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    CarnyAsadaRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 9:38pm

    This is on Jezebel because... his mother was a woman?

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      Rachel Vorona CoteCarnyAsada
      3/13/16 9:40pm

      This is on Jezebel because there’s no reason it shouldn’t be.

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      The Noble RenardRachel Vorona Cote
      3/13/16 9:43pm

      You’re damn right. It’s a Sunday night and some of us need a good laugh/wince/sympathetic groan before the upcoming week.

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    iamltrRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 9:12pm

    There should be a law allowing those of us with stomach issues the right to speed to the nearest bathroom available.

    The police would know who we were by the port-a-potty sticker in the back window.

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      Berndiamltr
      3/13/16 9:25pm

      I used to have horrendous intestines (they’re better now), but in the process of trying to figure out what was wrong with them and how to fix them, I had to get a bariums CT scan.

      I practically ran 10 red lights on my way home from the procedure. Barium does.not.care

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      PuddingandthemissusBernd
      3/13/16 9:30pm

      I just had my first barium experience. After 5 days of horrific gastroenteritis and barely being able to keep water down. They brought two huge mocha flavored bottles out. It was torture

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    TamTamsRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 9:08pm

    Is anyone else surprised he managed to hold it long enough to be put in the car after being tased? You’d think your body would freak out and you know...release anything it was holding right after getting shocked.

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      kateTamTams
      3/13/16 9:12pm

      I’m honestly kind of impressed? As someone with IBS, I would kill for that sphincter strength.

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      Memorykid-9TamTams
      3/13/16 9:16pm

      I wouldn’t think electricity will crack a butthole open like a miser’s changepurse. Quite the opposite, I think the electricity probably made him clench tighter.

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    SipowitzRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 9:16pm

    This shit isn’t funny.

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      TVcasualtySipowitz
      3/13/16 9:17pm

      I know I'm like horrified and so empathetic this poor man this is my nightmare lol.

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      PatBatemanSipowitz
      3/13/16 9:32pm

      This whole post is BMI.

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    MamaMiaItsaMeaRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 9:11pm

    All in the line of doodie.

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      pasttenseofdrawMamaMiaItsaMea
      3/13/16 9:21pm

      That comment is really dumb. I laughed.

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      mountainesquireMamaMiaItsaMea
      3/13/16 9:38pm

      There it is!

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    LooneyLovegoodRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 9:32pm

    I’ve had these moments, except on public transportation. Desperately clenching, sweat beading and standing, so not even a seat to help stem the flow, as I get 5...4...3...2...stops closer and then the “we are delayed while signal crews work up ahead”. And then sobbing internally and wondering, “will today be the day I shit my pants in public?”

    This guy deserves a reprieve and an apology. Having to poop is no joke.

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      SaroLooneyLovegood
      3/13/16 10:24pm

      My nightmare

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      ad infinitumLooneyLovegood
      3/13/16 10:27pm

      Oh, my God*, I have some horribly painful memories from the red line in Chicago. Once I was wearing really high heels and there was an unexpected downpour, so I ended up taking off my shoes and sprinting barefoot through the Wilson stop and then several blocks through uptown, in the driving rain, to get home. I made it, thank god, but I’m still surprised I didn’t end up with Tetanus or worse...

      *Autocorrect just changed that to “Godzilla.” That’s a new one.

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    not_productiveRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 9:09pm

    A few weeks ago I was walking my dog home from a friend’s house and felt the urgent call of nature. My dog, on the other hand, felt the need to stop every six inches and smell every plant and befriend every other dog we encountered. IT WAS SWEATY, TENSE AGONY.

    I made it home, BAAAARELY in time, and ran to my infrequently used but closer to the front door guest bathroom, where things were okay...until I realized there was no toilet paper.

    All of which is to say: I feel you, speeding guy.

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      irritablevowelnot_productive
      3/13/16 9:45pm

      Been there, man. I feel ya. Now I always go BEFORE the dog gets to.

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    Anxious PharmRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 9:11pm

    As a person with IBS, this is pretty much my worst fear.

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      Marx and SparksAnxious Pharm
      3/13/16 11:23pm

      I finally pooped myself (literally as I walked in the front door) a few months ago so now, at least, that’s out of the way. Means I don’t have the horrifying fear of “IS THIS THE DAY I POOP MYSELF” when having a flare-up. Now it’s, been there, done that. Wasn’t as bad as I feared.

      Ah, dignity. You cannot coexist with IBS.

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      Anxious PharmMarx and Sparks
      3/14/16 5:35pm

      So true. I’ve done that thing where I break into a run as soon as I’m out of my car probably twice a week since I moved into my new apartment, but no actual pants shitting yet. Thank the Lord. It’s gonna happen, though. I mean... it’s inevitable. :(

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    lisaroweRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 9:16pm

    i know it’s against the law to run from the police but if he was pleading with the police officer to just let him shit first and then he’ll go ahead with speeding ticket, shouldn’t the cop just be like, “okay, i’ll follow you and i’ll be waiting.”

    no, nevermind. it could obviously look like he’s lying and trying to hide something. but the dude did end up shitting and pissing everywhere.

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      lissargh: still grey on the slotlisarowe
      3/14/16 1:18am

      I’ve had cops let me go because I had to pee. Both times were after long trips and they caught me like right inside of my neighborhood and I guess I just looked pained enough that they took it easy on me.

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      LadySparrowlisarowe
      3/14/16 10:09am

      My mom has bladder issues that used to be really bad and was pulled over for speeding on her way home tot he bathroom one day. By the time the cop got to her window she was already crying. He was super nice and agreed to follow her to the nearest public restroom so he could finish the ticket after she peed. After watching her hobble in and come out nearly crying with relief he decided “fuck it, I’d be speeding too if I had to go that bad” and let her go with a warning.

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    John BoehnerRachel Vorona Cote
    3/13/16 9:49pm

    I’ve done the same thing but I had to pee. Peed all over his cop car.

    No sympathy that the motherfucker had to clean out his cop car. You don’t play with someone with a weak bladder or IBS.

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