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    Inara SerraRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 11:37pm

    If this made her feel powerful and helped with her healing, then that’s awesome but I’m troubled by the idea that a dominatrix is inherently powerful (and that male submissives are inherently safe).

    I’ve worked as a dominatrix for a long time, and identified as a top in my personal life for a number of years, and my status as a survivor was frequently called into question because of it. “You’re so strong, you don’t seem like the kind of woman who gets abused/raped” or just straight up “Dommes can’t get raped because they are in control”.

    And submissive men don’t automatically come with respect/safety features in place, or at least not more than other men. They “submit” because it’s what makes their dick hard, and are totally capable of violating consent to get there, especially if they are trying to selfishly inspire “real” discipline. I’ve had plenty of men who wanted to “worship” various body parts lunge at me, grope me, etc. even though I said no thank you under the claim that they just want to “serve”. And there are plenty of men who identify as submissive who will all too happily mansplain to you what makes a “real” dominatrix and what doesn’t (hint: their version of realness is 100% attached to whatever makes them hard).

    I don’t want to piss all over this woman’s art or healing process and like I said, if it helped her that's good....but I hope the larger conversations around it discuss how it is healing/powerful for her because of what the clothes/images mean to her personally and not because there's any real universal power in the role of dominatrix.

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      seatonsatinInara Serra
      3/14/16 1:05am

      Yes. I have come to realize that men who pay dominatrixes, are doing so to have their fantasy sex holiday, with hourly rates. Their fantasies/enactments of submission are just a spicy condiment for their unrelenting entitlement. Sigh.

      I wish it was not this way.

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      CodcoBurnerInara Serra
      3/14/16 1:08am

      <3 your name

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    AgainoncemoreRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 11:30pm

    It makes me really sad that she even for a second considered the race of her rapist as a factor in whether or not she reported it. Scum is scum. Regardless of color.

    Also, did anyone else raise an eyebrow when she said she’d worn that outfit many times?

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      Andy SAgainoncemore
      3/13/16 11:36pm

      What she does with that outfit is her business.

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      VeryVickyAgainoncemore
      3/13/16 11:38pm

      Yes, but maybe not for the same reason as you did: I assumed those outfits fell apart long before many wearings.

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    LibraryanneagainRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 11:19pm

    I’m glad she made sure to point out that the models had safe words and gestures.

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      $7CoffeeLibraryanneagain
      3/14/16 12:03am

      I don’t know much about the BDSM world because it’s not my dish of ice cream but I do know this is a big deal in the BDSM community. I’m glad she saw it as an opportunity to educate the me’s of the world because I have learned something new.

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      CarnyAsadaLibraryanneagain
      3/14/16 12:35am

      To me, that was perfection.

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    spektraVDGRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 11:08pm

    I nominate her for bad bitch of the month, that is supremely awesome!

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      overitspektraVDG
      3/13/16 11:17pm

      same.... the kids are alright

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    DaFiascoRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 11:14pm

    You mean Wesleyan University? Wesleyan College wouldn’t have frats. Also, this is exactly the kind of hair brained stunt that would come from Wesleyan University (I say this as a Wesleyan Alum). Use whatever tools you have to to help cope with assault, by all means. But this shit is still ridiculous and should probably remain private.

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      ideasleepfuriouslyDaFiasco
      3/13/16 11:26pm

      Isn’t making much of a statement if it’s kept private, though.

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      rockymay!DaFiasco
      3/13/16 11:26pm

      Wow...just wow.

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    ghanediRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 11:20pm

    I can’t find the right way to express how much I love this.

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      BettyCrockerPunkRockerghanedi
      3/13/16 11:32pm

      GIFs. Lots and lots of GIFs.

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      I'm Fart and I'm SmunnyBettyCrockerPunkRocker
      3/13/16 11:54pm

      This gif is the closest thing I’ve found for what I think about this woman

      GIF
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    CaptOtterRachel Vorona Cote
    3/14/16 1:12pm

    Maybe someone who knows more about BDSM culture can answer this question: is the BDSM gear supposed to be scary, or attractive/sexy, or just bizarre (like meant to create the sort of cognitive dissonance that makes people uncomfortable when their brain sees/hears something that seems bizarre)? I’m sure a lot of it has to do with taste—but there seems to be this unifying motif.

    EDIT: Really I’m trying to figure out what her appearance is supposed to do me/anyone as a viewer—should I ideally be afraid or titilated or what?

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      StellaRedCaptOtter
      3/14/16 2:04pm

      It is meant to be sexy, generally. Some fetishwear is leather, some is latex, fishnet, lace, etc. There are people with specific kinks for each of those materials, and it’s not necessarily only the domme/top who wears it. So, for example, if you have a leather fetish, then having your sex partner dressed in it from head to toe can really amp up the pleasure of the situation.

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      CaptOtterStellaRed
      3/14/16 2:13pm

      Thank you! I was trying to reason it out in my head, and it seemed like, obviously, it’s important for the person wearing it to feel however it is they want to feel—but at the same time, I could also see a situation in which a domitor would want to engender certain feelings in their dominatee (fear, awe, what have you).

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    Queen of BithyniaRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 11:48pm

    She did a photo of herself dressed up as a target of male-directed fetishism?

    Okay, whatever. Super empowering, YAAASSSS QUEEEEEN etc.

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      jenn93Queen of Bithynia
      3/14/16 12:30am

      Male directed? Women like bdsm, too.

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      Moxie RemonQueen of Bithynia
      3/14/16 12:40am

      Well, it’s HER battle, isn’t it? She doesn’t have to make you understand every single reason why this is an empowering act for her. Now, you came just to be a salty person, when you, too could have found something nice to say about this situation. Why? Because she and most of us, as her supporters, are philistines regarding this situation, at your eyes? Get the fuck out, seriously.

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    CaptOtterRachel Vorona Cote
    3/14/16 4:06am

    But did she make them fight in the Thunderdome at some point?

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      Mike Pipper Super GIF EnthusiastCaptOtter
      3/14/16 6:07am
      GIF
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    Mike Pipper Super GIF EnthusiastRachel Vorona Cote
    3/14/16 5:56am

    ROCK ON!

    Baddest Bitch of the year.

    GIF
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