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    Tupiniquim - white cat with hands is all of usAimée Lutkin
    3/19/16 7:03pm

    Motherhood/marriage-related rant (and I apologize in advance for the TMI/grossness/bummer content). So, my younger daughter has been complaining of abdominal pain for some time now, and I decided to investigate. So far she’s been diagnosed with a quite severe lactose intolerance and the doctor wants to test for everything, so a fecal immunochemistry was ordered. You’re supposed to do it a certain way (no actual poop, just residual water from brushing the turd with a special brush, like watercolors, yay), and two samples need to be collected at different times. I collected the first and then explained to my husband (who’s been absent for 4 days of every week because of work) how to go about it in detail. I was specific about the “it’s not supposed to be shit” part.

    This morning I was cramping like crazy and couldn’t get up while my daughter said she had to “go”, so my husband told me “I got this”. I thought “wow, great, I can just relax and he’ll get it covered”. After a few hours I’m able to get up and I have to take the envelope with the samples to the lab because it was about to close. Out of curiosity I look at the sample he’s collected, and… it was wrong. So wrong. Shit all over it.

    I just lost it. tossed that literal piece of shit in the trash can because I’m gonna have to collect it all over again and just started crying because I was so angry. I’m still angry. My husband is great, does as much as he can around the house and is a very present father (an all-around good feminist modern dude), but I get the feeling that ever since I got pregnant with my first kid I have on average 5,000 different thoughts and concerns in my head at any given time, and he… doesn’t. It just feels incredibly overwhelming and isolating. He’s as good as they come but sometimes I get the feeling I’m the only one carrying the piano, paying attention to the little things in the kids’ everyday life, planning for everything, driving them around everywhere, listening to them etc. I didn’t expect motherhood to be this lonely.

    Sorry, rant over. I just needed to vent. Have a nice weekend, guys.


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      mscoffeeTupiniquim - white cat with hands is all of us
      3/19/16 7:09pm

      no advice on the marriage front, but I am in awe of your awesome mom skills. one day your kids are going to realize that you literally BRUSHED TURDS for them and they are going to be like “wow my mom really loves me.” sometimes I realize the crazy shit my parents have done for me and it makes me feel warm and happy inside. :)

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      DanceswithPeeps The Burner v2.1Tupiniquim - white cat with hands is all of us
      3/19/16 7:13pm

      It’s true. Women do the heavy emotional lifting in any relationship, and once children are involved, it’s ten times harder.

      If you’re up to it, sit him down and explain the issue. You know not to be accusatory, but make clear this one issue and how much work resulted from his failure to follow instructions, and that it’s delayed getting the test results.

      Good vibes your way.

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    DanceswithPeeps The Burner v2.1Aimée Lutkin
    3/19/16 7:09pm

    I think we can officially call this the weekly beauty thread!

    A couple of new items I tried this week are probably going to be staying in my regimen. The first is a clay-infused Konjac sponge for combination skin. Honestly, it really didn’t feel like it was doing anything while I was washing with it, but afterward I really noticed a difference. My skin feels a bit smoother and less oily, which makes me very happy. For all the people who recommended them, thank you!

    This is the other item:

    It came in my Target beauty box from last month. I know I said it was Schwarzkopf Ultime something, but I was running on too little sleep, and I’m old.

    It definitely gave my roots a boost. Not Joan Cusack in Working Girl level, more Melanie Griffith post makeover, but definitely some lift that I needed. It’s level 3, so it’s not going to last at a club or concert, but it’s perfect for everyday. My scalp isn’t feeling tender or irritated in any way, which is common with most sprays or root treatments. If that changes, I’ll let you know.

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      JillJitsuDanceswithPeeps The Burner v2.1
      3/19/16 7:15pm

      I just got the Hourglass ambient lighting powder in Dim, and OHH MAN do I ever love it—- so soft, so delicate, so pretty, so blendable. I want another in their powder series, like a blush or something.

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      regularsizedrudyDanceswithPeeps The Burner v2.1
      3/19/16 7:28pm

      Are you still planning on getting the perm? I’m very curious about that, I hope you take before and after pics!

      I have in between hair that isn’t quite straight but not properly wavy/curly either and it drives me crazy! I am interested in perming it as well because my hair does not tend to frizz but it IS very fine and the more I straighten it the faster it gets greasy, so definitely leaning towards adding more curl. I got a perm once by a good salon that swore they were experienced at this sort of thing. I asked for loose beachy curls that are almost more wavy than curly and they gave me super tight ringlets and it was horrible and I cried. I asked them to get rid of it two days later. I think I am ready to take the plunge again but will be paying much closer attention to the size of the rods!

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    mscoffeeAimée Lutkin
    3/19/16 7:06pm

    Two of the women who are most important to me in this world are both getting married this summer. This is, of course, excellent news; I love them both and I am thrilled that they have found partners who love and support them and want to commit to them. I am looking forward to celebrating with them! But both weddings happening within a couple of weeks of each other is stressing me out hard, because it’s a shit-ton of bridesmaid-ing activities over the next couple of months — showers, bachelorette stuff, dress fittings, you know. Everything takes time and effort to plan. Not to mention a ton of money. I feel bad complaining about it in real life, so I’m complaining about it here. ;)

    (We’re leaving aside the fact that I am becoming the walking embodiment of the “always a bridesmaid...” aphorism, and my weird feelings about being single at all of these events.)

    Want to anonymously vent about being a bridesmaid on the internet? Join me!

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      MargieBonzmscoffee
      3/19/16 7:10pm

      My first bridesmaid experience was great since I lived across the country and my friend (the bride) was super low-key.

      Next time was not so much the bride, but the rest of the bridal party that weren’t too great. And I got a stout spilled on my dress (prior to when we were allowed to change out of our fancy gear), so the thing I spent money on buying and getting altered immediately went in the trash....which is pretty much what ended up happening with the marriage too.

      I am hoping my sister will not do any crazy shit for her wedding (whenever that might be) since she is totally not like that, but ya never know.

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      LaChavalinamscoffee
      3/19/16 7:13pm

      I was a bridesmaid for my best friend two years ago and her only “bridezilla” moment was when she threw a fit because we told her that we couldn’t afford to throw her a shower at a nice restaurant and invite 80 people (her family, incidentally, played no part in offering to plan or pay for any of this).

      Flash forward two years, and last weekend this same BFF was in charge of planning another friend’s baby shower. At a nice restaurant, with just 36 guests. And she complained relentlessly about how much effort it was.

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    AllieCat ❤️'S hats on cats-is probable weirdoAimée Lutkin
    3/19/16 7:14pm

    My cat brings me presents all the time! He gifts me his toys. Though he stands there mewing until I literally say thank you so he’s really in it for the praise high.

    I didn’t get to post this on St. Patrick’s Day but hope everyone had a good one!!

    He didn’t like this holiday hat as much as I felt he should....

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      deerlady83AllieCat ❤️'S hats on cats-is probable weirdo
      3/19/16 7:24pm

      No green bow tie? He still looks so dapper.

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      Octopit didn't choose the burrito life, the burrito life chose octopit.AllieCat ❤️'S hats on cats-is probable weirdo
      3/19/16 7:26pm

      So... We have the same brain!?!?

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    irritablevowelAimée Lutkin
    3/19/16 8:13pm

    OK, TMI warning: I am dealing with a raging yeast infection and it SUUUUCKS and is basically all I can think about because ITCHINGGGG. Anyway, I was thinking about how weird it is that I can complain about migraines, my foot hurting, weird scalp issues, UTIs, etc. to my friends, but yeast infections definitely cross whatever arbitrary line there is. I’m sure it’s some sort of internalized misogyny or whatever... but it’s just very strange to think about all the stupid medical stuff we constantly complain about, yet this is still verboten.

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      DontBeSuchaBoobPunchTinairritablevowel
      3/19/16 8:19pm

      Yeast infections are so, so awful. I’m one of the lucky few who used to get one every month before my period. OH JOY. And this began when you still needed a prescription for the treatments!

      Fortunately, it seems to have gone away with age, though I still get periods (in fact more frequently, in perimenopause, than before). But I mean I dealt with that for darned near forty years. It suuuuuucked.

      And you can bet your bippy I complained to my women friends about it! The people I felt I couldn’t talk to were boyfriends, when I had one. Unless we’d been together a good while. This made for a certain amount of awkwardness around sex at times.

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      mscoffeeirritablevowel
      3/19/16 8:37pm

      dude I always complain to my BFFs. there’s a group thread we have going and I won’t hesitate to be like GUESS WHAT I HAVE A YEAST INFECTION.

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    Slay.douché - (dreams to be a puppy)Aimée Lutkin
    3/19/16 7:15pm

    Hey Jez’s,

    An article earlier got me thinking - anyone else out there have longtime friends who are *flake-azoids*, sometimes seem like frenemies/sometimes comforting to talk to that you can’t really guage?

    Like, is this just habit/history or is there anything “real” left?

    There’s one who recently gave an invitation to visit (definitely tempting cuz fancy digs, in a region *I LOVE*) yet it’s a coin toss as if there’s some possibility might get catty/leave a bad aftertaste. (note: don’t see eye to eye with their partner, who was born *very* privileged/classist - has put a purposeful wedge between any “worker bee” friends their spouse has by being yucky to them).

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      MargieBonzSlay.douché - (dreams to be a puppy)
      3/19/16 7:27pm

      I have one friend who is flaky/angry. She and I will go months without talking, but then when we make up (which is pathetically me just letting her tell me how terrible I am) we get along like gangbusters (whatever that means).

      Do the trip. If it ends sour, it ends sour and give yourself some emotional distance. You never know how things will turn out and it’s good to go in with a positive attitude. If things turn sour, fuck it, enjoy yourself.

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      wishtSlay.douché - (dreams to be a puppy)
      3/19/16 7:28pm

      I have one. I don’t know if we’re close or even if we actually like each other and sometimes she’s fun to be with and sometimes she’s a bit mean to me and I have no idea where we stand.

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    Gwyneth P. is a reincarnated chicken nuggetAimée Lutkin
    3/19/16 7:30pm

    I am in an emotional rut. I am trying to stay positive to dismal success. I dread my master’s and am quite lonely here in good old Scotland. This week I called like twenty ppl back home in a plea to be like help. (As fate would have it my period came on so I was able to attribute some of the misery to pms.) I have begun to open up with myself about my dissatisfaction with my education and that my school life utterly and irrevocably sucks. I have no other life if anyone is wondering hence the loneliness and entreaty for movie suggestions.

    Please excuse the melancholy.

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      WhatTheThunderSaidGwyneth P. is a reincarnated chicken nugget
      3/19/16 7:46pm

      :( Sorry you are feeling that way. Life can suck all on its own, but life suck + period suck is no fair.

      How much longer do you have to stay at school? Is it the school itself, the educational field, or Scotland that’s making you miserable?

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      Slay.douché - (dreams to be a puppy)Gwyneth P. is a reincarnated chicken nugget
      3/19/16 7:46pm

      So are you almost finished with the Master’s program?

      Have you seen the season 1 of Manhattan?
      There’s a great line in there where a character says: “This isn’t home, but we’re gonna make it through this.”

      It reminded me of a common state of mind for graduate school in less than ideal locations. Sometimes life is about making it through the drudgery hurdles on the way to something else.

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    Butter Nutter MilkshakeAimée Lutkin
    3/19/16 7:39pm

    Emily will bite the hand that feeds her if it doesn’t get out of bed and fill the food bowl by 5.

    My week was awful at work because I may lose an employee to a domestic violence situation, and I don’t know what I can do to help except beg upper management to let her keep her job even though she was absent for a week and I am not sure if she will be in Monday. I can’t tell them that her piece of shit ex beat her up and I am struggling to come up with a compelling reason that she missed a week of work and shold be excused. I am having dinner with my uncle/ family and I get to talk about politics with a Trump supporter.

    Good news: I choppd all of my hair off into a pixie, and I think I like it. They gave me a lot of wine at the salon too.

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      Niko PerrierButter Nutter Milkshake
      3/19/16 8:07pm

      The boys say, Hi!

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      DanceswithPeeps The Burner v2.1Butter Nutter Milkshake
      3/19/16 8:12pm

      That’s horrible. Can you tell them, without details, that she was assaulted? If they ask questions, you could say, “I’m sorry, I don’t have details. But she’s recovering and plans to return as soon as possible.”

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    The Noble RenardAimée Lutkin
    3/19/16 8:08pm

    Hey Jezzies! I just want to take a moment during this time of uncertainty to thank all of you for being really awesome people. Even though I have my issues with the management of this site, and sometimes I have serious disagreements with the articles, you fellow women, men, genderqueer individuals, and everything in between, are almost always lovely people who deserve the best.

    This has been your moment of affirmation. You’re all great. Sincerely: A slightly tipsy TNR.

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      MargieBonzThe Noble Renard
      3/19/16 8:10pm

      kisses hugs love!

      Been trying to pretend that the judgement won’t touch Jez, because I just like to ignore problems. And I am super happy I could make it tonight since who knows.

      Thanks for being awesome!

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      BenjaminSmuttinsThe Noble Renard
      3/19/16 8:22pm

      Hello! I love your posts! Happy Saturday from balmy Flo-Rida!

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    MargieBonzAimée Lutkin
    3/19/16 7:05pm

    I am into that cat.

    So I have been gone/busy the past few weeks.

    Last week’s trip to Joshua Tree was amazing and I am set on moving there in 13 months when my lease is up. I will deal with the cold.

    I have a new dude I am involved with. And he has introduced me a bit to BDSM. Which was a revelation to me. I can also talk to him about things and in a way it has been sexy therapy for the past few weeks. We have established this will not be a relationship, which is nice. But he is nice enough that since I helped him with some shit around his place, he is going to come hang curtain rods for me tomorrow.

    Anyways, love you guys, hope everyone is doing well.

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      NetflixandNapMargieBonz
      3/19/16 7:28pm

      Best of luck with the dude, sounds like a good arrangement. Plus sex. Definite win.

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      MargieBonzNetflixandNap
      3/19/16 7:32pm

      Thanks. I think it’s pretty good so far. The BDSM thing (me as the sub) has been really helpful for me. It’s allowed me to be vulnerable in a way that isn’t scary at all and he is really kind, caring and slow. I did have a weird moment when I fell while helping him (Ikea boxes, bad shoes and light rain do not work well together), which left me with a bruise on my face. Trying to explain it to people that it wasn’t something to be concerned about and how I knew it wouldn’t be with him was weird since I couldn’t talk about that part of our relationship.

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