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    Space_RockerAnna Merlan
    3/25/16 1:43pm

    “Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.” - Margaret Atwood.

    Fucking hell.

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      BathtubStuSpace_Rocker
      3/25/16 2:01pm

      This is always the first quote that pops into my head. I hope like hell that someday it will cease to be true, but I feel like we’re further from that place every day.

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      DanceswithPeeps The Burner v2.1Space_Rocker
      3/25/16 2:16pm

      Someone commented on another post:

      On online dating services:

      Women are afraid they’ll meet a serial killer.

      Men are afraid they’ll meet someone fat.

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    NomNom83Anna Merlan
    3/25/16 3:06pm

    Any other parents here already considering how they’re going to approach the “Listen, child of mine, relationships can be heart-breaking. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to lose your goddamn mind and abuse, stalk or hurt anyone over it.” I’ve already given this considerable thought.

    Related: Anyone read the Dear Prudence a couple weeks ago from the parent whose teen son was obviously unstable?

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      Suck It, TrebekNomNom83
      3/25/16 3:18pm

      Not a parent, but I have two college-aged nieces who both have fairly serious boyfriends currently and my spidey-sense is ALWAYS on high alert for any sketchy behaviors if they need help to get out. Over the years we’ve had various talks about how they don’t have to put up with someone not treating them well, and that while people have bad days and it’s good to be forgiving, they don’t have to make excuses or take responsibility for abusive behavior.

      I swear I am a fun aunt, too.

      And yes, I read that Dear Prudence and holy shit I love Mallory Ortberg. The last chick gave stupid advice and always had to make some pun or tell a personal story...like, just give the advice and tell people, “Hey, your kid is a dick. Get his shit in line NOW.”

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      pileofashesNomNom83
      3/25/16 3:19pm

      Yeah, that was seriously disturbing. “My precious baby boy only called, texted, and emailed a girl who clearly doesn’t want to talk to him several thousand times! What’s the big deal?”

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    KatMarloweAnna Merlan
    3/25/16 1:52pm

    And, she broke up with him? Such a shame. I mean, he’s a passionate, go-getter who doesn’t take no for an answer.

    Nice guys just can’t catch a break.

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      I'm Fart and I'm SmunnyKatMarlowe
      3/25/16 2:12pm

      I mean, he played Peter Gabriel while holding up a boombox and that didn’t work. What’s a guy supposed to do?

      /s

      Seriously though, this is extremely upsetting and along with gun control for those who have a history of domestic violence, stalking, harassment, etc., we need more resources for anyone who even suspects their safety is at risk because of a situation like this.

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      UnwholesomeKatMarlowe
      3/25/16 4:54pm

      Yeah, I mean, he’s the real victim here, right? Had his whole life ahead of him. Such potential.

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    jemandthehologramsAnna Merlan
    3/25/16 1:54pm

    What a sad and unnecessary outcome. Clearly I'm preaching to the choir but gun control. We need gun control.

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      BrynandNessajemandtheholograms
      3/25/16 2:01pm

      If he didn’t have a gun, he’d have stabbed her or beat her to death, run her down with a car, etc. I’m the biggest advocate for gun control there is, but this is a domestic violence and control issue, not a gun issue.

      We need people like her (like I was) to be able to tell their families and friends that they’re in danger. That way her father can’t say I think something just snapped in him. This kind of event is the end of a pattern of control and violence.

      By the way, I’m out and safe. However, the system didn’t work for me at all.

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      NeelieBrynandNessa
      3/25/16 2:13pm

      Stay safe.

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    NonServiam's GhostAnna Merlan
    3/25/16 1:41pm

    Glad he’s dead. Everything else is awful.

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      Marylee111NonServiam's Ghost
      3/25/16 2:09pm

      I’m not. These assholes always take the easy way out. I want them to suffer in prison.

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      helgaperezMarylee111
      3/25/16 2:33pm

      If they suffered for many decades, or if we provided real rehabilitation in prisons, that would be good. However, prison sentences for domestic abusers are frequently shockingly short. His death means he won't be able to abuse anyone ever again.

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    TheVageniusAnna Merlan
    3/25/16 2:03pm

    Oh but you should just give a guy a chance I thought? And jealousy just means he loves you? And why don’t we just speak up for ourselves?

    How many ways can the constant violence against us be minimized and dismissed?

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      UnwholesomeTheVagenius
      3/25/16 4:56pm

      ·Also, why don’t women just leave abusive relationships?

      (Ans: Because of this. Because they are afraid the asshole will then try to kill them.)

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      Writer4003TheVagenius
      3/25/16 6:52pm

      It’s also incredible how long we’ve been asking exactly these questions. I’m a teaching assistant for a an introductory English class. Part of the class is learning to close read (paying attention to language, literary techniques and conventions, etc) and we just finished a novel, published in 1797, called The Coquette. On the surface, it reads like your standard fallen woman story: Young woman meets a guy who’s no good for her, is seduced, gets pregnant and dies. However, upon closer reading, it becomes clear that, not only is this guy a manipulative asshole whose behavior borders on abuse, but the guy she’s “supposed” to marry is also a classic Nice Guy (tm). Her friends fail to warn her about either man, and rather than listen to her (as she falls deeper and deeper into depression), they lecture her about making good choices. With no one left to turn to, she allows the “bad guy” to have sex with her, she becomes pregnant, and she and the baby die.

      The fantastic thing about this novel is that it’s so multi-faceted. Of course, since it was the late 18th century, she had to make it seem like the woman was to blame, but the guy gets his just desserts at the end, too. And even the married women don’t end up happy, despite the fact that they did everything right. All in all, it’s a scathing criticism of gender relations and, sadly, we can still learn something from it. We still openly reward abusers and silence the abused.

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    bellalunaAnna Merlan
    3/25/16 1:50pm

    Poor woman, fighting for her life while that miserable POS got a quick end to his. I hope she pulls through and is able to live a happy, pain-free life.

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      SayYes2Scorpionsbellaluna
      3/25/16 1:57pm

      Being that he’s dead now, I hope that his estate will be paying her medical costs.

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      SprocheteSayYes2Scorpions
      3/25/16 2:15pm

      Chances are he’s not leaving anything but credit card debt.

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    The Real JanelleAnna Merlan
    3/25/16 2:35pm

    I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how hard it is to leave someone abusive. I’m sure this guy was a shit person before being dumped, and sometimes you don’t even know how to break off the relationship without putting yourself at risk. It’s terrifying. I’m glad she's survived and hope she makes a full recovery.

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      Suck It, TrebekThe Real Janelle
      3/25/16 3:21pm

      Yeah, there was a reason for her breaking it off and I wouldn’t be shocked if it happened to be abusive behavior.

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      Baka Dana!The Real Janelle
      3/25/16 3:44pm

      This is why I waited to leave my abuser until he was in prison. Still didn’t stop him from harassing/stalking me once he got out. Family & friends told me he just “couldn’t get over me” and that I should take it as a compliment. To this day, they can’t understand why clingy men scare the shit out of me.

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    KatintheKnifeAnna Merlan
    3/25/16 1:49pm

    But violence against women isn’t a real problem... sigh...

    I always come back to that quote:

    Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.

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      NonServiam's GhostKatintheKnife
      3/25/16 2:02pm

      We need to dispel the myth that all women who claim to have been taken hostage against their will were indeed taken hostage against their will.

      We also need to dispel the myth that women who claimed to have been shot against their will were indeed shot against their will.

      — Jian Gomeshi judge

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    SlowpokeTexasAnna Merlan
    3/25/16 1:49pm

    What a dickhead. Look, break-ups suck, even if you’re the one initiating the breakup. Heartbreak sucks. I mean we’re talking deep, heart-wrenching, physical pain here. But life goes on, and if you can get through the agonizing sleepless nights (hopefully not over or under someone else), you will find that during that healing period you can take that pain and channel it towards your best growth and most amazing accomplishments.

    Nothing justifies hurting someone else you claim (or once claimed) to love. Or even someone that you were just passing some time with. Let her/him go, don’t try to “remain friends” until you’ve healed (why make it harder on yourself?), nurse your wounds, spend some time on yourself, and in six months you’ll be confident, available, and more appealing to your chosen romantic gender than ever. You might also realize during that time that Mr/Ms Right just aint all you thought they were cracked up to be. Gain power by building yourself, and you’ll be happier in the long term.

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      NonServiam's GhostSlowpokeTexas
      3/25/16 1:56pm

      Nothing justifies hurting the one you claim to love, unless the one you love is, in your value system, a semi-person who belongs to you and owes you happiness. Historically, women have been such semi-persons to men in every culture and every era.

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      SlowpokeTexasNonServiam's Ghost
      3/25/16 2:09pm

      It’s gotta change. It starts with the man in the mirror; I’ve had to change and I know I’ve got more learning to do. I look upon the backwards societies and cultures that are limiting the education by gender and I think to myself, “You idiots- your greatest renewal resource is intellectual capital, and you just cut off more than half your future supply. You’ve handicapped yourself for at least the next two generations.”

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