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    Cam/ronGabrielle Bluestone
    3/16/16 1:30pm

    Just picture it: Ted Cruz, sitting alone in a dark room, eating soup straight out of the can, night after night.

    Reminds me of my college roommate who had a nasty habit of eating Trader Joe’s beef stew straight out of a can and then letting his pile of old cans fester on the kitchen table. I’ll think of that stench whenever I think of Cruz.

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      Archer>PicardCam/ron
      3/16/16 1:32pm

      Why didn’t you clean it before that happened?

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      IheartTurdFergusonCam/ron
      3/16/16 1:34pm

      When I think of Ted Cruz I think of the shit your college roommate took the next day after consuming the beef stew.

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    Dave Gabrielle Bluestone
    3/16/16 1:37pm

    Fuck you Ted, EVERYONE of our age knows the Princess Bride by heart, it doesn’t make you likable. In fact, YOU ARE PRINCE HUMPERDINK!

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      LRonsCupboardDave
      3/16/16 1:38pm

      I bet that’s his go-to schtick to make him appear human and likeable, like pretending to be a comic book nerd because that’s a thing he heard of once.

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      Dave LRonsCupboard
      3/16/16 1:41pm

      I dunno, I knew a LOT of guys like him in the day. the kind of creepy nerd that always tried to hit on the bar maid in D&D and thought the raping and pillaging thing in RPG’s was all about the raping. Some of them turned into neckbearded fedora wearing MRA, others turned in Theocratic Republicans.

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    jokepitchGabrielle Bluestone
    3/16/16 1:30pm

    Sounds like he doesn’t love soup so much as loves expecting his family to cook for him, and refuses to do it himself when they’re not there.

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      LionelEssrogjokepitch
      3/16/16 1:33pm

      You just described my father.

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      ArsenalMetrojokepitch
      3/16/16 1:38pm

      My girlfriend’s dad exclusively eats cereal when his wife is out of town. Nothing gendered about it, just sheer lack of desire to cook.

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    SpringSprungGabrielle Bluestone
    3/16/16 1:32pm

    13. At my daughters’ [Caroline, 7, and Catherine, 5] birthday parties, their favorite game is Attack the Daddy. It’s more terrifying than you might think.

    Can you nominate children for the Nobel prize?

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      I Like Big Cheese And I Cannot LieSpringSprung
      3/16/16 1:36pm

      In Trump’s America, the Nobel Peace Prize will be a beauty pageant. Very luxurious. People will love it

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      Syphilitic Scalia SaysSpringSprung
      3/16/16 1:48pm

      14. At the opening day of a new Senate session, the Senators favorite game is Kick Ted Cruz In The Dick. It’s more terrifying than you might think.

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    cheerful_exgirlfriendGabrielle Bluestone
    3/16/16 1:34pm

    Even his soup hates him

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      GuyFromIpanemacheerful_exgirlfriend
      3/16/16 2:17pm

      HAHAHAHA! Perfect.

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      idlkcheerful_exgirlfriend
      3/16/16 2:18pm

      I was hoping that would spell zodiac killer

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    Sean BrodyGabrielle Bluestone
    3/16/16 1:33pm

    hates avocado

    The man is a monster.

    We can’t say we weren’t warned.

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      WankyMcwankfaceSean Brody
      3/16/16 1:47pm

      I hated avocado until I read this. Now I love avocado, it's a miracle.

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      gingerhammeredSean Brody
      3/16/16 1:49pm

      I feel like if Texans knew that the douchebag who is their current governor said that the most important thing about good BBQ is “the sauce” and that this shithead hates avocados, then maybe we could get them both out of office.

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    Alex CGabrielle Bluestone
    3/16/16 1:32pm

    Making sure to casually drop that you went to Princeton & Harvard Law - Power move

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      sunshineonthebay1Alex C
      3/16/16 1:38pm

      I love how he claims he put himself through Princeton by working two jobs and still had leftover money to go to Japan to climb a fucking mountain during college. I smell BS as I could barely afford Panama City, FL and that place is a shithole.

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      Alex Csunshineonthebay1
      3/16/16 1:41pm

      You realize college only starting costing a ton in the last 10 years or soright? Both of my parents who are only 10 years his senior put themselves through school on one job each, with no loans, and it was also private.

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    It takes a nation of millions to elect the corruptGabrielle Bluestone
    3/16/16 1:30pm

    Add “eats canned soup” to the list of reasons I won’t vote for this guy.

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      Sean BrodyIt takes a nation of millions to elect the corrupt
      3/16/16 1:32pm

      Honestly.
      Eat something homemade, you fucking gollum.

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      Paul MooreSean Brody
      3/16/16 1:39pm

      He’s forgotten the taste of bread.

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    ratchedGabrielle Bluestone
    3/16/16 3:24pm

    Christie’s wife will not be outdone:

    l

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      hotoynoodleratched
      3/16/16 4:42pm

      OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMYFUCKINGGOD. sweetened condensed milk and a cup of sugar in MACARONI SALAD? what in the name of satan is that shit? i had to stop watching at 52 seconds before i hurled like linda blair.

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      ratchedhotoynoodle
      3/16/16 5:54pm

      Hers are all like that (thus explaining the “glandular”problem) and more fun are Sandra Lee (Cuomo’s) Kwaanza Cake (and most anything else). My favorite is her “Florentine Tablescape". My daughter and I bonded over these, bad tattoos and “cake wrecks”, lol.

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    PeppermintGabrielle Bluestone
    3/16/16 1:41pm

    23. I’ve watched every episode of Criminal Minds, Game of Thrones, House of Cards and Breaking Bad.

    Which Game of Thrones character does Cruz think he is, and which one is he actually?

    I’m betting he thinks he’s Dany, but he’s actually Jorah. (I considered “actually Reek,” but that role is reserved for Chris Christie.)

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      Hy8Peppermint
      3/16/16 1:46pm

      He’s clearly the High Sparrow leader.

      Give him the Power and watch what happens.

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      PeppermintHy8
      3/16/16 1:49pm

      I usually associate the Sparrow with Bernie Sanders, but the Sparrow does hate the gays.

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