Mark”

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      Pink Skulljuicehandy
      4/14/16 12:49pm

      I don’t understand you. I’m talking to Hamilting, not Mark. I think maybe you are confused. I don’t have time for your nonsense. Right now my ideas are saving the bank a lot of money and I cannot talk to you. Maybe you are onto something. Oh, hi Mark. No. That was foolishness. That’s what I get for trusting you.

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