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    Rom RombertsGabrielle Bluestone
    2/26/16 9:53am

    Trump: I am a balloon animal filled with mayo and I could crush the moon with one pelvic thrust.

    (goes up 4 points in polls)

    Trump: One time I looked at a field of corn and it turned into a field of poptarts, which are much better, much more elegant than corn. I’ll do the same thing to Putin.

    (goes up 10 points in polls)

    Trump: I can talk to birds.

    (the citizens of America name Trump dictator for life)

    Trump: I have hidden 5 golden tickets inside my abdomen. The first people to shrink themselves, defeat the goblins in my lower intestines, and claim the ticket will be executed inside of the chocolate factory that used to be called Missouri live on Fox News.

    (all other countries formally request to merge with Dictator Trump’s newly named “High Class Luxury America Barge”

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      SquidEatinDoughRom Romberts
      2/26/16 9:57am

      Trump has the best intestinal goblins. The best!

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      merekatRom Romberts
      2/26/16 10:01am

      This makes me cry, because I know it will come to pass.

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    lobstrGabrielle Bluestone
    2/26/16 9:47am

    And what do you propose he is hammered on? Oh:

    (He totally wrote that copy)

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      burlivesleftnutlobstr
      2/26/16 9:49am

      FINALLY!

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      mochadevilgirllobstr
      2/26/16 9:50am

      He’s too rich to drink that nasty swil.

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    GregoireGabrielle Bluestone
    2/26/16 9:44am

    He’s hammered and we’re screwed.

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      Brendan_MGregoire
      2/26/16 9:53am

      You nailed it.

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      burlivesleftnutBrendan_M
      2/26/16 9:56am

      He’s a nut.

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    1llamarampage will write againGabrielle Bluestone
    2/26/16 9:59am

    The fact that Donald Trump is famously teetotal and still writes like that with regularity is the second-best reason I can think of to start heavily day-drinking. The first best reason being that Donald Trump may well be the GOP nominee.

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      DoobyOne1llamarampage will write again
      2/26/16 10:08am

      No one believes he’s sober. That’s a lie he’s been telling for years. Pills and booze are his only friends.

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      Sktroop1llamarampage will write again
      2/26/16 10:17am

      Donald does NOT drink or do drugs....if there’s anybody looking.

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    Ned FreyGabrielle Bluestone
    2/26/16 10:48am

    chocker

    /ˈtʃɒkə/
    adjective
    1.
    (informal) full up; packed
    2.
    (Brit, slang) irritated; fed up
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      Ned FreyNed Frey
      2/26/16 10:49am

      Ha ha, that ignoramus used “chocker” as a noun when it’s really an adjective!

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      Ned FreyNed Frey
      2/26/16 10:50am

      Historical Examples

      • Think of living forty years, like Doctor chocker, on the husks of the digamma! The Atlantic Monthly, Volume 15, No. 87, January, 1865
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    Quint the GreyerGabrielle Bluestone
    2/26/16 9:44am

    Talking about being hammered... did you forget you posted about the honer thing already?

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      burlivesleftnutQuint the Greyer
      2/26/16 9:57am

      Can’t stop won’t stop reading “boner”.

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    GeorgeGeoffersonLivesGabrielle Bluestone
    2/26/16 9:43am

    Gabby, this is an intervention; you have a drinking problem. It’s too early in the morning, and you’re already wasted.

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      Quint the GreyerGeorgeGeoffersonLives
      2/26/16 9:45am

      Hey. It’s already lunchtime somewhere.

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    Quasar FunkGabrielle Bluestone
    2/26/16 9:55am
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      KnightyKnightQuasar Funk
      2/26/16 9:58am

      +1 leightweight chock

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      neddypotQuasar Funk
      2/26/16 10:05am

      Looks like a leightweight chock.

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    Cylontater: Genital WhispererGabrielle Bluestone
    2/26/16 9:54am

    I plan on being hammered for the rest of the election cycle.

    GIF
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      Brock SamsaGabrielle Bluestone
      2/26/16 10:09am

      The Republican Debate and the baffled reaction of most Americans as reenacted by Community:

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