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ClioBrook Bolen
3/19/16 3:34pm
I’ve been here before. Don’t let the friendship end. There’s no such thing as someone with mental disorder acting “on their own,” disconnected from the disorder. Even on medications, things can be said that they don’t mean. Or even worse, the mental disorder has conditioned the individual to think that hurting positive relationships is the only way to live.

You’re going to miss having this person in your life. If you’re really “spiritual” (I hate that term, frankly), you should find it in yourself to see past this hiccup in her actions and mend this relationship. I’m speaking from experience. That’s much more pleasant than thinking about lost friends decades later that you wish you still had.
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  Esme Squalor4Clio
  3/19/16 3:36pm
  Or nah.
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  many bells down wears many stupid hatsClio
  3/19/16 3:53pm
  I disagree. Sometimes, you don’t realize how toxic a person was for you until you get some time and distance. 25 years ago, one of my best friends and I had a massive falling out. She cut contact with me - because SHE had done something awful and then she got upset that I dared to be angry about the thing she did.
  
  Ten years went by, and I encountered her socially and made an effort to mend fences. She ignored it. Another decade, I ran into her again and though we chatted politely that was it.
  
  And then, last year out of the blue, she sends me a Facebook request. Curious, I accepted it. And she didn’t say anything; no apology, nothing. I waited a couple of weeks and then dropped her again. I’d realized that she was always a negative influence on me. Her opinions were always right and mine were always ignorant. She was a master of the backhanded compliment. She tore me down frequently. I realized I’d spent FAR too long regretting this lost friendship that ... wasn’t even really that great in the first place.
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BlondeGoddessBrook Bolen
3/19/16 3:19pm
My ‘spiritual’ friend dumped me when I got chronically ill. Because it says so in The Secret, you shouldn’t consort with sick people because it will attract more sickness. Some spiritual people are sick in the head. Namaste cuntface!
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  badmuthaBlondeGoddess
  3/19/16 3:24pm
  I really don’t understand how some people can believe that shit in the Secret. It sounds so silly.
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  Benjamin MickeyBlondeGoddess
  3/19/16 3:34pm
  i knew nothing about The Secret other than what you wrote (i mean, i’ve heard of it, but no idea if it’s a book, a church, ?), and, seriously?! this is a thing written down?!!! what an assholey way to look at other people.
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gerbilsoutofexilefinallyBrook Bolen
3/19/16 4:14pm
Dear gods, is this perfect timing. This past summer, my best friend suddenly became hostile and unfriendly; no warning, no explanation, no anything. Then I found out that she had been excluding me from activities we used to do with two other gfs, and then posting their fun on Facebook for me to see. This put the other two girls in an awkward position, but then I found out, through a group text gone awry, that she had been bad-mouthing me to these friends. So not only does she want to end our relationship, she wants to take away the other friendships, as well, and apparently, she has succeeded, because I refused to put the other two in the middle of our shit, and lost. I ignored her passive-aggressive Facebook posts, her nasty comments on my posts, her general bullshit. Does this sound like junior high? Yeah, we’re all 53-54 years old.

Last night, her husband invited mine out to see a band, one which we had all seen together last year and enjoyed. I told him to go, and encouraged him to maintain their friendship, because I’m an adult. I had plans and didn’t give a shit, frankly. It was a set up. Turns out, it was a group activity for all the girls and their husbands, with me deliberately excluded and my husband included. So he could come home and tell me alllll about it. It was fucking evil. I had finally gotten over the pain and anger of what she had done to me, but when he told me this morning, I stood in the kitchen and cried. I cried, and yes, I called her a fucking sanctimonious, judgemental, self-righteous CUNT. Because that’s what she is. And she used my husband to drive the final nail in the coffin, that fucking bitch.

So I went back to bed and did something I never do: I unfriended and blocked her on Facebook. I deleted all our texts and her contact from my phone. I may do the same with the other two, because at this point, they’re complicit in all of this shit pile. These are women I’ve known since 8th grade; one of them since kindergarten. I’m curled up on the couch, trying not to spend the day crying, but honestly, not entirely succeeding.

So fuck these bitches, all of them, and the witches’ brooms they all rode in on! None of them deserve us or our friendship or our love or our trust! I’m moving on and hopefully, to better people in my life. :)
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  BrynMartiangerbilsoutofexilefinally
  3/19/16 4:19pm
  That’s absolutely insane. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with such crap. I hope you do find those better people soon.
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  ShezzalovesWatsongerbilsoutofexilefinally
  3/19/16 4:35pm
  You sound so much more mature than her. Fuck her!!! You deserve an awesome best friend instead of this horror.
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ILikeThunderstormsBrook Bolen
3/19/16 3:14pm
1. Great article, glad that this so-called “friend” is out of your life and that you were able to end with closure.

2. Someone (you or someone else) HAS to write a memoir titled, “Namaste, Cuntface!” It just has to happen.

<3

ETA: WTF with that horrible message to your husband? I just read it again - who SAYS that shit? Even if she weren’t sober, that was a friendship-ending text. So awful!
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  DanceswithPeeps The Burner v2.1ILikeThunderstorms
  3/19/16 3:52pm
  Recovering addicts can lash out horribly at others. They turn their self-hating outwards. At least, that’s what I’ve seen from the addicts in my life. They may not be using, but the issues they have are still there.
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  ILikeThunderstormsDanceswithPeeps The Burner v2.1
  3/19/16 3:58pm
  Makes sense.
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AllieCat ❤️'S hats on cats-is probable weirdoBrook Bolen
3/19/16 3:15pm
I think friendship endings are really hard-sorry you had to go through that, Brook! I always cling to friendships long after it’s clear that the other friend is starting to drift away. So I think your ability to more immediately recognize the toxicity of this particular relationship (and let it go) is admirable!

That being said-this title really doesn’t work. It’s not just that it’s click baity cause, I get it, you have to get views, it’s that...it doesn’t relate to the article really? I mean there is a LINE about spiritual conversations but..man...it really feels off the mark.
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  Emma GolddiggerAllieCat ❤️'S hats on cats-is probable weirdo
  3/19/16 3:19pm
  I agree that the article and the title don’t sync up, but I loved the title!!! It made me a little disappointed that the article wasn’t bitchier.
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  OverlySexualizedVelociraptorAllieCat ❤️'S hats on cats-is probable weirdo
  3/19/16 3:21pm
  Thank you. I didn’t want to be the first one to say it but what was the spiritual awakening exactly? That she likes mauve nail polish? Is the nail polish a metaphor that she can appreciate the new things the friend introduced her to but just like the friendship is temporary? And... she journals? I feel like this is just a way to say to fuck you to the friend in a public way and for Jez to say cunt.
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sybannBrook Bolen
3/19/16 3:20pm
It was six or seven years ago that I cut off a toxic female friend like a tumor. I practically ghosted her (except for the phone message cancelling our next outing). I had repeatedly told her we were not the same person, I did like other things (that she didn’t), I didn’t always want to go to a party or “thing” with her and her hubs, I liked more than a measure of solitude. Her flaming screaming fit that put the nail in the coffin, had to do with the fact that I didn’t always carry my cell phone so she could constantly be in touch. People are not always rational or reasonable when it comes to relationships. I am not sure she would ever had learned boundaries. I still wish I could have told her that I already had one mother, who allowed me more leash than she did. I’m in my 50's, I’ve earned independence. Jesus.
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  Cocopop!sybann
  3/19/16 3:44pm
  I support you in this. I think I’m in the process of ghosting my best friend of 20 years, even though I am anti-ghosting. There are things that I just can’t deal with any more. I don’t feel like she respects my time or me as a person. I feel like she only calls me when she is stuck in traffic. She has a history about being less than honest about her accomplishments. She is a name-dropper. She guilt-pressures me into getting together, but it usually involves me driving over an hour to see her, and when I arrive she is often “exhausted” and it seems like I am somehow imposing on her, or she just drags me along on her errands. She never seems interested in driving to see me. Her husband is rude to me 50% of the time.
  
  It occurred to me finally that I have not initiated contact or meet ups in several years. She has been the one keeping the friendship going, and I have just gone along out of guilt or by habit. Sometimes you aren’t really deciding to and a friendship. It’s just a gradual thing.
  
  I am open to new experiences and am now accepting applications for a new best friend. Must be not-crazy. Wish me luck!
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  I'm Fart and I'm Smunnysybann
  3/19/16 3:49pm
  Same here. I am one of those people who used to hold onto toxic relationships because I thought a good friend stays with it even during the tough times. And my ex-friend really did go through so tough times and that’s part of what we bonded over. But she when she went away to college (really far away), all she wanted to talk about was boys, her new sorority, and trash on other girls for no reason. She wanted me to tell her it was okay that she was fucking a guy who not only had a girlfriend, but who hunted black bears. Now, I’m not the type of vegan who will shame people for eating meat or anything like that (I truly don’t give a shit about what others eat), but someone who hunts black bears for sport? He was like one of Donald Trump’s sons, I swear.
  
  And I tried so hard to help her not base her self-esteem on what boys though of her, but it just wasn’t working. I couldn’t be friends with someone who texted me pictures of the girlfriends of the guys she was sleeping with and trash their looks with her.
  
  The constant need for attention and reassurance was just too much. Especially when I realized she didn’t actually give a shit about me. She just wanted a friend that would boost her self-esteem. So I used the ghosting method, as well. Sometimes it is the only thing that works.
  
  TL;DR: So to all the toxic friends out there: Namaste, cuntfaces.
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I'm Fart and I'm SmunnyBrook Bolen
3/19/16 3:08pm
Before I even read this article, bravo on this headline. Just bravo.

GIF

ETA: Now that I have read this article it is even better. I know this exact feeling. And now whenever I get that pang of sadness, I can just simply say, “Namaste, Cuntface.” And I hate using that word, but sometimes it is just necessary.
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  Pie-pieI'm Fart and I'm Smunny
  3/19/16 3:12pm
  Same. Brilliant!
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  anyah8sbunniesI'm Fart and I'm Smunny
  3/19/16 3:15pm
  
  GIF
  
  GIF
  
  My thoughts also.
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AlexTrebeksBeardBrook Bolen
3/19/16 4:39pm
I can’t remember the last time I read such a holier-than-thou post.

And to dox her ex-friend and her own husband while telling us nothing about herself (except “nail polish!”) reeks of narcissism.

“I wish my ex-friend nothing but health and happiness. Of course, if I’m PMSing and feeling particularly blue, I may feel compelled to flip her off, lovingly and only for an instant.” Passive-aggressive much?

Yuck.
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  stroderealtyAlexTrebeksBeard
  3/19/16 4:49pm
  I just wrote this above- I am kinda stunned by the warm reception to this article. She completely put her friend on blast for what sounds like a long-simmering issue in their group. All without mentioning what the husband said to make this person lash out the way she did. We are clearly only getting a tip of the story here and I’m pretty uncomfortable with all of it.
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  AlexTrebeksBeardstroderealty
  3/19/16 5:01pm
  Yep. The fact that she could write that and not realize how glaringly self-centered it sounds amazes me. Talk about throwing people under the bus. My god.
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Hot MinuteBrook Bolen
3/19/16 3:31pm
When you said your ex friend was a bipolar recovering addict, that told me all I needed to know, really. Basically, sooner or later, the friendship would’ve ended just like it did. Hope I don’t offend anyone, but thinking a friendship w/a bipolar will last is like thinking a friendship w/a borderline personality disorder type will last....but it won't. It'll end, & IT'LL END UGLY.
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  rachelmaddowspenHot Minute
  3/19/16 3:47pm
  This is prejudiced and untrue. You should re-examine your attitudes about mental illness. Also, maybe consider the fact that people with those disorders use the internet too, and are likely to see comments like this and feel even more deflated and hopeless than they already do.
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  Hot Minuterachelmaddowspen
  3/19/16 3:57pm
  Thus, my caveat statement, ‘Hope I don’t offend anyone...’ because it was not my intention to piss anyone off or rattle any cages. I was only giving my opinion based on MY VERY OWN personal experiences/interactions w/such diagnosed types.
  
  How is what I stated “prejudiced and untrue” when the author of this blog had an experience almost identical to the many interactions I’ve had w/such? I am sorry you are offended by what I said, but again....it was not my intention to piss anyone off. I’m not going to refrain from giving an opinion that is directly from my life experiences (which I think is one of the reasons people are encouraged to join in conversations...i.e., isn’t this the whole point of blogs like these?) so people can join in & give their experiences?
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Lrox4208Brook Bolen
3/19/16 3:25pm
But, people must know you and, by extension, know her. Now they know personal things about her. Now I know personal things about her because you chose this platform to share them.

I’m a recovering addict and I’m VERY open about it, but that’s my decision to tell people.

I understand you’re hurt and I agree what she said to your husband is unforgivable, but you try to appear as if you’re above it all and it seems like a really low blow. You said you ended it with love, etc., but you’ve just told everyone who knows the two of you deeply personal things that she shared with you in confidence.

I’ve always been told to wait to send or post anything that I’m emotional about for one day and, if I still want to do it after sleeping on it, then do it. Maybe you should have slept on this?
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  accesscodeLrox4208
  3/19/16 3:36pm
  I hope details have been changed so it’s harder to tell who it is.
  
  I will say that, for me, while I like reading it and thinking about it, it would be infinitely better for her if she could have simply sent her ex-friend a text that said, “I hope you are taking your meds. Regardless, that is an unacceptable thing to say to my husband. We’re done. Don’t text me anymore or call. We will simply block you. You are no longer a friend. Please stay away.”
  
  That would have gotten out any bad feelings immediately. I hate the way we’ve been socialized to be ‘nice’ and ‘understanding’ and ‘work through things.” Sometimes, things can’t be worked through.
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  nopenotathingaccesscode
  3/19/16 4:05pm
  It would come across really wacko and boundary-crossing to text someone commenting on their health and telling them they’re no longer a friend and to stay away when they’d already emailed you telling you that they were ending the friendship.
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