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    norbiznessAllie Jones
    3/08/16 10:10am

    He’s like an 80's teen movie villain, except he can’t fight and doesn’t even inspire enough respect to have a single toady yelling something like “PUT HIM IN A BODY BAG YEEAAAAHHHHH” at his rival.

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      DammitPamnorbizness
      3/08/16 10:16am

      Yeah, but 80's teen movie villains were generally good looking....

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      norbiznessDammitPam
      3/08/16 10:17am

      Just think of James Spader’s character in Pretty in Pink crossed with a possum.

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    Masshole JamesAllie Jones
    3/08/16 10:14am

    How embarrassing and sad! Well, at least he’s got the love and support of his family...

    GIF
    GIF
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      IanMasshole James
      3/08/16 10:22am

      I seriously think his whole family is a sham.

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      EvenBaggierTrousers4Masshole James
      3/08/16 10:35am

      Even his own nose is apparently trying to get the fuck away from him.

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    gramercypoliceAllie Jones
    3/08/16 10:08am

    If even a piece of melted shit like Tom Cotton hasn't endorsed him you know it's a desperate situation.

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      Iangramercypolice
      3/08/16 10:12am

      Tom *Tehran Cotton

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      GeorgeGeoffersonLivesgramercypolice
      3/08/16 10:29am

      Man, I’d forgotten all about him, that 6-foot, 5-inch sack of shit.

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    ManchuCandidateAllie Jones
    3/08/16 10:08am

    Ted’s Outer Gollum is telling him yet again:

    GIF
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      GeorgeGeoffersonLivesManchuCandidate
      3/08/16 10:28am

      If that’s the words of his Outer Gollum, I’d hate to hear the internal one.

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      eats books and leavesGeorgeGeoffersonLives
      3/08/16 10:34am

      If the inner one tells him GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK and both of them listen, America wins.

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    Kenhe LoginAllie Jones
    3/08/16 10:09am

    The devil offered to make Ted Cruz president of the U.S. but in exchange he had to give up his family, his faith and his soul. Cruz replied, “well what’s the catch?”

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      MyUncleJerryKenhe Login
      3/08/16 10:22am

      If I were Ted Cruz I’d be learning the fiddle. There’s probably a loop hole in the contract about beating the devil in a musical contest. With those jowls it’ll be an uphill climb. Flabby necks must throw off the instrument.

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      steinoKenhe Login
      3/08/16 10:47am

      The catch is he has no soul to give up.

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    KyuzoAllie Jones
    3/08/16 10:10am

    It’s goddamn hilarious that Cruz is considered the GOP's reasonable alternative to Drumpf.

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      GeorgeGeoffersonLivesKyuzo
      3/08/16 10:31am

      Right? It’s almost kind of hard to imagine who’d be a worse candidate. They’d both be horrible in their own seperate and special ways.

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      KyuzoGeorgeGeoffersonLives
      3/08/16 1:47pm

      Cruz would be infinitely worse than Drumpf. Cruz actually believes what he says, Drumpf is playing the GOP base like a fiddle.

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    gingerhammeredAllie Jones
    3/08/16 10:10am

    Eliana, Elaina.

    Elaina, Eliana.

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      Letsgobowlinggingerhammered
      3/08/16 10:31am

      The National Review has very specific standards for the writers it employs.

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      Kenhe Logingingerhammered
      3/08/16 3:17pm

      This deserves more love. It’s subtle, less subtle if you’d have used quotation marks.

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    Old ShatterhandAllie Jones
    3/08/16 10:44am

    I truly believe that Ted Cruz is the most dangerous candidate on the GOP side. When a person can justify any decision by simply saying that that is what God wanted, then we have a problem. His irrational reasoning could bring some serious consequences to individuals (women that get abortions, LGBT) and to the whole world.

    Just imagine... if whenever Ted says (or anybody for that matter) “God” we would replace it by “Napoleon”. Ted would be in a mental institution right away.

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      DoobyOneOld Shatterhand
      3/08/16 11:13am

      He is, without a doubt, the scariest candidate I’ve seen in my lifetime. Unlike Santorum and Bachmann and other bible thumping assholes, he’s smart and disciplined.

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      crouching tigerDoobyOne
      3/08/16 11:48am

      Yes. That is the important distinction. He knows exactly what he’s doing, and doesn’t seem to make mistakes.

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    Jujymonkey3Allie Jones
    3/08/16 10:38am

    I wonder what Ted is whispering to that burrito.

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      Ben Carson's AmbienJujymonkey3
      3/08/16 11:34am

      I’m really disturbed by whatever he is doing to that burrito.

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      Jujymonkey3Ben Carson's Ambien
      3/08/16 12:12pm

      RIGHT?!?
      That’s not how mexican food works Ted

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    wastingtimeontheinternetAllie Jones
    3/08/16 10:08am

    Imagining Mitch McConnell sending a “JK LOLOL” text made my morning.

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