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    GoLikeHellMachineAshley Feinberg
    3/18/16 3:40pm

    One thing I know for sure; Trump has the worst fucking web designers on the face of the planet.

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      Archer>PicardGoLikeHellMachine
      3/18/16 3:48pm

      It is odd that he’s apparently worth billions, but everything with his name attached looks incredibly cheap and tacky.

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      Emerald D.V.GoLikeHellMachine
      3/18/16 3:51pm

      It’s easy to forget a lot of the web looked like that in 2005, but he manages to be gaudy and ugly even for then.

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    DL ThurstonAshley Feinberg
    3/18/16 3:45pm

    Whatever you guys pay Jim Cooke, it’s not enough.

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      Ashley FeinbergDL Thurston
      3/18/16 3:57pm

      Jim pls stop making burner accounts

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      DL ThurstonAshley Feinberg
      3/18/16 4:01pm

      My son Jim doesn’t need burner accounts to talk about how great he is!

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    Jujymonkey3Ashley Feinberg
    3/18/16 3:44pm

    “[Trump Steaks] are hand selected to our exacting standards of marbling and leanness...”

    Such typically dumb copy. A marbled steak is the opposite of lean. The crap that they burn to a crisp for Trump is probably some flavorless lean cut.

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      puncha yo bunsJujymonkey3
      3/18/16 3:50pm

      I’m stuck on “Trump Ice.” Why would he put his mug on that bottle? That is guaranteed to be a failed business venture, as nobody wants to look at that shit-eating grin every time they go to hydrate.

      Also speaking of copy, Trump: The Game. “It’s not whether you win or lose, but whether you win!” I hope some copywriter self-flagellated for that one. At least he’s been on message for at least the last decade or so.

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      BaggyTrousers3Jujymonkey3
      3/18/16 3:56pm

      And this...

      Trump steaks make great gifts that are sure to be appreciated, enjoyed and remembered.

      “Say.... remember that steak we had three years ago... on a Thursday, I believe. What was that?”

      “A Trump steak, silly. Don’t you remember?”

      “Oh, right, a Trump steak. I sure did appreciate and enjoy that steak. I’m glad mom gave it to us for our anniversary.”

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    Dave Ashley Feinberg
    3/18/16 3:39pm

    Trump Tampons

    When launched: June 2016

    Years in Business: 6 months

    Services Provided: When blood comes from her where ever

    What Went Wrong: Pathetic attempt to appeal to women in the General election failed miserably.

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      Raaaaaaaadaniel ChicagoDave
      3/18/16 3:41pm

      HAHAHAHA

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      I Like Big Cheese And I Cannot LieDave
      3/18/16 3:56pm

      “Very luxurious tampons. People love my tampons. I have a great relationship with the tampons.”

      Would have liked to have seen those at Florida victory speech next to the steaks, water and wine.

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    I Like Big Cheese And I Cannot LieAshley Feinberg
    3/18/16 3:33pm

    You forgot to list his semen, which he claims is the best semen. People love his semen. It’s luxurious, and you can only get it at the Sharper Image.

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      ReverandRichardWayneGaryWayneI Like Big Cheese And I Cannot Lie
      3/18/16 3:57pm

      At this point, if someone said publicly his shit stank, he’d hold a press conference (or say in a debate) he had the best, nicest smelling shit that ever existed.

      Someone should set this up right before Hillary-Trump debate 1.

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      MaryTylerMoore'sHairFlipI Like Big Cheese And I Cannot Lie
      3/18/16 5:04pm

      Of course. His massive hose beast can fill cases a day, he does NOT have short stubby fingers, produces the highest quality largest amount of semen that has ever or ever will be produced.

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    butter-wrapped suedeAshley Feinberg
    3/18/16 3:57pm

    I have a question from those who might have more business / finance savvy than I do. If someone has repeatedly started and run several businesses into the ground—is there some sort of financial or tax benefit to this? It seems like the end goal for Drumpf is to regularly start a business doomed to fail, and I was hoping there was actually some logic to this.

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      cepalgbutter-wrapped suede
      3/18/16 4:27pm

      Yeah, it’s how Trump has kept himself mostly intact. Almost all of these, and his numerous disastrous real estate ventures, have followed the same model. Trump goes looking for investors for [PROJECT]. Investors foot most of the bill. [PROJECT] inevitably goes to shit. One of the ~200 Trump shell companies then proceeds to buy all the assets of [PROJECT] at pennies on the dollar, then sell them off to someone else.

      To bring it down to normal people levels of finance:

      I get you to chip in a hundred bucks on buying a soda machine, promising you get a cut of any profits. Then after it gets smashed up, I sell the soda machine to My Brother Who Is Definitely Not Me Wearing A Fake Moustache for a dollar. Then My Brother Who Is Definitely Not Me Wearing A Fake Moustache sells it to a scrapyard for twenty bucks.

      At a high enough financial level, this is not illegal.

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      Tyrant Bigglesbutter-wrapped suede
      3/18/16 4:36pm

      You should ask these guys.

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    raincoasterAshley Feinberg
    3/18/16 3:40pm

    Spy did a fantastic article on all of the screw ups of the Tour de Trump. Here it is on the author’s own blog: https://sydneyschuster.wordpress.com/2016/03/03/run…

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      GoatBoyraincoaster
      3/18/16 5:34pm

      Those of us who had the privilege to read the best magazine ever have known exactly who and what Trump is for three decades. You know, before he became the funny orange asshole on the TEEvee.

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      raincoasterGoatBoy
      3/18/16 6:59pm

      You’re preaching to the choir, my friend. My first rejection letter EVER was from Spy, and I still have it. “Very funny, but too Canadian” said Kurt Anderson.

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    ericzxvcAshley Feinberg
    3/18/16 3:49pm

    Couple take aways from this. It’s easy to see that most of his business failures come from his complete and utter lack of touch with the general population. He truly is one of the most sheltered people in the world and has literally no idea what it’s like to not be a billionaire. What a horrible character trait for a politician that is supposed to represent the general population.

    The second is that it’s quite sad that people will not spend money on his “brand” because it’s mostly garbage, and yet if he runs for POTUS he leads the Republican nomination. I don’t know what it says about people that they won’t buy a bottle of water with his face on it and yet will put him in the most powerful and influential role in the country, but it definitely says something.

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      Marzipan in your Pie Plateericzxvc
      3/18/16 4:46pm
      has literally no idea what it’s like to not be a billionaire

      Yet the other billionaires think he’s too trashy to buy his shit. Which is why the “luxury” branded stuff fails to sell as well. The super-rich have continued to buy yachts through the recession, but they sure as hell weren’t reading Trump magazine.

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      The dropped schwaericzxvc
      3/18/16 5:39pm

      That second point also caught my eye. He rambles about how much he knows luxury, and how everyone loves luxury, yet few-to-none spend a dime on his so-called luxury. It’s like he spent most of his life trying to brand his name and, now that it’s failed, he’s trying to go down in history as a politician. Heck, Ron Popeil is probably more successful as a brand than Trump.

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    theUnBetrothedAshley Feinberg
    3/18/16 3:41pm

    I do think Trump Taj Mahal DOES warrant special recognition, after all - Trump himself called TTM quote, “The Biggest Success in the World.”

    It defaulted in 6 months.

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      det-devil-ailstheUnBetrothed
      3/18/16 4:02pm
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      RobNYCdet-devil-ails
      3/18/16 4:27pm

      Wasn’t Biff Tannen’s alternate ‘85 character based on Trump?

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    modern plumbers love black caulkAshley Feinberg
    3/18/16 3:36pm

    never forget:

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      Bae Bae Wattmodern plumbers love black caulk
      3/18/16 4:11pm

      I... I don’t know why I did this.

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      BIMming ItBae Bae Watt
      3/18/16 4:24pm

      It’s perfect

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