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    Adrastra, patron saint of snarkMadeleine Davies & Ellie Shechet
    4/06/16 12:04pm

    I like how it was so dark that you had to literally hold a candle next to the plate to take pictures of the food.

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      Ara_RichardsAdrastra, patron saint of snark
      4/06/16 12:12pm

      It’s like the Hollister of restaurants.

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      GELLA - LLAPAdrastra, patron saint of snark
      4/06/16 12:15pm

      so nobody can see their wrinkles and amount of plastic sergery

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    Space_RockerMadeleine Davies & Ellie Shechet
    4/06/16 12:49pm

    I could read these entries all goddamn day. I hate-watch the RH franchises like it’s my job. But let us not forget our favotire batshit crazy, cringe in discomfort-inducing housewife... RIP whatever your name is:

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      Cool yer heels, MabelSpace_Rocker
      4/06/16 12:58pm

      It think the name was Simon?

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      TovertonSpace_Rocker
      4/06/16 12:59pm

      I used to be embarrassed to admit the RH franchise was my guilty pleasure. But I got over it and don’t feel as much shame- I rationalize it by telling myself that I work so hard and think so much during the work day I have to watch something mindless to give my brain a rest.

      Also I might have issues but at least I'm not throwing my prosthetic leg across a room at a dinner party. Hashtag schadenfreud.

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    Ellie ShechetMadeleine Davies & Ellie Shechet
    4/06/16 12:16pm

    I should also mention that this was my second time at a Beautique establishment, and I am really not sure which was worse!

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      MessO'Espresso is a noodle-bodied slothEllie Shechet
      4/06/16 12:51pm

      tbh I do want to go just once to see what it’s like!

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      saltyladyv4Ellie Shechet
      4/06/16 1:20pm

      Is it weird that I want to know more about your outfit in case I ever need to go to a place like this? Like what kind of black pants? Where’s the sweater from?

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    The Noble RenardMadeleine Davies & Ellie Shechet
    4/06/16 12:12pm

    the tuna tartare with crispy rice, pickled fennel, and cucumber ($22)

    I paused just to come down here and bitch about that price. I mean, what! Even at the fanciest restaurants I’ve been to, the max price I’ve ever seen for an appetizer like tuna tartare is around $16.

    $22 for a fucking tuna tartare appetizer should be criminal, unless it’s Bluefin Tuna hand-caught by Jiro himself.

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      GELLA - LLAPThe Noble Renard
      4/06/16 12:16pm

      you haven’t been to all of them...hmmm ok......

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      slicetoastThe Noble Renard
      4/06/16 12:20pm

      So you weren’t amused by their bouche?

      (sorry)

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    I'm Fart and I'm SmunnyMadeleine Davies & Ellie Shechet
    4/06/16 12:25pm

    “Have you been here before?” I asked him. “I don’t count how many times I go places, I’m too busy,” he responded proudly.

    GIF
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      wishtI'm Fart and I'm Smunny
      4/06/16 12:55pm

      Like, Jimmy, that’s... that’s a yes/no question. It’s a yes-y or a no-y.

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      WerkwerkwerkisaBurnerI'm Fart and I'm Smunny
      4/06/16 2:55pm

      I very nearly laughed out loud at that line and had to pretend like I was scratching my nose until I had it under control. That was either some politician-level “avoid the questioning” or that guy has the brain of a drunk mouse.

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    titania126Madeleine Davies & Ellie Shechet
    4/06/16 2:42pm

    The only time I’ve ever been to Beautique was when I was with my ex and we were still swingers, in order to meet the tackiest couple we encountered in the year we were together. The man was exactly the kind of beefy, oily, overly-groomed type that is endemic to this sort of place, and his wife was a high-school graduate in a bright red Herve Leger bandage dress and matching red Chanel bag who ran their group of successful liquor stores and had many amusing stories about threatening drunk men with guns. We went to the bathroom together and mutually agreed that we weren’t into it, and so we left. My boyfriend insisted that they were nice and I should have tried harder/worn something tighter because he saw them flirting with another couple they clearly knew as we were leaving.

    So, to answer your question, no one is at Beautique to have an orgy, but SOME PEOPLE are definitely having one immediately afterwards.

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      Madeleine Daviestitania126
      4/06/16 3:54pm

      This is the kind of story I was hoping to hear.

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      titania126Madeleine Davies
      4/06/16 4:41pm

      For the record, I am 29 and not a housewife of any kind, but my ex is impossibly attracted to incredibly plastic-looking women. I blame it on his growing up in L.A.

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    JujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes hereMadeleine Davies & Ellie Shechet
    4/06/16 12:09pm

    Jimmy’s so busy that he didn’t have time to remove the plastic tag from his stupid fucking tie? Did he talk about how much he liked the first Whitney Houston and Phil Collins records? Sounds like a keeper.

    Ellie, how’d your date go?

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      Angelica SchuylerJujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes here
      4/06/16 12:13pm

      the plastic tag and showing the label = instant class reductions

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      Bantha FodderstompfJujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes here
      4/06/16 12:24pm

      As long as he didn’t say that their first records were a bit to ‘new wave’ for his tastes.

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    Angelica SchuylerMadeleine Davies & Ellie Shechet
    4/06/16 12:11pm

    I do remember enjoying the fries and eating them so quickly and aggressively that my date did not get to have very many.

    Don’t be all, like, uncool.

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      mental icebergAngelica Schuyler
      4/06/16 12:20pm
      GIF
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      keepcalmcarryonAngelica Schuyler
      4/06/16 2:32pm

      Is there any way to enjoy fries that is not both quick and aggressive?

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    ButIt'sNotFAAAAAIIIIIRMadeleine Davies & Ellie Shechet
    4/06/16 2:37pm

    MADELEINE AND ELLIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE WITHOUT DORINDA?!

    GIF

    (Edited bc my Gif didn’t load! You need Sonja’s drunken, howling, almost vodka-soaked-Dementor kiss to complete the visual!)

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      laureltreedaphneButIt'sNotFAAAAAIIIIIR
      4/06/16 4:48pm

      My favorite moment of the whole series. My sister and I love to scream “DORINDAH!” in that weird Sonja voice whenever we are drunk.

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      bonniest.claireButIt'sNotFAAAAAIIIIIR
      4/07/16 1:29am

      That was the hashtag for my friend’s bachelorette, it never gets old.

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    SipowitzMadeleine Davies & Ellie Shechet
    4/06/16 1:18pm

    I spotted a man in a very, very shiny white shirt with a high collar that I believe was bedazzled. I could not stop staring at this shiny shirt, which had an effect that one could only describe as “opal.”

    So pea-cocking DOES work!!1! Thanks Mystery!

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      artless.dodgerSipowitz
      4/07/16 3:21pm

      I can affirm that it does work. Which is why I wear a furry top hat in all moments of my life, from dating to business meetings.

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