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    IskaralPustSam Biddle
    3/18/16 12:59pm

    Actually, if I was going to pick one drug for these people to be on, it would be cocaine. Weed provides too little awake-staying power, and bath salts are frankly too much.

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      Hip Brooklyn StereotypeIskaralPust
      3/18/16 1:02pm

      Very difficult to concentrate on not causing a nuclear holocaust when you’re eating each other’s faces off.

      Damn near impossible.

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      Brian, The Life ofIskaralPust
      3/18/16 1:07pm

      Personally, I think they should be doing Molly.

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    christcoSam Biddle
    3/18/16 1:14pm

    From what I’ve read about the department of the Air Force that watches over nukes, these guys need the blow just to stay awake. It’s a wasteland where careers go to die. Ancient equipment and bad morale while doing a job no one wants in the middle of nowhere. I’m surprised the AF doesn’t issue the cocaine itself.

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      Dave christco
      3/18/16 1:17pm

      I was an AF cop back in the 80's and 90's and missile duty was the most feared, most hated, most awful thing we could be assigned to. And that was back when there was still a Cold War going on. These days, I cannot imagine how bad it must be.

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      christcoDave
      3/18/16 1:32pm

      The article I read described the job as being one people got because they were either too naive to know better or they were being punished. They said the equipment was 98% Cold War-era analogue gear. The pictures accompanying the article looked like the old Mission to Mars attraction at Disneyland. It’s gotta be bad when they’re using it as a penal battalion. This whole thing shows just how much no one really believes there will ever be a nuclear conflict.

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    jokepitchSam Biddle
    3/18/16 12:59pm

    All your freebases are belong to us.

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      Cam/ronjokepitch
      3/18/16 1:01pm

      That meme...just...won’t...die.

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      Ryan Howard's Colostomy Bagjokepitch
      3/18/16 1:03pm

      That one deserves some love

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    Brian, The Life ofSam Biddle
    3/18/16 12:59pm

    “Ryan, some things in here don’t react well to bullets.”

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      toothpetardBrian, The Life of
      3/18/16 1:18pm


      The one person with coke left after total thermonuclear war may as well be god.

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      CorbettoBrian, The Life of
      3/18/16 1:42pm

      memories

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    CaptainButtersSam Biddle
    3/18/16 1:05pm

    Permission to come aboard General Rick James?

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      BabyGroundhogEyesCaptainButters
      3/18/16 1:15pm

      Isn’t that “General Rick James, bitch!” ? Just askin’, ya know ?

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    Brock SamsaSam Biddle
    3/18/16 1:01pm

    Of course they are using an 80's drug, those silos are operating on 80's technology.

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      ReverandRichardWayneGaryWayneBrock Samsa
      3/18/16 1:27pm

      My favorite story from the excellent book, “Command and Control”, was how the Air Force for decades opposed putting any kind of locking/passcode equipment to arm the nukes. When they finally did, they set all the codes to “0000000".

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      Brock SamsaReverandRichardWayneGaryWayne
      3/18/16 1:36pm

      Better than “password,” I suppose...

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    EatTheCheeseNicholsonSam Biddle
    3/18/16 1:01pm

    They’re living in the suburbs of Cheyenne, we’re lucky they weren’t doing bath salts.

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      cepalgEatTheCheeseNicholson
      3/18/16 1:03pm

      Pretty much.

      You are not assigned to a nuke base because you are considered a non-fuckup.

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      Vitamin VEatTheCheeseNicholson
      3/18/16 1:05pm

      Or heroin.

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    Cam/ronSam Biddle
    3/18/16 12:59pm

    Well, it brings smiles to nuclear defense. God only knows how many Minutemen operators abused coke during the Reagan years.

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      BabyGroundhogEyesCam/ron
      3/18/16 1:13pm

      I dropped Acid & went “War Games”when it came out (1983). I’mma still freakin’-out over the thought of “Total Thermo-Nuclear War”—But not because of the Acid, anyway. Ferris Bueller had a much more mellow roll.

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      FlazloCam/ron
      3/18/16 1:14pm

      That’s why WOPR Rev 2.1 gets super jazzed about learning piano, seriously, like, starting tomorrow, and then just starts thinking about how pointless everything is and why not just launch the fucking missiles already and get. it. OVER WITH!!!!

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    Beet ArthurSam Biddle
    3/18/16 1:04pm

    Is there a more pointless job than hanging around weapons developed for the Cold War way out in the middle of nowheremerica? How much money would we save by admitting those missiles are useless and those people are wasting their lives and our money (and their own money, apparently)

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      razezarBeet Arthur
      3/18/16 1:14pm

      But it’s okay for someone to hold the whacking stick when they’re the good guy!

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      KomradKickassBeet Arthur
      3/18/16 1:16pm

      Gawker editor?

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    Sonic Reducer 151Sam Biddle
    3/18/16 1:09pm

    I fully support investigations into cocaine use. We should look very, very closely into this. I am more than willing to get personally involved and I won’t rest until I’ve discovered the cocaine. Basically what I’m saying is please pay me to do cocaine. I promise this is not Eddie Money.

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      KinjaNinjaOnABinjaSonic Reducer 151
      3/18/16 2:48pm

      Eddie, if that’s you, listen - I have a great gig. Pays decent, and it’s residual income. Basically you’re going to redo “Two Tickets to Paradise,” but for Jack-in-the-Box, and you’re going to sing “I got... two tacos for ninety-nine / better... get your own because these are mine...!”

      Eddie, call me.

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